Spinning
by SlugaBug Foster
Summary: What in Callie's past keeps her from moving forward? Based in season one. No Brallie!
1. 3am

A/N

1. Legal stuff first I don't own The Fosters

2. This my first Fan Fiction so please read and review but please be constructive in reviewing.

3. I am open to any suggestions you might have as to where to take this story.

3a

Callie looked at the clock again it was just 3:19 am. She knew there was no use lying in bed any longer. Sleep was not going to come tonight, she was so tired but just wasn't sleepy. Maybe fresh air would help. She got out of bed and made her way down stairs, trying to be as quite as she could. She really didn't want to explain what she was doing up, not that she knew how to come up with a coherent explanation for any of the many jumbled thoughts she had running through her head to herself much less to one of the Fosters. The "Bad Thoughts Monster" had started creeping in more and more. She had sworn the last time, was the last time she was ever going to let them control her.

The thoughts were getting louder and louder which was making them harder to ignore. She made her way to the kitchen, and put on a pot of coffee to brew. Lena especially didn't like her drinking it, and she had highly suggested one cup was more than enough for Callie to drink. In Callie's mind that meant one cup that they saw her drink; it was something about the hotness that seems to settle Callie's stomach. Callie headed to the living room for a blanket, but saw Stef's hoodie on the back of the chair. Before she realized what she was doing she had put it on flipping the hood up, it made her feel safe. She grabbed a cup of coffee and headed out the door, paying careful attention to not letting the door slam. She found "her" spot next to the tree and tried to settle into trying to get the spinning in her to calm down.

Stef had woken up as soon as she heard the door open. She heard Callie go outside like she had every morning for the last week and like she had done every other morning Stef went to the window and began her watch. She really didn't know how to help the girl; she just sat by the tree and stared out into the dark. Even though Callie had been in their home for three months and seemed to be settling into a routine. Callie was still very much closed off to everyone except Jude, whom she would show her softer side toward him only if she thought no one was paying them any attention. Usually through looks between the two of them, soft pats or by the proximity to each other, Callie at first was never more than an arm's length away from the boy. It had been a battle to have Jude move into Jesus' room, but Jude had finally convinced Callie that Jesus could protect him long enough before Callie to arrive if she needed to. Jesus had beamed at the boy when Jude had made the statement one night as the kids were brushing their teeth. The memory made Stef smile. Jude had taken to Lena first but had slowly let the twins in to the point that Callie would let him go with either of them for a small amount of time without her.

Stef was brought out of her thoughts by hearing Lena starting to stir in bed. "Baby"? Lena called out.

"Shh right here Hun, go back to sleep its early" whispered Stef. Lena rose up on one elbow. "How many nights are you going to stubbornly sit up here and watch CallieGirl set out there, drink coffee and keep building her wall stronger?" She asked.

Stef was taken back for a moment, she had thought she had been doing the right thing by giving the girl space, supervised space but space none the less. She had been happy at first that Callie had never moved from her position at the tree night after night; she had been so scared that first night that Callie was running from them.

Lena continued when Stef didn't answer. "Baby, we have got to tear down her walls but we need help I think it's time we talked to Bill about agreeing to the plan, to have her go to therapy twice a week and her Group. She is struggling and it's breaking my heart, you saw her this afternoon" Stef listened to what Lena was saying and nodded her agreement. As she turned to the window she noticed that Callie was no longer at the tree.

FB

As soon as the kids whom was walking home from school could see that both Moms car were in the drive way they knew someone was in trouble. Both twins started arguing over who had done what, and who was busted. The Two newest additions automatically moved closer together. Brandon just wanted to hurry them along, he had piano lessons tomorrow with the Grim Reaper and he still need to perfect the piece. He was currently working on and he knew it wasn't him who was in trouble. The closer the kids got to the house they could see both Moms looking out the living room window with serious faces. This made the other four slow down even more, but didn't stop the twins from arguing. As they reached the steps Callie moved Jude in behind. As Jude got into his position they made eye contact. Yes Callie remembered her promise; it was going to be ok. Yes Jude remembered the rules run, hide, DO NOT get into the middle of anything even if Callie got hurt. Jude hooked onto the back of Callie's shirt tail holding onto it with a tight fist. As soon as Callie felt him do this she was instantly reassured, she had him.

The Moms had moved toward the entryway as the kids came through the door, they started asking about homework and plans for the rest of the afternoon. Brandon was first in the door and headed to his room taking the stairs two at a time saying he would be down at dinner he need to practice. Jesus had homework, but need a snack before he could work, so he headed to the kitchen. Mariana had no homework but had to text Lexi with the latest information on what was happening at school, she started up the stairs. As she moved up the stairs Callie moved Jude in behind Mariana placing herself between the Moms and him. Jude just followed Callie's movements and went where he was supposed to, never even changing his grip on Callie. As they made it to the stair landing

Stef called out to Callie "CallieGirl why don't you come and talk to Lena and I in the kitchen? They all knew it wasn't suggestion but that didn't help the hesitation that showed in both kids eyes with the idea of being split up.

Marianna spoke up to Jude "Great, then I can help you with your math, and you can help me pick out a color for me to paint my nails" she said as she grabbed Jude's other hand as she smiled looking at Callie with a look that she would watch him. Jude looked at Callie, who didn't see much of a choice and gave him a slight nod.

Trying to lighten the mood Lena laughingly said "homework first" to Mariana and called out to Jesus to remember dinner was going to be soon and not to spoil his appetite now. She moved calmly toward the kitchen. As Jesus come out of the kitchen, carrying 3 juice boxes and 3 oranges to take up stairs. Lena just laughed and shook her head he was such a good boy he knew Jude would never ask for anything.

Lena called over her shoulder to Callie asking if she wanted a water as she was going to get her and Stef one.

Stef tried to get the teen's eye to reassure her everything was ok but Callie wouldn't look at Stef.

But she did follow Lena mumbling a no thank you.

Callie stopped in the doorway. As she tried to figure out what was going on…Where they leaving? No Bill would already be there… She had made sure all her and Jude stuff had been tidy this morning including both beds made… She and Jude both had went to school...They didn't seem mad.

She was so lost in her thoughts she forgot Stef had moved in behind her until she placed her hand on Callie's shoulder to try and put the girl at easy. Callie automatically spun around put her back to the frame and had her fist ready to fight or cover whichever she needed to do.

Stef saw the fear and uneasiness in the girl's eyes before Callie could put her protective shield up. "Easy CallieGirl Easy" Stef said in a soft voice as she moved her hand off her shoulder but let it hover there as she guided Callie further into the room toward the nook.

Lena had seen the exchange as she turned around from the fridge with the waters. She didn't want to make the teen any more on edge than she obviously was, so she acted like nothing was wrong and brought three waters over to the table, as she did she made eye contact with Stef who was standing at the end of the nook with Callie.

It was decide that Lena would take the lead, so as Lena sat down and placed the waters on the table she patted the seat next to her and said " Come on Babe sit, we need to talk. It's ok"

Callie for her part didn't know what to do. She had promised Jude to comply and lay low he really liked it here. He had even code named Lena "coco" after the hot chocolate with marshmallows that was Callie's go-to for Jude when she needed to try and make him feel better. Though more importantly for Callie she knew that Lena loved the boy, and Stef loved Lena so she would protect and keep Jude safe. No matter what the bad thoughts tried to tell her she knew he was safe here.

Stef could see the struggle going on within the girl, there was no way she was going to sit that close to anyone, even soft Lena. So being the jokester she was, she plotted down in the seat that Lena had patted and smiled up cheeky at Lena when she started to call her out on it "What I thought this seat was mine, you did say Babe" Which got a smile out of Lena and even a little smirk out of Callie.

This interaction had given Callie an out to sit down across from the ladies. This is exactly what Stef was hoping for, getting the teen sitting and not as on edge.

For the first time since she came thru the door today Callie stole a glance into Lena's eyes to try a gauge the situation. Lena was by far the easier going of the two. However Callie was still having a hard time trusting anything that was going through her head right now. She'd been a fool before to listen to her head...damn Liam. Callie saw nothing in Lena's eyes that set off warning bells, but that was not going to put Callie totally at ease. She reminded herself not to get suckered in again and to be ready to do what she had to do if it came down to that.

Lena took a deep breath and started the conversation with Callie with "How was your day?"

"Fine" came a soft reply from Callie. Who had now became very interested in the water bottle label on the water bottle Lena had gotten for her

"How were your classes?" Lena asked

"Fine" came another reply from Callie, who didn't even look up from the label.

The Moms shared a look, pulling answers out of teenagers was usually Lena specialty but they was getting nowhere fast with this conversation and Stef was getting antsy. She had come off shift as soon as Lena had called saying that there was an issue with Callie.

Never one for not being direct Stef blurted out "Is there anything you need to tell us?" She felt Lena's hand go into hers, so she continued with a softer "You would tell us if something was bothering you or was making you feel uncomfortable, yes?"

With that question Callie's head came up, and both Moms knew they had hit on something. but as soon as the "tell" was in Callie's eyes it was gone.

Shit, Shit, Shit they know, just play cool and let tell them what they want to hear maybe they will let Jude stay was all Callie could think. She had dealt with Do-gooders before; they didn't really want the real truth, they just wanted to glossy version of the truth. "Yes" was all Callie managed to say

It was killing Lena to see the girl struggle to have a basic conversation "You never made it to any of your classes after lunch?" Lena said trying to get the girl to open up.

Callie thought the less she said the better. She was so tired! She had very few filters left and that usually got her in trouble, so she just shrugged her shoulder in agreement.

Stef said with her no nonsense voice "Eyes please" and waited on Callie to look up and focus on Stef's eyes. "You know you can't afford to skip class! Any bad reports could go to your record and to your treatment team and that could affect your parole."

Both Moms noticed Callie went on guard with the mention of her Treatment team having control. "You know we only want what is best for you, we know it's been hard learning how to live with all of us when you are used to it being just you and Jude against the world. But you're not anymore"

Stef finished squeezing Lena's hand to let her know to jump back in "We are very happy being on the same team as you two, but we need you to help us protect you two, by letting us in."

Callie nodded more forcefully hoping the Mom's would buy into the act. She would agree to go to the moon if they would just let her out of here before the Monster took over, and the bad thoughts took control.

How could she explain that she had been so overwhelmed by third period? That she thought she was going to explode and lose control. Which is something that she preferred to do in private. That was all she need was for a report to go to the Dam Treatment Team Assholes that the Juvie girl couldn't keep it together and then they would have all they need to split her and Jude up. So she had made a quick exit through the nearest door, and ran as far as she could before it got too much. She'd puked what little bit of the yogurt that was left in her stomach from where Stef had forced her to eat that morning for breakfast. The next thing she knew she was sitting in the sand crying like a baby trying to get herself under control, and the spinning in her head to die down. She really hadn't meant to take that long just needed space but time got away from her.

Callie had managed to keep her head up and pretend to look at the Moms the whole time they was speaking but it was getting to much for her to concentrate. Both Moms noticed this so Lena continued "We need you to find me when you feel the need for space at school, so when can handle it together" When she got the "I can handle it myself" look that she swore Stef had taught the girl and thought OK Mini Stef game on

"I need to know you are safe" Lena said as she put on her best puppy dog eyes on Callie. Not only did she get a nod but she also got "I'll try" out of Callie

Yes...she still had it; I wonder if they really know how much they are alike Lena thought with a chuckle.

As soon as the words left her month Callie became very interested in the water bottle label again.

Lena might be ok with that answer but with Stef even though it was the right answer it was a non answer. "Same team, same page sweets Yes?" Which hadn't been her first thought she would have voiced but with Lena squeezing her hand to remind her to keep this on a no confrontational path she had decided that was the best she could do.

If it had been left up to her she would have demanded answers to a whole slew of questions starting with where Callie had been? And had her disappearing act have anything to do with why she was hanging out in the wee hours of the morning by the tree staring off into space? Then act like nothing was bothering her when she came down from her shower to breakfast like she had slept peacefully for the 10hrs. Before Callie could answer Stef said "Eyes...and in words please"

Callie was confused she had just told them that she would try which was more than she thought she had strength for but, she owed it to Jude, she didn't break promises.

The Moms waited for Callie to get her thoughts together even though it was killing them. Lena was as worried as Stef was, but thought they wanted to tread lightly so not to break the struggling teen just her walls. Stef on the other hand thought that the only way to break the walls was to do so directly. So they had comprised they would do it directly but gently whatever that meant, mostly they was going off each other's queues.

"Same team, same page" Callie mumble after what seemed forever, but it was only a few minutes she really didn't get it most foster parents was happy with a "no bother" day and didn't want to really know anything much less want to help. So Callie did the only thing she could think of and just repeated Stef's words which seemed to be what they wanted.

"Hey CallieGirl you know we didn't jump into that water bottle right?" Stef said teasingly

This made Callie smirk a little, and Lena chuckle.

"OK, go before I change my mind and have you sit here all night with us to see if you can turn that water into wine by staring at it" Stef said.

Callie didn't have to be told twice, she was on the stairs before Stef finished her sentence.

A/N Thank you Lacorra for the edit :)


	2. The Break Down

A/N

The Legal stuff first I don't own The Fosters nor its characters.

This is my first Fan Fiction so please read and review but please be constructive in reviewing. I want to thank everyone who wrote a review from Chapter 1. It helps keep me writing when I know that you are enjoying my work.

I know my grammar is not the best but I am working on it, hence the FanFiction. It beats English homework any day.

I am open to any suggestions you might have as to where to take this story.

It always bothered me that the series never showed the hard work it took from everyone to get to where Callie would trust the family enough to tell them about Liam much less she would want anyone to care for Jude besides herself.

The Break Down

Stef

"She left her spot" I said to Lena as I hurried out the bedroom. Please don't let her be running was all I could think as I went as fast as I could heading down the stairs.

I made my way to the kitchen and saw Callie huddled up in the corner of the nook. Trying to rock back and forth but at an unsteady pace. She was shaking hard from crying and she wasn't finding a rhythm so she started rocking harder and harder until she was almost out of control. By the time I came into the room. Before I realized what I was doing, I had enveloped the girl into a hug. I wasn't prepared for the struggle that Callie started as soon as she felt my arms go around her. Callie tried with all her strength to get out the hug that I had her in; I was amazed at the girl's strength. I was scared that I was not going to be able to control her enough, so that she would not hit the table and get hurt. I finally decided I had to maneuver us to the floor hopefully far enough away that Callie couldn't bump into anything.

I slid us down to the floor in front of the backdoor I placed Callie in front of me, with her back to my front. I took a hold Callie's wrists and crisscrossing them in front of her bringing them back toward me. I decided that instead of locking my legs and trying to not let her move I would use it to my advantage and start rocking her, placing my legs on the outside of hers trying to control the pace and bring it to a soothing rhythm to help her get under control. She was still trying to head butt me to get off of her but, in this position I easily dodged them until she became too tired to do it and also struggle to get out of the hold I had her in.

I didn't notice until Callie started moving with me voluntarily, or at least not fighting me that my baby had huge tears pouring out of her eyes. I didn't know what else to do so I just keep rocking, and saying soothing babble to her hoping to calm her down.

I do not know how long this lasted before I looked up and saw Lena coming toward us. Making eye contact with her I realized she was as lost as I was, we had never saw Callie lose any control of her emotions.

Lena

As I came into the Kitchen I was not prepared for what I saw. Stef had Callie in a hold on the floor doing her best to calm her down by rocking her. Stef kept saying that "she was ok"; "That Stef had her". I hadn't seen a kid lose control like this in 15years, since my student teaching days when I had taught at an alternative grammar school that had been made up of kids who couldn't handle regular classes in the public school system.

I made eye contact with Stef who was so scared and worried she barely acknowledged me. Through my eyes I tried to convey calm Babe and we would get thru this together.

I began walking toward them staying as low and steady as I could, my hands out and up, hoping to look as non-threatening as I could. I used my best Momma voice to pick up where Stef had left off with the calming mantra toward Callie "She was ok" "She was safe no one was going to hurt her" "We had her" over and over and over. I moved into the side of Stef trying to give both of them support as Stef kept rocking her.

Once I had settled into position, I was able to peak underneath the hoddie that Callie had up. It had somehow managed stay up during the struggle, and was hiding part her face. Which I am sure she had put it up for that reason. I wasn't shocked to see huge tears coming out of Callie eyes and soaking the fabric until it was noticeably wet and soaked through. What did surprise me was that other than grunting against Stef, and her labored breathing she hadn't made a sound the whole time I had been in here. It broke my heart to look into her eyes and see a hurt, confusion and pain all in them at once. I couldn't help but think that we were seeing the real Callie the one she hid from everyone behind her walls. I was hoping that we might have finally had a breakthrough with her.

Stef and I made eye contact and I could tell she was thinking the same thing that I was. We didn't know what had caused her to lose control like this, but we had an opportunity to forge the gap we had been facing in Callie's trust issue ever since she had been staying with us. We both agreed in that moment that we were committed to this girl; there was no going back for either of us.

After about 15 minutes of sitting like this rocking back and forth it was obvious that Callie had started to calm down, or she had worn herself out by fighting Stef. Callie relaxed into Stef's rocking, placing her head onto Stef's shoulder. Stef loosened her grip on Callie's left wrist enough for her to turn and snuggle into Stef. In a few minutes when Stef was reassured Callie really was tiring out she let go of that arm. Callie brought her arm up and placed her hand to her face, in a fist bringing the pointer finger out wrapping around the side her nose and started rubbing it. It looked like it would have if she still sucked her thumb, minus the thumb in the mouth. Which it crossed my mind that she probably had done when she was little. I am sure a part of her wanted to now. I sat there watching this unfold trying not to break whatever spell she was under.

Stef slowly brought the rhythm of the rocking down. It took some time but Callie finally brought her breathing under control and quit crying. I could tell she was exhausted and we wouldn't be getting anywhere verbally anytime soon.

A/N Thank you Lacorra for the edit


	3. Please

A/N

The Legal stuff first I don't own The Fosters nor its characters.

I want to thank everyone for reading and especially those who have reviewed. It helps keep me writing when I know that you are enjoying my work.

I am open to any suggestions you might have as to where to take this story.

Please be warned there are some heavy topics in this chapter.

Please

Stef

I felt my girl relax into me and drift off into a slumber. I didn't totally trust the calm so I didn't move more than the slow rocking motion. I maintained this for the last little bit. Smoothly as I could I made eye contact with Lena, once I had her attention I glanced down to where I still had a hold of Callie's right wrist. So that she would pick up on that I was concerned with. What was in Callie's balled up fist, she had desperately held onto it during the struggle? It was probably the reason I was able to get a good enough hold on her when I hugged her to the ground. I gave Lena a slight nod that yes I knew we were going to have to do something. The other kids would be up soon. We decided to let her take the lead seeing how she was the one still talking calmly to Callie.

Lena moved to where she was crouched down in front of us and said "Callie Girl, I need you show me what you have in your hand"

I instantly felt Callie stiffen up and try to get off the floor, struggling to break out of the hold I had her in. I locked my legs around hers, squeezing her to me and most importantly I kept hold of her wrist as she wiggled.

In what I hoped was a calm voice, I said "Easy Callie Girl Easy"

I was so busy trying to control her I almost didn't hear when Callie choked out a plea "ppple...please" When she rolled onto her stomach, I felt her suck in a deep breath and saw her bite down on the inside of her lip to keep herself from squealing out. I was starting to get very apprehensive as to what she had in her fist; we need to get it away from her now.

Lena reached over and raised the bottom of my hoodie that Callie had on and ran her left hand up under it, and her T-shirt. She started lightly making circles with her finger tips on the girls back. In a soothing tone she started the mantra back up. I extended Callie's right arm out as far as it would go while putting pressure on her wrist. Lena reached out with her other hand, encompassing Callie's forcing the girl's fist to turn.

"Come on Sweets, it's ok, you're safe, I'll not let anything happen to you" I said hoping she would listen to me.

"I can't" came her reply. I started counting in my head trying to calm myself. When I got to three she continued with "It's...It's the only way" I was confused so I asked "The only way?" I felt her nodded against my chest. I looked to Lena to see if she had any clue as to what the girl was talking about.

But before we could come up with answer I glanced up and saw Jude in the doorway with a scared look on his face. I could see the tears pooling in his eyes he was trying not to cry. I wasn't quick enough to alert Lena to his presence before in a strong voice that surprised me. Jude said "Cal remember you promised! Please give it to Coco. You said no more, I need you to do this pleaseeeee" Where did this boy come from? He wasn't the meek boy that we normally saw and from the look on his face he was dead serious about what he was saying. Jude continued "Come on Cal please you don't break promises".

Very slowly Callie opened her fist and a razor blade drop out of her hand.

Damn it! Lena quickly picked up the blade, as she was on her way to the trash with it I noticed her inspecting it. With tears in her eyes she looked up and gave me a slight nod. Double Damn! The girl had used it recently, was this what she was doing at night by the tree? While I idly sat up there and gave her space…uggg I don't even want to think about it.

I glanced down all the fire had gone out of Callie; she is just lying there on top of me. She had moved her hand back to her face and was slowly rubbing the side of her nose. I really want to take the hoodie off her head, so I could see her eyes better but I think it gives her sense of comfort and I don't want to disturb her calm.

I look up at Jude, giving him a grateful smile. Lena walked over and gave him a hug from behind. He let her guide him back until she was sitting on one of the stools and he was standing between her legs, she started rocking him slightly. After a few minutes I spoke up and said

"Buddy you did well, I know you are worried but Lena and I are going to help her Ok?" I got a slight nod and a knowing look from him so I continued "We need you to go get dressed and get ready for school" This must not have been what he was thinking by the look of panic on his face.

Lena must have sensed it because she hugged him tighter and whispered into his ear. "You've got to trust us, she is struggling right now and she needs to know you are alright" He looked over at Callie who was still in my arms; I could see the hesitation in his eyes I don't know what we are going to do if he doesn't agree, so I waited praying he would listen and go to school. Finally he nodded but made no move to go upstairs. Lena gave him one tighter squeeze and got up guiding him toward the stairs. Kissing the top of his head as she turned him loose to go up to get ready. As Jude headed up the stairs I saw him look over at Callie and me. I will not EVER forget the look on his face. It was one of total acceptance for our love for him and Callie. I knew in that moment that Jude was mine and Lena's forever.

A/N Thank you Lacorra for the edit


	4. Deep Breath, Together

A/N

The Legal stuff first I don't own The Fosters nor its characters.

I want to thank everyone for reading and especially those who have reviewed. It helps keep me writing when I know that you are enjoying my work.

I am open to any suggestions you might have as to where to take this story.

Please be warned there are some heavy topics in this chapter, this is more of a filler chapter but it was necessary to build the story.

Deep Breath, Together

Lena

I turned from walking Jude to go up the stairs, I remind myself to take a deep breath. I wondered how many time I was going to do that today?

I walked back into the kitchen, I looked over to the nook and see that Stef and Callie both was in a sleepy stupor and hadn't moved from the position I had left them in when I went to get Jude started on getting ready. I was so relieved that he had decided to trust us with Callie I couldn't help but think it was a major hurdle to of overcame with the pair.

I knew Stef and I had very little time to get Callie upstairs before the other kids saw her like this. I am brought out of my thoughts and refocused by hearing the upstairs shower turn on, Marianna is up, so the bathroom wars are about to begin.

I hated to do this but "Stef?" I said in a hushed voice. She nodded and opened her eyes; she had heard the shower also.

I hope this goes better than last time, I think as I crouch down to my knees in front of the pair.

"Callie…Callie Girl I know you don't want to move but we need to get you up." She doesn't acknowledge that I had spoken to her. It was almost like trying to wake a sleepy toddler who hasn't finished their nap. Stef and I made eye contact, this had to be done.

Stef starts rising toward me I take the girl by the shoulders and rotate her up into me, as she brings her knees to her chest. She is in a half sitting, half leaning hugged in my arms. While I do this I keep saying anything that I can think of to keep the girl calm although I am not sure she is hearing me.

This change is enough for Stef to get from behind Callie; she stands up and takes a minute to stretch her back and legs they had to be stiff. She had been in floor in an unforgiving position for close to two hours rocking a very pissed off teenager who was rolling on top of her for most of the time.

I look up at her and give her the Are you ok baby? look. I receive Yes, Love don't worry look in return.

Deep Breath, Together our eyes say to each other.

Stef moves behind Callie, I move into a crouched position keeping her close to me. I start explaining to her that we were now going to lift her up and walk her upstairs. As Stef and I lifted her I felt her knees buckle a little. When I looked into her face she had tears over flowing from her eyes that was leaving big tear marks down her face. My heart broke; I had never seen anywhere close to this much emotion out of the girl. It worries me that she was not responding or acknowledging what we were doing in any way. But I am grateful she wasn't fighting us. I take her chin in my hand, moving her face until I make her have eye contact with me. I try to ignore what I see in her eyes because if I don't, I don't think I will do what I need to do in the next few minutes. I know this is for the girl's own good but doesn't make it any easier. I am sure that this is not going to be the last time I am going to be uneasy about doing what I need to in the next few days or even weeks for that matter.

When Stef went to put her arms around Callie's stomach to place her in a bear hug, Callie makes a "Owwoww " face and tries to guard her middle with her hands as she is trying without a lot of success to breath threw the pain. Stef lifts the bottom of Callie's shirt tails up to as high as she can with one hand and I take a quick peek at Callie's stomach. I see several cuts but most of them have quit bleeding, there is a couple I am worried about so I grab a dish cloth and place it on them. As Stef lowers her arms, she makes sure she places the shirts over the dish towel and that she is placing pressure on the cuts.

Deep Breath, Together

I try to keep Callie's focus off the cuts by saying "Baby I need you to focus on me ok? Right here look at me, do not disappear. I need you to help us ok?" When I get a slight nod, I am relieved. She knows that I am here and take this as a good sign. I drop my hand and grab hers and start rubbing circles on the back of it. I am reminded as I do this that I need to check her knuckles on both her hands, I had noticed on her right one that it was swollen and bruised when I had grabbed her fist earlier.

We started walking out of the kitchen toward the steps. "Ok here we go Sweets up the stairs, just focus on me." We keep moving up the stairs together. I see her bite down on the inside of her lip trying to keep her bottom lip from quivering. By the time when we are about half up the stairs, Callie is taking short quick breaths, making little squeaking noises and is openly crying. Ignore, focus was all I could think as I look at her trying to keep her at least calm enough that we can get her in our room, without the other kids seeing her. I am sure she is going to be embarrassed, with Stef and I when she comes around from this episode. She would be total mortified if the others saw her

"I know Baby we are going to take care of you, almost there" I say in a soft Mama voice.

We move into mine and Stef's room I don't think the poor baby as any more strength to fight. She looks exhausted, and so emotional vulnerable. "I know you are tired, we are going to let you sleep in just a minute, and you're doing so good Sweets" I tell her.

Stef and I share a nod, we are going to lay her down on the bed to check her stomach. See how much damage she has done. I grimace at the thought and force myself to focus. As much as I am sure seeing the damage is going to break my heart, I am sure I am not going to want to hear the reason as to what has caused her so much pain and turmoil to cause her to be able to do this to herself.

After making sure Stef had a tight grip on her so that she could finish walking Callie to the bed. I hurried to our bathroom and grab the supplies we would need.

I walked toward our bed, where Stef had placed Callie. Stef was trying to keep her sitting up. So that we could take off her tops, so we could look at her. After I placed the supplies within easy reach for us, I get behind Callie to help.

Stef

I needed to take control of the situation, but couldn't until we got her up here. It had seemed to take forever to get her to our room. I know for Callie to cry out in pain it was bad. I just didn't know whether she was hurting from the cuts, the emotional pain or both.

As Lena comes back in to the room, she sits the supplies down where I can get to them easily and climbs behind Callie. I reach under Callie's shirts and place a hand on the dish towel to keep the pressure on it. I grab a hold of Callie's shirt tails, as we start to take the shirts over Callie's head; she doesn't want to lift her arms.

"Sweets?" I questioned

Callie looks up at me for the first time and lets me see her real eyes. I see nothing but hurt, pain, fear, and sadness within them. I give her a reassuring look and try to convey all my love through my eyes. I had to catch myself and quail my natural instincts to force her, she needs to cross this bridge on her own. So I start counting in my head, I kept her gaze and try to bare it without flinching. Her face is scrunched up, and she is trying hard to focus enough to be stubborn. When I see her eyes go back to the scared little girl version. I try again to get the tops over her head this time she doesn't resist and lets them go over her raised arms.

As Lena lays back toward the headboard she takes Callie with her. I reach across Callie blocking her legs from coming up for her to go into a ball. I keep my eyes with hers, trying to give her anything to help her get through this. Callie is taking deep breaths in and is slowly letting them out, as she is biting her lip, she is hurting so bad.

Lena reached out and I handed her one of the cool wet wash cloths that was in the supplies that she had brought. She started soothing Callie by placing it on her forehead. And started rubbing a soft, calm hand through her hair. She started whispering into Callie's ear in a soft voice which seemed to calm the girl. This gave us a minute to catch our breaths and gather ourselves.

Deep Breath, Together

"Sweets, I am going to look at your stomach ok?" I say in a tone that let her know that she really didn't have a choice.

A/N Thank you Lacorra for the edit


	5. More to Come

A/N

The Legal stuff, I don't own The Fosters nor its characters.

I want to thank everyone for reading and especially those who have reviewed. It helps keep me writing when I know that you are enjoying my work.

Please be warned there are some sensitive descriptions in this chapter.

Sorry a short one; I tried to lighten up on the drama this chapter, due to the next ones being so heavy.

More to Come

General POV

Stef looked down and started to take the dish cloth off Callie's tummy, she felt Callie's hands go on top of her wrist and squeezed them, as the girl tried to bring her knees up to protect herself.

"Easy Sweets, I'm just looking to make sure you're ok, I will let you know if I am going to do something that might hurt." Stef said as she blocked Callie's legs from coming any higher.

Lena reached down and grabbed Callie's left elbow forcing her arm to bend, taking her hand up to her face thus putting her into position to sooth herself by rubbing her nose. As she straightened the wet cloth on Callie's forehead so that it would go further down, almost covering the girl's eyes. She than reached for another wet wash cloth holding it in placed on Callie's right hand over her bruised knuckles by placing her hand front to back over the top of the girl's, interlocking their fingers.

Stef watched this, with a look of amazement and love in her eyes, Lena had known exactly what their baby had needed, and she did it so smoothly that Callie didn't even attempt to fight her, she just relaxed into Lena.

Stef took the cloth off, and got a look at the damage, Callie had done to herself. She let out the breath she didn't realize she had held in. Not that the cuts within their self's wasn't bad, it was just that she could tell most of them were shallow and would need cleaned, but not that big of a deal. A couple of the deeper ones would need watched carefully, so that they didn't get infected, but none looked like they needed stitches.

What did worry her was as she accessed Callie was that she saw dried blood in several spot on Callie's sports bra and as she further looked down the girl's body she noticed that where the bottoms of Callie's basketball shorts had rode up there was 4 or 5 nasty looking scratches/marks/cuts/bruises on the inside of each thigh. If this is what they could see what did the girl have hidden?

Stef's and Lena's eyes met, this wasn't good. This wasn't the first time the teen had self-injured. From the looks of things she had struggled for some time. Lena's eyes teared up and she could see Stef getting pissed and blaming herself for the girl's actions. Both of them tried to calm down.

There was a timid knock on the door; both Moms knew it was Jude, checking on Callie.

Stef covered Lena and Callie with the sheet and went to open the door. When she opened the door Jude had a pained look on his face and was practically dancing with anticipation, trying to look around Stef to see if Callie was ok. Stef let him look but didn't move to let him come into the room.

Jude's roamed his eyes up Callie assuring himself that she was ok. When he got to the top of Callie, Lena bent her head down, catching his eye. She whispered "She is fine Buddy, I got her." When Jude accepted this Lena finished "Go with Mom to breakfast." With tears that threaten to spill out of his eyes, he nodded his head and let Stef push him back into the hallway. As she shut the door, she wrapped her arms around the boy. They just stood there intertwined until Jesus called from the bottom of the stairs.

"Dude come on, we are going to be late" he called to Jude .With that Jude removed himself from Stef's embrace, wiping his eyes with the back of his hands and went down the stairs to meet Jesus. Stef hated to let the boy go but she didn't see any choice, she followed Jude down the steps

"Jesus have you taken your pill?" Stef asked as both boys went out the front door. Jesus gave her affirmative nod, as he handed Jude a banana and a container of OJ.

"Where are your Brother and Sister?" was her next question as she walked both boys out the door. Before Jesus could answer Stef saw B and Marianna waiting at the sidewalk for the Boys. Marianna had Jude's backpack and B had his lunch. Stef couldn't help but smile, her heart grew when she saw that they just made room for Jude to walk between them. She couldn't believe how big her older kids were getting. As the kids turned to walk down the sidewalk, to school. Stef's and B eyes met, B gave his Mom a slight nod. Letting her know Jude would be fine they had him and would watch out for him.

Stef made her way to the kitchen; she grabbed a couple of waters and OJs. An ice pack out of the freezer and made her way up stairs. As she went up the stairs she tried to mentally prepare herself for the battle that was about to happen.

A/N Thank you Lacorra for the edit


	6. Swore

A/N

The Legal stuff first I don't own The Fosters or its characters.

I will write for reviews…Thank You, You Rock!

I hope I got this chapter right, this was the hardest to write…so far

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics, so please read with care.

Swore

Stef

I take a minute to take a deep breath and collect my thoughts. I pause outside my bedroom door. Lena and I have always known the Jacob siblings had not, had an easy time of it since their Father had gone to prison for the car accident that had killed their Mother. They had been bounced from one bad foster home situation to another.

We both had cried our way through Callie's thick DSS file, which was made all that more horrible by the thinness of Jude's. I remember thinking if this is what is in her file that and had been reported God, only knows what hadn't been. Lena and I had discussed it, and decide that we would keep an eye on the siblings, to give them extra attention and reassurance.

Jude had been the easier of the two to adjust; he had basked in the extra attention and was especially close to Lena. Callie had been a lot more reserved and skittish about things, but she had seemed to have settled into our home.

Apparently we had been suckered in by still waters, a Grammy worthy performance by the girl. Had I missed something? Were there signs I didn't pick up on? These thoughts kept spinning around and around in my head, I knew I wouldn't be able to get the answers right now while I was still keyed up. I decided to put them away for a little while.

I swore that this was the last time I was ever going to fail her.

I quietly open the door and step into the room. I had to smile at the site in front of me. Callie was still in Lena's arms curled into a ball; she had given in, and was sucking her thumb. She looked like she was in a deep sleep, finally.

Lena had heard me open the door and had given me a tired smile as I came in. I arched my eyebrow questioning it. Lena gives me the "out" signal with her hand.

Lena eyes lit up when she saw I had brought provisions, I walked over and handed her an OJ to drink, and she reached for it with the hand that was covering Callie's busted knuckles. The rest of the drinks went onto the Lena's nightstand, where we could reach them when we needed to.

With her hand out of the way I gently removed the cloth that was on Callie's hand, taking a look at the damage. I didn't think her knuckles were broken, just bruised. Callie had been able to hold onto the razor blade with them like this, so I knew her fingers were not broken. I replaced the cloth on her hand and added the ice pack onto it moving her hand gently until it rested on her ribs.

Once Lena finished her OJ and handed me the empty bottle to throw away in the trash can beside the bed, she lets her hand linger on mine. I take it interlocking our fingers, I hold onto it giving her what I hope is a confronting squeeze. When I look back up we make eye contact, and have a mute conversation.

Yes, I think we need to check her while she is still sleeping. I looked at the girl she was out cold; she hadn't had a full night's sleep in at least a week.

Yes I think that the girl is hiding more injures. No, I don't think we are going to like what we find.

Yes, I will be as gentle as I can, but we need to get her injuries cleaned up, do not want to get them infected.

Yes, I think it's best I she stays where she is, I don't want to risk waking the girl.

With a shrug I answered the last question. I didn't know how Callie would react, but I am guessing not well.

I go around and climb up on the bed to check Callie's back while she is curled up. I careful remove the sheet from the sleeping girl. I try to keep my face neutral, so as not to alarm Lena

I know abuse when I see it, the girl's back is littered with scars and burn marks. Most of the scars were probably cause by belts, and wire hangers. I have to blink away the tears that come to my eyes. What kind of sick Asshole would ever do this to this to another human much less this sweet girl? The good news is I do not see any new cuts, just a few red marks on her side at her ribs where she has scratched herself, but hadn't broken the skin. There are a few scars the wrap around from her back to her front at different points on the girl's body.

Marianna had mentioned to Lena that Callie always changes in the bathroom, this makes sense now. Marianna had thought Callie was avoiding being in their room alone with it just being the two of them. Lena had explained to her that Callie was shy and it was going to take some time for the girl to get use to sharing a room with someone and neither of us heard any more about it.

Together we turn the girl carefully by the shoulder onto her back. "Shhh Sweets go back to sleep" Lena says to the girl as she gently starts playing with Callie's hair smoothing it down. While she coos babble to Callie who stirs at being moved.

I reach into the first aid kit and open several packs of Antiseptic wipes. The package says, non-stinging; I sure hope this is not false advertising, because we are about to find out.

Callie mummers as I start cleaning her cuts on her stomach, rolling her shorts down as far as I can checking that area.

After I am finish with Callie's stomach, I quickly check her arms and only find minor scratches and scars, no cuts which don't surprise me, Callie knows we would see anything that was below her shirt sleeves.

I look up at Lena to steady myself, and to make sure she is ok emotionally and is ready for me to begin with the harder tasks. I move the girls' sports bra, trying to as careful and soft as I can so I don't wake the girl.

Damn tears…I can't see it takes me minute to get myself together, enough to being to clean the cuts I find. Several of the cuts that should of had stitches. I think they are going to leave scars; we are going to have to really watch these.

I can't look at Lena, I know if we make eye contact neither of us is going to be able to carry on with what we need to do. I move on, raising Callie's left leg up enough for me to slide up the bottom of her short legs as far as I can. I hear Lena takes in a deep breath and inadvertently let out a gasp. No wonder Callie had been crying and in pain when we had forced her to walk up the stairs. I am sure this is what she had done either last night or early this morning.

I moved Callie's leg out more and see she has a gauze bandage taped to her high thigh, groin area. It had a half dozen or so red, puffy angry looking cuts poking out around the bandage. The bandage is bloody and needed to be changed.

I try to take a deep breath to steal myself, this can't be good.

I start removing the tape, and slowly move the bandage off the wound. I grab a clean bandage switching it out, with the dirty one. I am trying not to look to close at the damage. After a few minutes of extra pressure and when I am pretty sure the bleeding as slowed down I remove the bandage.

Lena makes noise close to a cry and she brings her hand up to cover her month. My Baby Girl has been branded with what looks like a symbol. That's bad enough, but what takes my breath away, is it looks she has tried to cut it out of her skin.

I take a deep breath, but can't keep the tears out from falling, reaching out and grabbing Lena's hand, squeezing it. I don't know if it is to comfort her or is it to steady me.

My poor baby girl, my heart is breaking.

I wipe my eyes; I've got to pull myself together. My baby girl needs me.

I start to clean the wounds trying not to think about what I was doing, when I am brought out of my zone when I hear Callie crying out.

"It hurrtttttts…STTTTOOOOPPPP" she screeched as she tried to bring herself up and away from me, kicking at me to get me to stop. I reach for her ankle, Lena moves into a better position and cradles Callie in her lap encompassing her in a hug, with Callie's arm on the inside of hers, starts rocking her, and starts cooing a soothing mantra. I am glad the girl is exhausted and not fully aware because I don't think she would have gone into Lena comfort as easily as she did.

Callie is crying and is trying to catch her breath, while trying to burry herself into Lena. This is not going to get any easier; when I look at Lena she gives me a nod. I have got to finish this out. I move up onto the bed splitting her legs, laying my body across her right leg and grabbing her left ankle so that she couldn't kick or get away from me. I start cleaning the wound; I work as quickly as I can. I dress it with clean gauze and tape it down.

"PPLEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSEEEEEEE STOPPPPPPPPP"

"OWEEEEEEeee it hurts" she screams several times as she struggles against me and Lena. I clean the other cuts on this thigh, the best I could with her wiggling the way she was.

As I am getting up off her right leg, she pulls back and kicks at me "Get the Fuck off me Bitch" she yells at me as I dodge the kick. I ignore the girl; nothing is going to be gained by getting into it. I know she really didn't mean it, she was hurting and scared. Her eyes don't lie, I wonder if she knows the tough girl act didn't sync with what her eyes tell me.

I grab her right ankle and she tries to move her leg, so I can't get it to check her other upper leg. I really didn't want to but she left me with no choice, I had to practical lay my knees across her lower right leg and use my body as leverage. I fight with her for a few minutes before I can get her shorts up enough to check her leg. I am relieved to see no brands, some minor scratches and a few cuts that looked more like the ones on her stomach. As I am finishing up I noticed that Callie as gotten quiet; she is shaking trying to catch her breath instead of fighting with us.

"Easy Callie Girl Easy" I say as I get off her, trying to help Lena calm her down. I can see very clearly this is not going to work this time. She can't get her breath, it is coming too quickly.

"CCCAnnnT breath she squeaks out. This could get serious very quickly.

I take her face into my hands, trying to get her to look at me "Sweets you're ok, I need you to look me. Yes right here, I need you to breath in threw your nose out through your mouth…Yes follow my breathing in threw your nose out through your mouth" I say as I look into her eyes. I have to repeat this instruction several times to the girl. Soon I begin to relax, as she as almost gotten her breathing back in control. Callie struggles against Lena trying to get out of her arms.

"I'm going to be sick" she says as Lena gets her over the side of the bed. I am barely able to grab the trash can and get under her before she pukes. Lena grabs her hair to keep it out of the way. It's mostly dry heaves with a little coffee and it takes her a few minutes to finish. She leans shakily back into Lena who had held her and rubbed her back, while she was being sick.

After I clean up the mess we have made, and wash my hands. I climb on my side of the bed. "Baby Girl, I need you to drink some water, and take these" I put the water bottle to her mouth, after she has taken a couple of sips. I give her the meds. And have her drink some more water.

She is trying to hide herself in Lena's neck, and is taking big gulps of air. Keeping her eyes down and away from my gaze. After I am sure she is going to the keep the water down I begin to talk "Baby look at me" I whispered, I wait for what seems like forever until she shakily brings her head up, it takes her several tries before she lifts her focus on me, her eyes still have a glossy faraway look.

With tears in my eyes, with all the force and love I can transpose into my voice I say. "We love you, nothing you have done or nothing that you need to work threw is going to change that, you don't have to hide from us"

I wait until she process this with her eyes, grabbed her into my arms, placing her into a hug locking her between me and Lena.

"Sleep Baby I got ya" I say as we drift off to sleep together.

A/N Thank you Lacorra for the edit


	7. Promise?

A/N

The Legal stuff first I don't own The Fosters or its characters.

Thank you for reading and reviewing.

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics, so please read with care.

Promise

Lena

We have gotten snuggled up into a big ball of hugs with Callie in the middle. I watched as my girls drift off to sleep. I love them both so much. It hurts to see either of them in the pain they are in. It is killing me. Both of them had to be exhausted both physically and mentally. While they sleep it gives me time to spin things around and try to start processing the situation.

I must of dozed off because the next thing I realize is I am opening my eyes to the brightness of the room from the sun. The sun has got to go! I think grumpily. I turn over and find Stef is watching me, we both give each other a tired smile. From the look on her face she has been awake for a while.

Did we want to risk us moving from Callie, to go have a discussion on this whole mess? I looked at the girl she was out cold; she hadn't had a full night's sleep in at least a week, and had three major fits this morning. She had to be beyond tired. I nodded. I really wanted to, no needed to connect with my wife and by the look Stef gave me she did to.

When we scooted from Callie, she instantly turned over to her side bringing herself into a tight ball. I gently sooth her, "Shhh " I whisper while placing my hand on her forehead for a moment until she had settled back down.

I took Stef's hand within mine and let her lead us to our bathroom, where I close the door most of the way but leave it slightly ajar, so that we could hear if there was an issue.

Stef had her arms around my waist and brought me into a big hug before I had even turned from the door. I feel her cry into my shoulder and I lost any resemblance of holding it together. Before I knew it she took both of us to the floor. We cry holding onto each other in a tight embrace. I don't know how long we've been down here, but the next rational thought I have was that I was getting too old for all this, lying around on the floor business.

"Love? I hear Stef whisper in between gulps of air "I'm fine Babe, just been a rough morning" I reply quietly. We both sit there quietly; gathering our thoughts for a few more minutes. The only sound I hear is Stef's hitched breathing as she tries to get herself back under control.

Stef broke the silence "She is hurting so bad, she is a mess. I was so scared when I saw her this morning, I didn't want to tackle her, but I had no choice. She was totally out of control, and I was afraid she was going to hurt herself on something" I nod into her shoulder when she says this statement so she continues "She needs us, how do we want to handle this Love?"

I take a moment then begin "We can't leave her alone, one of us needs to be with her at all times, she doesn't have any control right now and she is going to want to cut at any chance she gets. We need to make sure she doesn't have anything hidden to cut herself with. We will need to get the razors out of the bathrooms before we get her into the shower. I am sure she is going to resist when she finds out at least one of us is going to stay with her. We need to get some food in her, if we can but push the liquids, we don't want her dehydrated. After that I think Momma snuggles and try to get her to talk, which is going to be like pulling teeth. I think patience is going to be the key to get her threw this, she is stubborn like someone else I know." I said breaking out to a full grin when it dawn of Stef, I was comparing the girl to her. We both sit there with smiles on our faces content for the moment just to be together in the calm.

"At some point we need to call B's Dr. and see if we can get her appointment to get a through physical. By the looks of those scars it been quite a while since anyone has forced her to see the Dr." Stef says

I know where she is heading so I finish her thought by offering "I will make the calls. We need to inform Bill, I don't know how this was not picked up on. I know things get missed but…I am sure her Treatment team will want a meeting to get a new plan in place"

"Also I think I need to call Dr. Kodema and see if she as any suggestions on how to handle this. I will suggest a therapy appointment tomorrow though; I don't think Callie Girl can handle it today. We need to tread lightly with her; she is so broken right now. Babe don't be surprised if the Team wants us to sign off on getting Callie on meds to at least get her more stable"

With a steely tone to her voice "They are not going to jerk that girl around, she is ours now. Both of them are. They are not going to slide thru the cracks anymore. Please inform Bill of this, and have him start drawing up the papers for her and that sweet boy"

My heart swells, I don't trust my voice right now. My heart might explode with love. I just nod as tears of joy go down my face. It takes several deep breaths before I can find my voice and share what I had come up with during my processing time. "The more I think about it the more I think some of this might be a good thing" I feel Stef's arms tense around me as I continue my thought. "She finally feels safe enough, that she let herself feel, I am sure she has ignored her emotions and hasn't dealt with a lot, you read her file Babe. It's been about survival and protection of Jude."

"Depending on how old Callie Girl was when this stuff happen, it will determine how much she can share, it might be that she didn't have words for it than, suppressed it and never found the words or the emotions to process it." I give Stef a moment than say "Not that I think this is going be easy by any means. But Baby steps Baby, after this morning I think we need to take positives where we can get them."

When I look up into Stef's eyes I see nothing but love in them, she squeezes me tighter and gives me the first real kiss of the day. "I love you more than you will ever know" she says in between kisses. "Thanks for keeping me grounded." Before we can continue with our discussion we hear a noises coming from the bedroom. We hurriedly untangled ourselves from each and went to investigate the noise.

Callie girl is in the far corner of the room crouched down, with her back to the wall, trying push through the wall to find somewhere to hide. Her eyes are huge with a wild dazed look in them, tears are sliding down her cheeks. I get closer to the girl I can tell she hasn't come to fully yet and is totally confused as to where she is.

"Easy Callie Girl Easy" I say as I crouch down trying to get the girl to focus on me. I motion to Stef for one of the wet cloths. When I am close enough, I slow reach around her and place the wet cloth on her neck, and bring my hands back to my lap with the palms up. I am not sure if the girl can handle being touched right now.

"Hey Sweets, it's ok you are in our room, you are safe…No one is going to hurt you" I say as I sit in front of her. She doesn't meet my eyes and she is shaking but she at least as quit trying to push through the wall. I look over at Stef to get her take and she gives me the go with your gut look. I glance at Callie, she isn't hurting herself so I turn and make a settle motion with my hands to Stef, she nods agreement. When I glance back at Callie I see she is trying to figure her way through her befuddle thoughts. I give her, her space and time.

When I look into her eyes and saw that she was grounded in now. I open my arms and the girl lunges into them. Callie breaks down crying and shaking saying she was "sorry" over and over again.

Stef comes over and places a sheet over both of us; I am hoping that the girl's body will quit shaking, I keep rocking. Stef sits down beside us and wrapped a confronting arm around my shoulders.

After a few minutes, when Callie has calmed down a lot. I look to Stef and we agree as much as it breaks my heart it's time move forward with the plan.

"Here you need to drink this" I tell her as she takes the water bottle Stef had passed to me. I keep my hand on the bottom of it; I try not to let the girl know that I have noticed her hands were shaking, so bad that she as to hold it with both hands. Stef hands her a couple of pain meds, and we watch her takes these as I help her with the water.

"Callie Girl, I need you to listen to me...Are you listening"? When I get a faint nod I continue "We love you, and are not mad. We know you are scared right now and things are confusing… You are trying to deal with stuff that you don't want to, but it's ok, we aren't going anywhere and we will get through this together…Remember last night when you agreed we are on the same team? I waited on another faint nod from the girl "Well that means even when things get ugly and scary we are going to be here to help you."

I let the girl think about what I have said for a moment. When I glance up at Stef she has the "encouraging" look, and was nodding her agreement with me. She is ready when I am; to make the next move. I sit there a few more minute to make sure the girl is ok and to get myself ready. I take a deep breath and remind myself no matter what the girl tells me, I need to keep myself calm including my body language. It is killing me that I am going to have to take advantage of my babies' weakened states with her walls are down. I am guessing by the way she is acting that she is feeling like a 7 or 8 year old which would have been right around the time her mom died. I remind myself to deal with her like I would a kid that age, who thought they was in trouble.

"Baby, Mom and I wished you would have let us know that you were hurting. So we could have helped you, to where it wouldn't have gotten this far. But we know now, we are going to help you, but you've got to trust us. We need to talk about all the scary stuff, so that you don't hurt yourself and can properly deal with your feelings." She stiffens for the first time since I had taken her into my lap this time. Deep Breath

In what I hope is my best Momma voice I start asking questions that we need to have answers to.

"Was that your only razor blade?" It took the girl so long to answer that I thought that I had messed up and she had retreated back into herself, but she finally shook her head. Stef and I made eye contact. At least she was not hiding the truth from us. We needed to search the house especially her room and the base of the tree for her stash.

"Baby, did you do that to your leg yesterday when you didn't make it to class?" The shaking of the head came quicker this time and with a shrug. I can tell there is more to the answer but Callie don't have the verbal skills right now. I decide not to push the issue, but to circle back around it later.

I remember something Jude used this morning, which makes me feel bad that I am going to use it. "You don't break promises correct?" I get a hesitant nod "Can we make a promise to each other? That you will be honest with us? Mom and I promise that you we will be honest with you, we will not hurt you no matter what you need to tell us." I can tell that the girl is having a struggle within herself to agree to this. Stef and I worriedly look at each other, and can't do anything but wait the girl out. We can't move forward without her agreeing. After what feels like an eternity I feel the girl slightly nod as she starts shaking again.

"Do you know we love you?" I get very strong nod from the girl as she voluntary gave me the first real hug I had every received from her.

A/N Thank you Lacorra for the edit


	8. Concentrate

A/N

The Legal stuff first I don't own The Fosters or its characters.

Thank you for reading and reviewing…You have been to kind in your reviews

I hope I got Callie right, italics is what is being said or done outside of Callie's head. I wanted her to sound confused and trying to deal with stuff on one hand as a 7 or 8-year-old kid on the other hand a 15 year old.

I am moving this story along slow…As stubborn and traumatized as Callie is in this story it is going to take a lot of work to get her to open up...these issues are not fixed in a day.

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics, so please read with care.

Concentrate

Callie

Awee, Owee …It hurts…Rules, Run, Hide

Where am I? Remember the rules Run, Hide. I can't let them get me, they will hurt me again.

"_Easy CallieGirl Easy_" I hear... I got to Run, Hide.

Ummm that feels good, it's so hot in here._"Hey Sweets, it's ok you are in our room, you are safe…No one is going to hurt you" _I hear her tell me.

I want Momma, Breath got to Breath.

Coco is in front of me, with her arms open. Before I can stop myself I forget the rules and jump in her arms. Coco always makes it better, she is Momma.

I have messed up everything. "_Sorry_" _I try to tell them through my tears_, "_Sorry_" I am a disappointment, "_Sorry_" I didn't mean to make you cry. Please don't cry Coco, "_Sorry_" Stef I didn't mean to make you sad. "_Sorry_" for not being strong enough to fight the bad thoughts I only wanted the pain to stop.

Breath got to Breath

"_Here you need to drink this_"_ I hear Lena tell me as she hands me water. _Yes, water I am so thirst got to keep my hands steady, need more water…concentrate. Then Meds will take the Owwe away.

Breath got to Breath

_In a soft voice I hear Lena's soft voice_ "_CallieGirl, I need you to listen to me...Are you listening_"? I nod even though I can't really focus on anything. The need snuggle into her and hide myself in hair is over powering.

"_We love you, and are not mad. We know you are scarred and things are confusing… you are trying to deal with stuff that you don't want to but it's ok, we aren't going anywhere and we will get through this together…Remember last night when you agree we are on the same team?"_ They are just saying that until they can get me placed, in Crazyville, together means run and dump for a kid like me. Team is Jude and I.

Lena continues "_Well that means even when things get ugly and scary we are going to be here to help you. But that also means you got to keep your promise and try_" I tried so hard to get the spinning to stop, but I couldn't.

"_Baby, Mom and I wished you would have let us know that you were hurting so we could have helped you, to where it wouldn't have gotten this far."_ It was the only way to stop the pain.

_But we know now, we are going to help you, but you got to trust us. We need to talk about all the scary stuff, so that you don't hurt yourself and can properly deal with your feelings_." We never talk about what as happened to cause the bad thoughts. We ignore and move on.

"_Was that your only razor blade_?" _Lena asks_. How do I answer that? If I tell them Stef will take them away and then I will not have anything to make the painful thoughts stop spinning, around and an around. I can always find more. I shake my head.

"_Baby, did you do that to your leg yesterday when you didn't make it to class?"_ _Lena asks_ I was trying not to break down…too busy puking and then it was getting late and I didn't want anyone to know I couldn't hold it together… _I tell them no by shaking my head._

"_You don't break promises correct? Can we make a promise to each other? That you will be honest with us?_ Maybe I can fight the monster with them. She is Coco and Coco always makes it better. And Stef don't take any shit from anyone, she is tough and a little scary at times. But they didn't leave me even when I couldn't hold it in anymore. Liam's brand was taunting me every time I moved… I was trying to not cut, I had already been weak…Maybe it will be different this time. _I nod_

"_Do you know we love you_?" They Love me? But I am not worthy of their love…Lean's eyes are not lying…They love me; Coco's hug will make it better… I just want to hide.

Stef

Lena seemed to have gotten through to the girl a little. I can see that Lena is totally lost in the hug CallieGirl is giving her. It surprised me that she freely had given Lena one, and from the look on Lena's face it did her too. I couldn't help but smile and squeeze Lena a little tighter to me.

"Jude?" Callie all of sudden blurted out in a near panic voice, as she tried to break out of Lena's lap. I place a hand on her shoulder keeping her in place "He is fine, he is at school" I tell her as I move around in front of the girls, so I can get a better look at Callie.

When I look into her eyes she does not look like a 15-year-old girl. She looks totally overwrought and barely only holding on to "now". This doesn't surprise me after the evidence we found of her struggle and the morning we have had.

Callie very rarely loses control, not in the three months she had lived here with many daily opportunities to do so, especially with this many teens in the house. She normally just let things roll and didn't even act like anything affected her. It was the reason both Lena and I had been concern when we had found out Callie hadn't made it to class after lunch…Still waters.

Only recorded time in her file had been the broken car windows which she was on probation for. But when you read between the lines in her file of the incident you could see it was A-Means-to-an-End. Protecting Jude was something that was in-grained into her; I am sure she just did it and moved on. This was something totally different for her and she was a sacred confused little girl.

"How about we have Breakfast for Lunch, that way you can have your coffee with your sandwich?" I ask the girl, as I get up off the floor and go to the laundry basket getting one of my hoodies out and hand it to her. I get a nod with a bit of light in the girl's eye; I ignore the look her Momma tries to give me.

I reach down and help Callie up off Lena's lap. I help her get my hoodie on, her chest had to be killing her but she wasn't going to let me know it. She put the hood up of course, so she can hide. Dam it I should have been smarter about what I gave her to wear; then again maybe it will help her not be so embarrassed about the next task. As guide her toward the bed I say "Ok but first I need to check the bandage on your leg." I get a look of panic from the girl, who tries to balk "No worries Sweets no wipes this time, just a quick change IF it needs it." I push her down on the bed and swing her feet around until she is leaning back against the headboard and pillows.

"I will even let you pull your shorts up, to let me check. I am so sure it's not even going to hurt this time that we are going to let Momma go do her business in the bathroom, so that we can get in there after we get done with lunch." I say this last part for Lena benefit so it would give her an out to go clean out the bathroom including the shower of sharps. We really would need to get Callie in there after lunch. I don't even have to make eye contact with Lena, she just gives me a gentle pat on the shoulder and a fly by smooch to my forehead and she was gone.

Calm…I start counting, when did I become my mother? I get to 30 waiting on Callie to move her left short leg up, before I break. Good thing Lena isn't watching this, or I would get a "Patience" look.

"Come on Sweets, I know you don't want to, but we got to check it. We don't want infection" I say to the girl. It's when I go to reach for her short leg that she moves, placing her hand around my wrist not really to stop me, just being there if she needed to protect herself. I should have known that she couldn't do it; she didn't mentally have the strength to do it right now.

I glanced at the girl, she had her eyes closed and her forehead was scrunching up. Her whole body was tense. She was waiting on the pain, almost like she didn't believe what I said. The good news was that the bleeding had stopped, and the bandage could wait to be changed, until her shower time. Lena comes out of the bathroom and hands me a box to put in my gun safe. I glance at Callie she is in the same position as before, eyes closed, waiting on the pain.

"All done my CallieGirl, why don't you go to the bathroom and wash your face? Momma do you think you can find her some clean shorts in the laundry?" Lena nods and goes guide Callie to the bathroom I said this so that I can get Callie out of here, to get the razors in my closet without her seeing and it gets Lena in the general vicinity of Callie to keep an eye on her.

I am not looking forward to the "shadow" conversation with Callie. I know that one is going to be a battle. I don't have the strength right now to have it. I need coffee, lots and lots of coffee is all I can think as I take care of the razors.

When My Girls finish and come out, we all head downstairs to the kitchen together. Slowly because Callie can hardly walk but she is more together now and will not let us help. We tried to give her some space and some resemblance of balance. Appearance of being strong meant everything to the girl, she didn't show weakness often. She just bit her bottom lip as she slowly limp all the way to the kitchen, with us on either side of her.

We decided egg and bacon sandwich was on the menu for our Breakfast Lunch. Callie picked at her plate, mostly moved things around. But drunk all her water and was about half through her coffee when we finished. It had been a quiet lunch; all of us were lost in our thoughts. Lena and I kept a watchful eye on the girl, if you didn't know what was really going on you would not have guessed, she was such a damaged kid.

As we finish and place the dishes in the sink I grab the girl's hand and guide her to the living room. Giving her little choice, I placed her on the couch; Lena placed an ice pack on the girl's bruised knuckles and sat down beside her. I thought it was best to sit in the chair to the side of them for this conversation.

I reminded myself of all the angst I felt this morning when I looked at what this precious girl had been able to do to herself. It scared me that we were going to lose her if we are not careful. I reminded myself to temper the fire that I am feeling as I begun.

"Eyes please" slowly the girl look up at me. I am glad to see that they are not as dull and unfocused as they were earlier. I place my hand on top of the ice bag to on her bruised hand holding it on there to remind me why I am doing this.

"CallieGirl, we need to know you are ok. I need you talk and try to use your words." We got to get her talking someway. I know Ok is a relative term but it was all I could think of.

"CallieGirl, you really scared us. Those cuts are serious. You hurting yourself is serious...You said this morning that the razor blade was the only way? Baby it's not the way to handle things, and we are going to help you find the right ways to handle those scary feelings"

I happen to look down and Callie's other hand is in an almost fist. She as it in such a way that she is pinching her thigh, digging her nails into her skin.

"Whoa Sweets, no more hurting yourself" I say as Lena tries to grabs her other hand. That must have triggered something in the kid because before I knew it she jerked her hand away, jumped up off the couch, knocking Lena back when she tried to reach for her.

I grabbed her, bringing her down into my lap on the couch right where she had gotten up from.

"You don't get to lay you hands on anyone in this house." I tell the girl in a no nonsense voice. I can feel her shaking and she starts crying.

"That goes for me to Sweets; we don't get to put our hands on anyone in this house in anger." I just hold on to her until she slow relaxes enough to believe me. When I look up Lena is in front of us with a wet cloth, which I gladly take and gentle wipe the girls face.

"I'm sorry" the girl finally says after she as been in my lap for 15-20 minutes.

"CallieGirl what happened?" I ask as gently as I can.

"I'm fine" is the response I get from the girl.

Lena gives me the "Patience" looks when our eyes meet.

"Ok Sweets that's not keeping your promise, remember your going to be honest with us?" I say in my best soothing voice. I feel the girl's head lean back into my shoulder and I am glad she did because I don't think I would have heard her secret.

"It's theeee only way… to stop the MMMMonster from Spinning." She says as she breaks down and wraps herself into a ball in my lap.


	9. You will be

A/N

The Legal stuff first I don't own The Fosters or its characters.

Thank you for reading and reviewing

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics, so please read with care.

You will be

Lena

"It's the only way… to stop the MMMMonsters from Spinning." I hear Callie whisper, as she wraps herself into a ball in Stef's lap. The poor baby is trying to hide her face in Stef's neck and with the hood up on her hoodie she had effective shut us out.

"What did you say?" Stef asks the girl "Nothing." Callie mumbles a reply.

"Callie Honesty." Stef warns, time for me to step in.

"Monsters spinning Baby? I ask. This makes the girl go tighter into Stef's neck, as she mumbles a reply "Tired…so Tired"

Stef and I make eye contact neither of us knows what the girl is talking about. I flash a 5 than a 2 sign to Stef, to make her realize that Callie was acting like a 7-year-old kid and the best time for honest answer from them is when they have no filters because they are tired right before nap.

When Stef nods her understanding, I sit on the other side of them. "Come on Sweets, let me hold you also please" I say as Stef moves the girl open enough for me to take her into my arms. She is laying in the middle on both of us, forcing her from hiding place. Now we can see her face, not that she wants us to. She keeps trying to wiggle around to find any place she can to put her face to hide. When that doesn't work she tries to get up from between us.

I can tell Stef isn't going to let this go on long, she is way too scared and tired for tact right now."Cut it out Callie, you need to sit up here and be a Brave girl. Momma and I can't help if you will not talk to us. No more hiding… not from us. We have come too far Callie I am not going to let you hurt yourself because you think you can deal with stuff on your own." Stef tells the girl in a command voice as she forces the girl back down between us.

I take the girl's shoulder, guiding her into my shoulders and grabbing one of her hands with mine. When I go on an upward motion to stroke her hair with my other hand I force the hoodie hood back off her face, I need to see her eyes. No wonder the girl was trying to hide. Her face is pale; huge tears are in her eyes threatening to spill out. They are telling me she is scared.

"Baby its ok we aren't going to hurt you we just want to talk that all" I tell the girl, I am sure on some levels Callie equates talking to pain…Patience.

We sit there for a few minutes so that she can get herself calmed. Patience and calm I remind myself both my girls feed off of emotion, Callie is just showing hers a little more than Stef is, but I don't think it will take much to push Stef over the edge.

"CallieGirl are you listening? I whisper after the calm takes the tension down in the room between us. "We know you are scared right now, but we need to talk about the Monsters so that we know how to fight them…together. So that they are not spinning in your head and causing you so much pain that you think you got to cause yourself pain to make it stop….I am right the Monsters are spinning bad thoughts in your head?" I finish whispering

The whisper trick is one we learned from when we first got the Twins. Jesus would have to stop and pick up on our ever word, it would slow his mind down enough for him to explain what had upset him or why he had done something. It was calming enough to Marianna that she felt safe enough to communicate at first not verbally but we got her there.

I am thinking Callie in this state is going to be a combo of the two. ..Yes, it still works I think as the girl slightly nods and replies in a soft voice "I'm not crazy, the Monsters...my head get messy" "Baby you aren't crazy, and no one is thinking that. We just got to find ways to slow them down enough for you to deal with them the right way" I whisper back to her.

Callie tries several times to start to speaking only to stop "Sweets, try to use your words please" Stef reminds the girl when she gets frustrated and shrugs "When you are ready we can help you if you can't. You just"

"I got to keep my promise to Jude, we can't be split up…I'm fine." the girl interrupts Stef to say. She jerks her hand out of ours; to cross her arms over her chest, in what I could see Stef took as being defiant.

Before I can get Stef's eye to remind her to stay calm, she moves off the couch and gets down on her knees in front of us. I reach out and put a calming hand on her arm, Go easy Baby I try to convey to her.

Callie is trying to be brave against Stef but when Stef goes to grab Callie's face the girl flitches. Stef sees this and changes to a finger, lifts Callie's chin and gets in close, they are forced to look into each other's eyes and Stef's are hard. "You and Jude are not going to be split up from us period, understand?" She says in a voice that brokers no debate. "You are Not fine…Fine is Not what I saw this morning...Fine is Not staying up half the night, staring into the dark night after night" Callie must not have known of Stef's vigil because a look of panic crosses her face. Stef ignores it and continues, even though I know it has to be breaking my Sweet Wife's heart. "Fine is Not hiding away from everyone for hours because you don't want anyone to see you are hurting…Fine is Not hitting something with your fist so hard that it bruises…Fine is NOT cutting yourself to take the pain away." She finishes with tears in her eyes.

They just stare at one and other for a good two minutes having a conversation with their eyes. I feel Callie start to shake and break down, I see Stef eyes go soft. "But you will be. We just got to get you there, the first part of the solution is trusting us enough to talk and not hide Sweets" this must have worked on some level with the girl, because I don't know who went into the others arms faster.

"I tried Stef I really did I just wanted the pain to stop, I didn't want to think about the bad thoughts, it just wouldn't stop…I tried' She cried out.

Stef and I make eye contact as I came around to sandwich the girl between us in a hug, Maybe we were over some of her protective walls. The three of us sat there and rocked each other until Callie quit crying and settled down. When we untangled ourselves, I could see both girls are exhausted and it was time for them to lie down. I would try to get the calls in while they slept.

"Baby, let's go lie down. We will talk some more after our nap. Sweets, Me or Momma is going to be with you all the time until the spinning slows down in that head of yours" Stef says as she lifts the girl up to carry her up to our room. Callie just hides down into Stef, rubbing her nose with her forefinger trying to sooth herself as she let herself be carried up the stairs. There is no way normal Callie would let this happen. Me and Stef both share a worried look at this, she must be hurting, both mental and physically to not offer any resistance. When Stef places her in our bed she is already half asleep, she barely keeps her eyes open long enough to curl into Stef as she gets settled. I tuck both my girls in with a kiss to the forehead and a I love you to my drifting off wife, before I shut the door to go make my phone calls.

I got the easy call out-of-the-way first, Callie as an appointment tomorrow afternoon with Karen one of our friends who was a DO in the same practice as B went to. I explained the situation to her, Karen was very understanding and agreed for the need to be gentle with the girl. They had met each other now several times outside of this appointment; I am hoping it would make Callie comfortable. But I am not betting on it going smoothly after what I saw this morning; we are going to need all the help we can.

I need some tea and a few deep breaths before I make the next calls. The thoughts running through my head about this morning and the situation that poor baby has went through for her to be able to do that to herself makes me want to cry. What about Jude? What has been done to him? I am sure Callie protected him the best she could, that is clear in how sweet of a kid he is but how much as he seen? I just hope to be strong enough for them.

With my tea water on the stove to warm, I make the lesser of the two hard calls. I call Dr. Kodema office and leave a message for her to return my call that Callie had had a very rough morning and that we need to talk today.

I went up and peaked in on the sleeping girls, both of them must have been drained because neither had moved from the place I had tucked them into. By the time I come back down to make my tea Dr. Kodema was calling.

I explained starting with Callie's up all hours of the morning vigil, the breakdown this morning, the scars, the brand, the cutting, the spinning thoughts, thru her allowing Stef to carry her upstairs a few minutes ago. Dr. Kodema agreed with what we had done so far and supported our plan of safe, secure and to try to get her to talk.

She wanted to see Callie today and offered to see her here, late this afternoon. In Callie's comfort zone to make the girl more at ease. She brought up the point that Callie at the very lease needed some anti-anxiety meds for her to calm down enough to sleep and be able to talk. Not to mention how hard her Dr. Appointment with Karen tomorrow, would be even if she was on the meds. She agreed she would have it delivered to her office and would bring it with her so that Callie could take it at the being, of her visit then while we talked Callie would be there but would not be pushed during this visit. We both agreed we doubted Callie would take part. But it would be another adult reassuring Callie and shoring up her fragile psyche. It would help Dr. Kodema make a better assessment of Callie's needs and what her recommendation to us when we met to discuss a plan to move forward. Callie had always been so closed off in group and wasn't much better in her one on ones therapy appointments. I over came my hesitation after we discussed it and set the appointment for 4p which was before the twins got home from their extra activities. I texted Mike who was picking up B to see if he could also get and keep Jude with them for a little extra time to make sure Callie was really ok after the visit before the Little Man came home in. Within five minutes Mike had come back with an affirmative and a smiley face to the plan.

With those done I took a deep breath and called Bill. He answered on his cell with

"Whatever she did she is sorry" if I hadn't had such a rough morning with the child. I would have probably laughed at his comment it was so Callie but I was on edge and before I thought about it said

"No Bill it's that system that should be sorry, do you even know the half of what those poor babies have been forced to go thru?" I don't even wait for him to answer. "That girl is so broken right now and it's this sorry excuse for a systems fault, did they even vet these people before they was given these kids? My God Bill she has been beaten and got the scars until there isn't a place on her back that's not been hit, she been branded, there is to many scars and burnt marks on her to count and that's just what I can see on the outside. I am afraid of what she is going to tell us about what she has kept on the inside and how she got those scars and the marks She is in so much pain that she has to cut herself to try to make it stop. How in the hell does a 15-year-old kid think it's better to cut than to feel? How much pain does she have to be in to feel like that? That is just Fucked up and that sorry system is to blame…those poor babies Bill …"

During my rant, Bill knew better to interrupt and all he said when he was sure I was done was " Deep Breath…What can I do to help?"

"Draw up adoption papers, we want both of them to become part of our family" I said in my Vice Principle voice.

"Now Lena, are you and Stef sure? They especially Callie can be a hand full" Bill tried to finish his thought but I cut him off with "Really Bill? That handful of a girl is so afraid that her and that sweet brother of hers will be split up that she was willing to face off with Stef so she doesn't break her promise to him. AND Bill while I am upset just so we are on the same page I would like to see this adoption paperwork go smoothly. I and am sure you and your boss would agree. You owe to these kids; we wouldn't want their story to make the paper"


	10. Hide

A/N

The Legal stuff first I don't own The Fosters or its characters.

Thank you for reading and reviewing…HINT, HINT, HINT Reviews make me happy

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics, so please read with care.

Stef

I wake up to a kick to the shin Callie is wiggling against me; she was having a bad dream. I don't feel like it is bad enough to wake her, she has been through so much today and needs her rest "Shhhhh your ok, I got you" I tell her as I bring her into a tighter embrace. She curled her finger to the side of her nose and drifts back off to sleep.

When I say this I smile and remember the night about a month after they had come to live with us. By accident I happened to be making my rounds to say good night to the kids and was walking outside Jude and Jesus bedroom door when I had overheard her tucking Jude into bed. Callie had sounded way older than 15 when she was talking to the boy thru his fears of not staying with her "Shhhhh, I got you my little JJBear, I'm not going anywhere." She had said it in such sweet Motherly tone I couldn't believe it was her. I had looked in and she was all cuddled up with him both of them had looked so peaceful and content as they drifted off to sleep.

I had suspected for some time that she wasn't the tough girl that she showed to the world and this reaffirmed it, I started trying to be more than just another adult with her. I think that's was the beginning of letting her into my heart, even if she wasn't ready for my love.

She had made it perfectly clear that she was able to take care of her and Jude. She was very discipline in the way she lived day-to-day. She was first one down to breakfast, her and Jude's bed having already been made and their share of their rooms tidy. She attended her classes and Group; her homework was done without asking. We didn't have to tell her it was time to be anywhere, she just got in the car with Jude in tow.

I had just kept trying to breakdown her walls. She was always reserved in showing what she was thinking. When Lena had put on the coffee limit on her, she had just taken it in stride. When it was decided she needed one on one therapy, she had just went without complaint. Only time we had ever seen anything close to emotion out of her, was when it came to Jude.

I can't help but to think if we had only known what had really been going inside her head that maybe we could have saved her from it getting this bad. I very serious doubt she is going to be compliant with the requests we are going to make of her to get her well.

Lena peaks into our bedroom to check in, with a cup of coffee in her hands. I give her a questionable look on the calls status. She nodded that yes she had taken care of things but I can tell from her expression there is more there but she doesn't want to talk about it yet. I maneuver enough in the bed, that I am able sit up enough to take the coffee from her. She slides in next to me holding Callie. I place my head on her chest and can hear her heart beat as I sip my coffee. We lay like this enjoying each other for several minutes It felt good to be this close to her, just her arms around me helps.

"How is she doing?" she whispers in my ear. In a hushed voice I reply "She just started to get restless about 15 minutes ago, a bad dream but I was able to sshhh her back to sleep without her waking. How did your calls go?"

"I got her a appointment with Karen at 2 tomorrow; Bill is going to tell the treatment team of the situation. Also he is going to start the paperwork for their adoptions." I nod in response.

I feel her take a deep breath. "Dr. Kodema wants to make a home visit at 4p today. Yes, I know I said tomorrow but she needs to check in with Callie to make sure she is not suicidal and we both thought it would be easiest and best for Callie to do it here. She agreed she will not be pushed Callie tonight. It is just reassure Callie that she is safe."

She takes another deep breath and continues "She brought up the point that Callie needs anti-anxiety meds to help her and would like to start her on them tonight. I think she needs them to get her through at least this episode. She has the Dr. Appointment with Karen tomorrow and Stef we both know that is not going to pretty. It's only temporary and we can look at other options after we get her more stable"

I understand now why she had to work her way up to telling me this. It had taken us months of debating between ourselves before we had allowed Jesus to go on his ADHD meds and we still had reservation when we had.

"Unfortunately I don't think we have a choice Love" I reply after I think over what she has said "But I don't want her on them a minute longer than she needs to be. Yes?" She nods her head in agreement.

"She is so fragile right now" My sweet wife says with tears in her eyes "We need to do what we have to, we can't lose her." I reach up and wipe the tears with my thumb from her checks letting my hand cup my chin and looking into her eyes I say with a confident voice." We will not let that happen, Love"

After a few minutes Lena asks "Babe it's almost 2 do you want to go search in Callie's room and her stuff? I am sure she has stuff hidden. Even with her going to be with us I am very uncomfortable with it not being done. We don't want to embarrass her; it needs to be done before she wakes up."

"Yes, I am sure she does to, she seems to be a master at hiding things" I say as get out of her arms, laying Callie down on Lena where I just had vacated the space. I can't help but smile at how peaceful the girl looks in my woman's arms; it was like she was always meant to be there.

It didn't take me long to search through Callie's and Marianna's room. I found nothing in the closet, I don't think she had anything the belonged to her in it but I checked anyway. When I go to flip the bed I find that there are no sheets on the bed. Callie had made the bed with just her comforter and blanket; I need to find her sheets after I get finished here. Most of Callie laundry is folded neatly in a container under her bed, I found a couple of razor blades hidden in her socks.

Also under the bed is Callie blue duffel bag that she had when she had come to us. I wasn't surprise to find most of Callie belongings in it. The girl had even an extra change of clothes in there for Jude; she really did take care of the boy. A packed "go bag" for them I am sure. I don't know whither to smile at the discipline or cry at the place she had been forced into.

When I search the bag I find a worn picture, if I had to guess it had to be the day they let Callie hold Jude. About a 3-year-old Callie is seated in who I am guessing is her Mother's lap with a smile only a new big sibling can have. She is holding a tiny baby, swaddled up in a blue blanket; with the initials JJ embroider on it next to a teddy bear. She looks so happy in the picture. I can't help but let the tears come this time, the JJBear nickname made sense. It was probably one of the few things Callie can remember from her life before her mom died and she was happy.

When I can continue I carefully place the picture carefully back into its hidden spot on the side pocket. I find a pocket knife, a shaving razor, and a purple cloth bag with an Exacto knife with an extra set of four blades and several pieces of metal within it. I got the feeling that the pocket knife and razor was more of a necessity for if they had to use the" go bag". The Exacto knife kit on the other hand is wrapped up like it was special to Callie, I think it's her cutting kit.

I make way down stairs and take care of putting the stash I had found in Callie's stuff into my big safe in the closet of the study. I figure we wouldn't need it so there really was no reason to put it in the little one in my room and really didn't want to go into our room.

I find Callie's sheets in the dryer; I grab another cup of coffee and head out to the deck for some sun and calm. I wonder if the sheets are why she had came in this morning? Was it to switch them out to the dryer and she had not been able to make it back outside.

Which reminds me for the need to go check her spot by the tree, I find nothing in her spot but as I am turning from the tree to go back up the steps to go inside when I spot a lid of a bottle hidden in the landscaping wall. Turns out it's a pint of Vodka which has not been open. Is this what Callie was doing when she sits out here in the mornings? I have never smelled alcohol on her but she always has a tooth paste smell when she comes to breakfast from her shower and it's not like she ever got close enough for a real hug.

Dam it the kid was trying so hard to dull the pain. Self-Medicating? When did she get this? Was it yesterday when she didn't make it to class? I know she hasn't had it long because I was out here gardening in this bed two days ago and it wasn't there.

Lena

After Stef left, I started to think about the phone call with Bill, I couldn't believe I had lost it like that. It really wasn't Bill's fault he was just part of the system. From dealing with him first with the Twins and now with the Jacobs siblings, I had always found him to be competent and trying to do what he could for the kids in his care. I am hoping this holds true with this situation with Callie and for the adoption of her and Jude. I love these kids so much, they complete this family.

I am brought out of my thoughts by Callie moving against me, I can tell she is having another nightmare. Suddenly her eyes fly open and she has that wild distant look in them again. She pushes against me, trying to get out of my arms. I hold on tighter to her and start talking in a soothing voice "Shhh easy Baby, your safe" I try to tell her but I can tell she isn't listening to me, I don't think she is fully awake yet.

"Run, Hide. I can't let them get me, they will hurt me" she says in a scared voice and wild eyes as she keeps trying to wiggle out of my embrace.

"Ok Baby, we will hide" I say to her as I scoot us down in the bed, bringing the sheet up over us. It takes a minute but it seems to calm her, so I just lay there, hugging her. Her eyes are open and she is breathing very uneven but she isn't trying to get away.

After a few minutes she pulls herself out of wherever she was in the dream and says "Sorry" in a quiet voice. She never raised her eyes up to meet mine, but they seem more clear, less unfocused and her cheeks red in embarrassment. I take this as a good sign, she wasn't registering embarrassment before even when she was half-naked in front of Stef and I, the nap has seemed to done her well.

I bring her chin up and place a kiss on her forehead. "It's ok Baby; do you want to talk about it?" I ask. I can tell she is trying to get her thoughts together, but can't find the words. "Just talk to me, it don't have to make sense" I say to try to help the girl.

"I don't know…I am smmmothering and need to run…then I wake up" Callie whispers to me.

"Ok, that's a great start Hun. You are safe now" I praise the girl and hug her tighter to me

"Hey where are my girls? I know I left them in here somewhere" I hear Stef playfully call out from the end of the bed. This brings a smile to both Callie and I, as I throw down the sheet to answer her with "Here we are"

Stef gets on the other side of us, to cuddle. Our eyes meet over Callie's head, after she studies the girl for a moment. Stef can see it also, that the nap had helped. The girl was in a better place then she was before.

"Have a good nap Sweets?" She asks the girl. She gets a nod from the Callie. "How are the spinning thoughts in your head?" was Stef's next question. It takes a few moments of silence for the girl to get her thoughts together and a squeeze from me "Better" she quietly mumbles. Which makes Stef break out into a full grin "Great job Sweets, you used your words" as she goes in for a kiss to the girls forehead. Callie cheeks turn red in embarrassment, she keeps her eyes down toward the bed but it is smirking at the praise.

Callie

"Are we ready to get up and go downstairs? I bet someone is hungry." I hear Lena ask. I nod my head at the get up and going downstairs part but shrug to the hungry part of her question. I feel like stuff is still haze. As I start to get up out from between them I am reminded that I had cuts in several parts of my body and they stung. I blink away the tears and bite the inside of my lip which is also sore and cut. But at least the Monster don't seem to be spinning the bad thoughts in my head like it was before I think as I head out to go to the bathroom.

"Callie, we need you to use our bathroom and stay with one of us all the time" Stef says as she stands up blocking the doorway out of their room. I look up at her with the "why" face. "Because remember Momma or Me need to be your shadow" I give her another "why" face "Because we need to be close if the Bad thoughts come back and start spinning" I just look at her and cross my arms only to remember the Dam cuts on my boobs, Owwee, deep breath… I will not let them see that it hurt. What do they think I am crazy? That I need a baby sitter? I can't take care of things if they are watching. Before I can finish my thought process, I feel Lena come up and place an arm around me and guide me toward their bathroom. No way am I going to pee in front of either them, it's bad enough I was so weak and cut again and they saw the damage that I am.

"Well if you're not going to use the restroom, we will change the dressing on your leg" Lena tells me as she moves me around for Stef to be able to lift the bottoms of my shorts. I don't want to do this but I am frozen on the outside and can do nothing but stand there and shake with my eyes close…Hide, Hide, Hide

A/N I know you want the therapy home visit chapter but it needs work before I publish. I tried to take it lighter on the drama in this chapter because I have two heavy ones coming...Therapy home visit and the Dr. Appt.


	11. Just relax, Breath

A/N

The Legal stuff first I don't own The Fosters or its characters.

Thank you for reading and reviewing…They have made me very happy.

I hope this Chapter lives up to expectations. This was the hardest to write chapter yet. In terms of trying to get what was in my head and translating it to where it made sense on paper. I have spun on this for 3 days. If doesn't let me know I will take any suggestions under advisement.

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics, so please read with care.

Just relax, breath

Callie

Please don't let me puke is all I can think of as I slow became more aware of what is going on around me. I can't get my breathing from being uneven because I am crying. I feel that I am on top Lena's lap on their bathroom floor ; she is rocking me and pushing my hair back. "Take it easy…your ok, we are all done…It's ok, breath, it's ok" she keeps telling me as I am trying to get calmed down.

I can't believe I just did that, I am so embarrassed I want to find a hole to climb into. Why can't I get it together? _Just keep it up crazy and they are going to send you to Crazyland, no one will ever want you. No One has before what makes you think they are any different? _The Monster spins_._ I need to ignore it I think as I wipe my eyes with the back of my sleeves, as I start to get up.

Stef stops me by shoulders and looks into my eyes. I try to keep them up and defiant but I just want to hide, she sees too much. As soon as that cross my mind she says "It's ok, no more hiding from us, same team, remember" I can only nod and bite my bottom lip, Owwe I really need to quit biting it in the same place. When she gives me the "words" look I mumble a "yes"

My legs still feel a little like Jello, but at least I don't think I am going to puke. Lena comes around me giving my arm a squeeze, as she walks to the sink she said "Ok? Mom is going to go make us grilled cheese and I am going to get my face on." She gives Stef a look; I don't think Stef wants to leave but she says "Yell if you need me" as she gives my forehead a peck and leaves.

With Lena occupied at the sink, busy washing her face. The pressure on bladder is too much; I put my hoodie hood up I sneak a glance at Lena, who is busy getting her earrings on to pay any attention to what I am doing, which is a great relief to me.

When finished I walk over to the sink to wash my hands, Lena scoots over to make room for me. She hands me my toothbrush and we brush our teeth together. As I am rinsing my mouth out, she reaches over and pulls down my hood. She sprays the good smelling detangle stuff into my hair and starts to comb out my curls. I didn't realize that I had lost myself into her gentle touch until I felt eyes on me. When I looked into the mirror, I see Lena smiling at me, "All done" she tells me. I can't help but to smile back at her.

Lena grabs my hand and leads me out, and down the stairs. I don't know how I feel about her in my space. On one hand it bothers me, I don't know why just does, almost like a smothering feeling comes over me and I have to squash it. I don't want to hurt Lena's feelings by taking my hand back. On the other hand her hand she is Coco and makes me feel like it is going to be ok.

I just keep telling myself to hold on just make it to the table and she will have to let go of my hand. It surprises me when we go to sit down that she not only keeps a hold of my hand but she moves the stool over so when we do sit down we will touch at several different points on our bodies. I start shaking my head that I can't do it but she just guides me on to the stool as she sets down on the one next to mine.

I feel myself start to shake and feel the tears come into my eyes. When I start to pull back from her she brings my hand closer into her body and whispers into my ear "Just relax, breath" as Stef puts grill cheeses for all of us on the table.

After I took the first bite of my sandwich, I realized I really was hungry. When I thought about it I couldn't really recall for sure when I had eaten. The Moms talk around me; I eat not only the first sandwich but am half way thru the second one when Stef reminds me to drink my water and to take the meds she has laid next to my glass.

When I am finished with my sandwich, I look up and catch Stef looking at her watch. When she realizes I am looking at her she says "Finished?" when I nodded and say "yes, thanks" she grins at me as she gets up and takes my hand to help me off the stool. I think she knows it bothers me to be holding her hand so she lets go when I stand up but gets into my side and walks with me to the living room.

When I try to go sit in the comfy chair, she will not let me and forces me to sit next to her on the couch. She puts me into a loose side hug bringing me close into her body, it made me feel safe so I quit wiggling. "I love you Sweets" she whispers with a peck to my forehead as Lena comes in and takes the seat next to me, we settle in to a nice silence.

But the peace is short-lived when Stef says "Dr.K is stopping by" I give her the "why" look trying to keep the panic out of my eyes. _See all aboard the Crazyville train...told ya they have called in the Conductor. _The Monster spins.

Lena squeezing my hand brings me back to what Stef is saying"…Wants to talk to you, no worries Sweets we will be right there with you" I don't say anything; I just look at the table and try to ignore the bad thoughts The Monster is spinning.

The next thing I know is Stef is trying to take my chin but I flinch when._ You deserve to be hit. _The Monster spins. I didn't realize I was crying until Stef rub my tears off my cheek with her thumb.

"Eyes please"... She bends her head down and grabbing my eye site, when I don't have the strength to raise them. "Baby, we love you. You are not in trouble. We know that this is scary, but she just wants to check in. She is coming to talk to Momma and Me to, she just wants to make sure we are all ok and are dealing with the scary stuff the right way. She is going to help us to get the bad thoughts to slow down in your head. Ok Sweets?" Stef says this as she takes my wrist, forcing my hand away from my thigh. Taking it into hers and interweaving our fingers.

_Yeah a few minutes with you and the good old Doc is going to know you are too crazy to be around Jude. You can't even keep one promise... WORTHLESS _The Monster spins.

Lena brings me out of my thoughts when she whispers into my ear as she places her chin on my shoulder. "We will be together right here with you" She runs her hand down over top of my arm and bring both of our arms across my stomach forcing me closer to Stef. I look into Stef's eyes and feel Lena around me and before I know it I give them a shrug.

"We think that until we can get the thoughts to slow down in your head, that we need you to take the meds that Dr K is recommending" Lena says to me

"Meds...I am not CRAZY!" I say as I try to get up from and away from them but they will not let me. _See told you…crazy chick you are…they can see thru you and see the real Callie…crazy…you should listen and cut deeper. _The Monster is singing.

I knew I shouldn't have told them about The Monster._ When are you ever going to learn? You are never supposed to talk about what is spinning inside of you. They will use it against you_ The Monster spins.

"Whoa CallieGirl calm down. No one said anything about you being crazy or was even thinking it. Taking the meds has nothing to do with being crazy." Lena tries to reason with me but I am not listing.

"Short trip first meds than hospital, I know the game don't lie to me." I yell, still trying to away from them "You know the minute I take those meds the Assholes are going to take me away from Jude and put me in the Crazy Hospital…I don't care what you say, NO I can't leave Jude"

Stef gets her strong arms all the way around me forcing me back into her; no matter how hard I try I get out of the hold she has me in…RUN HIDE is all I can think

"No Baby, that's not how it is going to go, no one is going to split you guys up" Lena grabs my chin forcing me to look at her eyes. "I need you to focus on me…would we take you to the Dr if you if you need to go?" I give her a slight nod, where is she going with this? "And if the Dr. said you need meds would you take those meds to make you feel better?" I give her a slight nod.

_You are so stupid; you can't even see the simplest traps _The Monster spins.

"Is Dr. K a Doctor?" Lena asks Dam it! I know where she is going with this now and I am stuck. "She says you need these meds so that you DO NOT end up in the hospital…We need to get you better so that the bad thoughts slow down and aren't confusing and scary" Lena finishes

"It's ok Sweets use your words" Stef says trying to encourage me.

"III don't know… I just want The Monster to quit spinning and and… I can't break my promise to Jude." I try to make them understand me but its hard, everything is so jumbled.

"The meds will help with that Baby." Stef says to me "And we aren't going let you break your promise to Jude."

"Baby, do you remember our promise we made with you?" Lena asks after a few minutes I nod "We will always be honest with you, we are telling you the truth Hun. It works both ways…Same team." I don't like what she is saying at all but I don't know what choice I have.

When the doorbell rings I can't help but jump. _The Conductor is heeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreee, next stop Crazyville _The Monster spins.

I want to run but Stef will not let me go. So I try to hide into her "Relax...Breath" she whispers in my ear. "I am here…we aren't going to let nothing bad happen."

As Lena leads Dr. K into the living room offering her the comfy chair across from where Stef and I are sitting "Relax...Breath" Stef whispers in my ear. I need to get thru this or they are going to split me and Jude up. _"No worries Jude can stay here, he is worthy of their love" _The Monster spins.

Lena hands me a couple of pink pills, a cup of juice with a pleading look. "Please Baby." I can't fight against them so I take the pills. "Thank you" she says as she takes my juice cup from me. I go back into Stef.

"Hi Callie, looks like you have the best seat." Dr. K says with a smile to me as she sits down. The adults start talking its sounds like blah to me no matter how hard I try to follow what they are saying I can't get the concepts that they are talking about.

Dr. K must be talking to me now "…The most important part, we need to keep you safe…I need to ask you do you ever think about killing yourself?" She asks as she tries to get my eye by moving in closer to me and Stef bending her head as she did. So I close my eyes tight and the tears start overflowing out of my eyes. I don't want to talk about that, I don't want anyone to know about that ever.

_See told ya they know, to chicken to carry it through is all. _The monster spins

When I don't answer she continues "It is ok if you have, I just need the truth." Stef squeezes me tighter and I start to cry and nod my head. "Thank you, do you have a plan?" was the doctor's next question. NO! I shake my head harder and whine out "Ccccan't leave Jude, I'm all he has" As I break down Stef pulls me tighter, rocking me and passing her hand through my hair. Lena is trying to talk to me but I am not listening. I just want to hide.

"Shhh Baby its ok" I hear Lena tell me as she is rubbing circles, around and around my back. It felt so good laying there, I think I am going to hide right here.

I feel Stef rub her hands up and down my arms which makes me realize Dr. K has been talking to me and is expecting an answer to something she has asked. She must have known I didn't know what the question was because she smiled and said "You doing ok?" I nod in response

"I hear from your Moms that you have had a rough time lately." I give her a shrug but stay in tight to Stef's neck. I try to pay attention to what she is saying

"Well it ok to have rough days, it happens. The important part is how we handle them." I give her a shrug. "We need to be careful how we handle them; we don't want you to get hurt. We need to work together on getting you some safe ways to handle all the scary thoughts you are trying to deal with. Does this make sense?" Dr K asks…I give her a nod. I think Stef can feel me getting antsy because she begins to rock me.

"I'm not crazy" I mumble out.

Dr K smiles and says " OO no Callie I know you are not crazy, you are just trying to deal with a lot of confusing scary stuff and you don't have health ways of figuring them out. So we are going to help you figure them out." I steal a glance at her to see if she is telling the truth, I think she is so I take a deep breath.

"I bet that sometimes things get so confusing and overwhelming that you want it to quit being so jumbled?" I nod my head agreeing with her. "Well part of getting them un-jumbled is for you to take the medication I gave you're Moms, everyday. Part of it is going to be talking to your Moms and letting them know when things are getting too much. And Part of it is going to be you working with me to get you the skills you need. Do you think you can do this?" She asks. I give her a nod.

They talk around me. I don't want to talk any more. I just want to lay here against Stef I'm safe here.

A/N: For those who were worried about Callie never peeing again, I wrote that scene just for you. I just had to find a way to give Callie her space but the Moms need to keep her safe…Typical balance when you're dealing with an independent 7-year-old


	12. Learning Lessons

A/N

The Legal stuff first I don't own The Fosters or its characters.

Thank you for reading and reviewing

This has turned into a heavy story that has sensitive topics.

**Child Abuse is described in this chapter please read with care.**

Learning Lessons

Lena

"Thank you for coming here, I know it's not normal" I tell Dr. Kodema as I walk her out, we began to discuss her thoughts on Callie.

She says with a smile "No Thanks, necessary I go where my patients are. You have one tough hurt little girl in there. The good news is she seems to feel safe and attached to the family especially her brother. I'm concerned that she will accidentally cut too deep, if the emotions get too much, I am hoping the meds will help her control the emotional turmoil"

I nod my understanding.

She continues "Keeping her safe, from herself and her thoughts is going to get harder as she comes out of this episode and before she has enough coping skills. I need to stress the importance of keeping a very close eye on her. She needs to feel secure enough that she will let herself talk to you Stef or both." I nod my understanding.

"Bill called and would like a copy of my preliminary assessment report."

When I start to voice a concern on this she puts up a finger stopping me and continues

"No concerns, I know the game. It will have what I have told you today. When we have a better grasp on the situation, you, Stef and I will sit down and come up with a more solid plan that we can take in front of Callie's treatment team. I just want to be very cautions until we know more."

I nod in agreement.

"Keep doing what you are doing, I like the plan that you have in place. I would like to see her Friday; I understand she has a doctor appointment with Dr. Smith tomorrow afternoon?"

"Yes, Karen is a friend of ours; Callie has met her, a couple of times. I thought it she would be the best one to try to get Callie through an medical exam. With Callie history of defiant behavior toward male authority figures, which I wonder could be explained or at least partial by her being branded and where it is located at. I knew she would never be comfortable with a male doctor doing any kind of exam of her"

"Good thinking, I can't stress enough, the importance of Callie feeling supported during this appointment. It is going to bring up a lot of emotions. Callie is not going to know how to deal with. She will need to be watched very carefully; if you need me please call." She tells me then she continues "I have reached out to Dr. Smith to work with her we might have to adjust Callie's meds depending on how well they work, meds are not a cure-all we just need to get her emotions more in control and not so extreme."

I nod my agreement.

As we make our way to her car she hands me her card "My home and cell numbers are on the back please call me anytime, this is not going to be easy for any of you including you and Stef. I am always available even if it is nothing more than to listen…Please don't hesitate. If I don't receive a call from you or Stef,I will call to check in with you late tomorrow afternoon on how well her day went including the Dr. appointment. We can then set the time for her appointment for Fri." She explains as she gets into her car.

I watch her drive away and release a breath I hadn't realize I was holding. Before I can contemplate the afternoon or what the Doctor has told me. Mike pulls up with B and Jude, before the car is fully stop Jude has jumped out the car running and is running toward the door. I don't have time stop him from throwing the door open.

By the time I reach the entry way he is coming back down the stairs with a frighten concerned face

"Where is Callie? You promised you all would take care of her!" he says with panic in his voice and tears threaten to fall.

"Shh Buddy she is sleeping right here with Mom, she is fine" I tell him as I bring him into a side hug and guide him into the entry way of the living room. I feel the all the tension going out of him once he spotted Callie still asleep on the couch with Stef.

These two kids were so devoted to each other; it was almost like they didn't know how to make a decision without thinking of the other one first. I always knew this about Callie, but with her being like she was it was showing in Jude. Stef and I make eye contact and agree we were going to have to keep reminding both of them that we was here to help the other when the other one couldn't.

"Got any homework?" I asked the boy.

"No, Mike helped me while we waited on B" came his reply.

"Ok, than you can help me in the garden, then with supper" I tell him as I turn him around and push him towards the garden leaving him no choice but to walk with me out to the garden.

After a few minutes working in garden, the boy quietly asks "Is she ok?"

I nod my head "Well Buddy she's okay, just not well. We need to keep a very close eye on her and help out she is going through a very rough spot."

"I know it's bad because she is sucking her thumb and she hasn't done that since…"

When he doesn't finish his sentence I look up and he has a look on his face like he just told something he shouldn't have.

"Since when Buddy, it's ok you can tell me" I encouraged trying to get the boy to talk to me. When he does not continue I take him by the hand and walk to the grass. I make my legs criss-cross sitting down bringing him down into my lap and bring him into a loose hug, I don't know if he is a runner like Callie. But I know he is a lot like Callie in being very astute to non-verbal communication so I move him to the side a little so that he can glance at my eyes when he needs to. I remind myself to stay calm and my body relaxed.

"Hey Buddy, you know you can tell me right?" I say in a soothing voice.

"I can't" come the boy's weak response. After a few minutes he continues "I am not supposed to talk about it, Callie says that we never talk about the foster homes"

"Why is that?" I prod

"Because" he says with a deep sigh;

I can tell the boy is deeply troubled by not being able to elaborate on the explanation. I can tell Callie has trained him well in the vague one word answers to adults to scope out the landmines that could be hidden.

"You know that now we are all on the same team, it's not just you and Callie anymore" I remind him as I hug him tighter. "And part of being on that team is that we trust each other and we talk about what is on our minds including the scary stuff from the past"

The boy thinks it over a few minutes and then says "So does that mean I can talk to you and Stef?

"Yup, about anything you want to or feel you need to no limits" I tell him

He thinks on this a few minutes before speaking. "Because the last time I talked about what a foster dad did, we were split up. I had to go to an emergency placement home because Callie was in the hospital. It took weeks before we could be back together, I don't want to talk if it's going to break the PROMISE."

I nod my head "You can talk about anything you want to, anytime with Stef or myself, neither you nor Callie need to worry about being split up, you both are staying here with us. We know you and Callie are a package Hun and we wouldn't want it any other way. We are now One Team Baby"

In a very quiet voice he begins to speak "Callie hasn't sucked her thumb since foster dad number two caught her. She didn't mean to disobey, we were sick. She had been up with me most the night even when she was puking herself. He had told she was too old, he said she would learn to not listen to him."

When the boy takes in a deep ragged breath I know I am not going to like what I hear.

"He was so angry! He thought she was being disrespectful, I think he had been drinking again. He grabbed her by her arm and drug her down to the cellar. He slammed and locked the door so I couldn't get to her, I could bang and kick the door but I couldn't get in." Jude has a couple of tears rolling down his cheeks. His eyes are full of them threatening to fall at any moment.

He scoots over into my lap more, placing his cheek to my shoulder and whispers. "She kept screaming and screaming, when he finally opened the door I went to check on her. She had a busted lip and an almost black eye. She was screaming and crying so hard, but the worst part was she couldn't get to the zip tie to break it. He had tied her to the clamp thingy. Her hand was squeezed in the clamp with her thumb sticking up but it was crooked, bruised and bloody. It hurt her every time we tried to turn the lever. We were finally able to get turned enough to get to the tie and to cut it off. She just fell down clutching her hurt hand; she wouldn't let me get near it. When she got up she left the house" Jude took a moment before going on.

"She hid for in the woods behind the house. I tried to find her every chance I got. I brought her water and food and left it by the tree. The third day she was at the tree, I couldn't wake her. I was so scared I didn't know what to do; I ran to the corner store and begged the clerk to let me use the phone. I called Bob who was our Social Worker the one before Bill for him to come get us. He really didn't want to come he was mad that he would have to find us a new home." He sighed "That's when we got split up, even after Callie was out of the hospital. Because I had told what had happened that night. Bob knew it wasn't the first time something had happen to Callie in that house. He got fired and no one wanted to take our files, until Bill was forced to. When we got back together we promised we would never talk about what happens in a house. We don't want to be split up again ever"

I just sat there rocking and letting him cry, it broke my heart how someone could be so cruel to a child. I believe that is the most I've heard the boy talk; he is usually very shy and timid and quiet. It crosses my mind that this must be how they have survived through the years. Callie carried them most of the time but Jude stepped up when they needed him to.

When the boy had calmed down a little I know it's my turn to talk. "You were very brave in taking care of Callie and using your smarts to get both of you out and safe… Thank you for sharing I can promise you that nothing like that is EVER going to happen in this house to anyone."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to cry" he mumbles

"Jude you can cry anytime, I don't mind at all…you heard what I just told you correct?" I ask the boy, who gives me a nod.

I let us sit there until he is under control again and ask "Dinner?' to which I get a nod from him.

Stef

I wake up to the door opening and the Twins bounding in arguing over something, I am real sure I don't want to know what it is about. "Knock it off, both of you" I say in a firm hushed voice.

The looks on the Twins faces as they turn and stood in the living room entry way was one of shock and curiosity. They have never seen Callie this close space wise to anyone much less snuggled up looking hung over or very sick laying against me on the couch.

I give them the move on now we will talk later look, they both quickly and quietly go up the stairs to their rooms. Speaking of being hung over I need to mention to Lena about the Vodka I found, we do have 3 other teens in the house that it could belong to.

When I look down I can tell Callie is starting to wake up, she's in dozing state. She's s lying very still against me, except her left hand is again rubbing her nose and every now and again she would half-heartily try to move her right hand away from mine so that she could ball it up again to squeeze her nails into her palm, now that I know what she wants I will not let go of it.

She looks very pale but that doesn't surprise me after all that she has struggled with especially today. What did worry me is that she didn't even acknowledge that the twins had passed thru. The Callie of the past three months would not have let anyone see her in this state, especially her siblings.

Another thing to mention when Lena and I meet with Dr. Kodema, to get her thoughts on what Callie is going through and how we need to handle this. I am curious about what the Doctor said to Lena when they walked outside after the visit. I was surprised that Callie admitted as much as she did during the visit but I am hopeful that it will help her in the long run.

I look up and see Jude is the doorway, swaying with anticipation. I nod my head giving him permission to come on in and to get closer. The minute he comes into Callie's view she pulls from me and I let her sit up. Before she is fully up Jude has jumped into her arms and they are holding each other tight.

"Are you ok?" I hear Jude whisper into her ear.

"Yeah, just tired and a little fuzzy Buddy" Callie replies in the strongest voice I have a heard since she was fighting with Lena and I over the meds.

"I was so scared they would send you away today, while I was at school" the boy says "but they didn't…Lena says we are a package deal on their team now" he finishes with a huge smile on his face.

To which Callie holds on to Jude tighter and says "We will always be a package deal, JJBear"

A/N Thank you Lacorra for the edit :)


	13. Getting Thru Today

A/N

The Legal stuff first I don't own The Fosters or its characters.

Thank you for reading and reviewing

This has turned into a heavy story that has sensitive topics.

Getting Thru Today

Stef and Lena had been able to connect for a few minutes while the Jacobs siblings huddled on the couch.

Lena had quickly told Stef not to bring attention to Callie's thumb-sucking, and that there was a lot more to it than just Callie being tired, but she didn't want to say too much this close to the siblings. Stef figured it was a small price to pay to keep Callie calm.

Stef then gave Lena a short version of her opinion on the Dr. K visit and Callie's reaction to it. They both had agreed it had gone as good as it could have given the circumstances and that it might do Callie some good to have dinner with the rest of the family.

Lena also mentioned to reassure Jude on talking to them and the One Team concept. To which Stef had told her the boy was very happy about. Stef had given her a heads up on the liquor and where she had found it. They both agreed to keep an eye out for anything amidst, with the other teens.

Dinner was a semi-normal in the Foster home, the Moms were happy to engage with the kids more than the normal because they wasn't rushed, both had called into work and took through Monday off. The kids had been very enthusiastic to talk about anything that didn't concern the worry they were feeling after Lena or Stef had lightly explain Callie was going thru a rough time and they was to tread lightly around her. Everyone tried not to bring attention to their new sister's demeanor.

Callie had only engaged with the table, when she is forced to and then with only shrugs. She was quite in her normal temperament but it this was another level of quietness. She hadn't even attempted to pick at her dinner. Stef had finally made a yogurt with fruit that had become one of Callie's staples. She placed it in front of Callie to eat, with a please look. Callie had taken two slow bites out of it, and then quit eating. Lena had set a calming hand on Stef's arm and thanked Callie for trying to eat.

Jude had kept an eye on Callie throughout the meal. Moving closer and closer to her until by end of the meal he was forcing Callie to join in the hug with him, it took her a few minutes to full engage in it but she finally did.

The Twins were on dishes and clean up detail, which they didn't even bother arguing with. Callie hadn't resisted when Lena guided her away from the table and out of the kitchen to take her up to the Master bed room.

Jude had looked at Lena questionably, when they started out of the room. Stef had jumped in and reminded Jude it was his week for to take out the trash. It surprised both Moms when Jude started to argue to go with Callie. Until Callie gave him a look with a slight nod, he immediately quit arguing, turned without another word to go take care of getting the trash bags picked up throughout the house.

The Moms shared a look, it was reassuring that Callie had engaged with Jude on an issue, which was more in line with the Callie they knew. She had been so disengaged and lifeless since Dr. K's visit they had been getting worried that it had been too much for her.

Stef

After I had finished supervising the chores and re-skimmed the Jacobs siblings DSS files. I went up, to say good night to the kids. B was already in bed listing to his headphones trying to memorize a new piano piece. Marianna had picked out her outfit to wear to school the next day, she had asked if Callie was going to stay in Lena and my room tonight. When I had said yes, Marianna had went over to the underside of the window and handed me a night-light with the warning to plug it in. I didn't even know where they got it. I gave her a kiss on her forehead and gentle reminder text rules were starting in 10min.

I had saved the boy's room for last; knowing it was going to be the hardest. When I came into the boy's room I had found Jude sitting on his bed pretending to be reading but I could tell he was apprehensive over Callie and not really reading.

I went over to his bed helped him get under the covers, than had laid down with him. Jude had looked over at Jesus who had his headphones playing on his laptop and couldn't hear what he wanted to discuss with me.

"Is she hurting herself again?" He had asked looking into my eyes trying to gauging level of honesty in my answers.

"Yes, we are getting her help for that though, it's just going to take a little while for her to get better, is all" I replied, trying to not flinch under the boys glaze. The look was uncanny, Callie had taught him well.

When the boy nodded his head he seemed to accept what I said. So I continued "We need to watch her and be here for her when she needs us to be…She is going to have some bad days and some not so bad days here for a little while but then she should get better until her bad days aren't so bad and they are fewer and farther between them" While I was saying this I had read his eyes, he understood way more than I would have liked for him to.

"Lena and I love both of you very much Kiddo, we aren't going to let anything bad happen to either of you." When I had finished Jude had nodded again and had snuggled closer into me, this gave me the opportunity to bring him in squeeze him with a big hug, which always made me smile.

We stayed like that until I was pretty sure the boy had faded off to sleep. However he proved me wrong as I was leaving the room.

"I Love you, Stef. Callie does too…she just has a hard time showing it sometimes." That one little statement had me blinking back the tears in my eyes,

I turn around and move over to his bed leaning down and getting close to his ear "I love you too, Little Man" I kiss his forehead and ruffle his hair. Before I straighten myself back up and turn to Jesus to remind him it was about bedtime, when I turn around to re-check on Jude, he is asleep. I couldn't help but smile hugely all the way down the hall to me bedroom. It was the first time one of the Jacobs siblings had told one of the Moms that they loved us unsolicited.

I make sure to shut and lock the door, I don't want to leave it to chance that either Callie would try to bolt or that one of the kids might come in while we having to deal with getting Callie cleaned up. I am unsure about how to do this without totally embarrassing her. I worry about not doing the right thing and making her worse. But I can't let her cuts get infected or we will have issues. I don't even want to think about what it would do to the girl if she had to be hospitalized over an infection. Nope we were going to have to just do it, even if it became a battle.

Callie is over on the seat bench by window just staring out. I make eye contact with Lena who is in the bed reading. She gives me the "everything is fine but I am still worried" look as I walk over to Callie.

I greet Callie with "Hey Sweets" as I try to get her gauge how she is really doing. When she glances up at me she has sad, timid eyes. I can see she is not only sad but her cuts and bruises are hurting her. I know she doesn't want to say anything to us about her cuts hurting. She is probably embarrassed; we know about them and defiantly don't want to talk about why she did it.

I run a bath and plug-in the nightlight but not turning it on yet. I grab one of the soft big sheet towels that Lena loves to use after she gets out of the bath. I also grab Callie's meds for tonight bringing all of this back into our bedroom.

"Callie here is your meds" as I hand her meds. I can tell she is still not sure she likes the idea of taking her Dr. K meds but she needs the pain meds. She slowly gives me a nod and takes the meds. with the water Lena has placed next to her on the bench.

When I am sure she has taken all of them. I reach over and help her up off the bench. Before leading her toward our bathroom

"Ok, how about we get you clean up? I am thinking a bath would be better than trying to take a shower" I try to say it smoothly but with a hint of she really didn't have a choice in the matter. "Do you want me or Lena or both of us to help you?"

"Neither" comes her slow reply as her bottom lip started to pout out and she blinked away tears.

I can see in her eyes she is trying real hard to keep herself in check, but barely is able to.

"That's not one of the choices Sweets, please…it doesn't have to be hard" I say trying to get the girl's eyes.

Lena saw this and moved in behind Callie. She brings her arms around her in a soft hug and placed her knees right behind the back of Callie's thighs as she got up out of the bed. She just started walking with Callie in front of her.

"No Bath" Callie is crying with a look of terror on her face as she is shaking her head and trying to pull away from Lena. I move around and get a better grasp on her, so that she doesn't bolt.

"What's wrong Callie girl?" Lena asks as she comes around to the front of her, trying to make eye contact, but she will not even glance up.

Callie just shakes her head, as huge tears fall down her face. She has quit trying to pull away from me but she is starting to shake worse and her breath is getting more uneven.

"Come on Sweets…Sloow down your breathing, in through your nose out through your mouth" I remind her as I try to calm her down

"Pleeeeeeasssssss no, I don't do baths" she is finally able to mumble out in a whisper between hitched breaths.

Lena and I make eye contact we are both sure by the way Callie said this there is more to it than her trying to be defiant and not do what we ask her to.

"Sweets we need to clean your cuts; we don't want them to get infected" I say to her

It surprises Lena and I when Callie nods and says "I knooow…just no baths pleasssee"

She is so afraid of a bath that she is willing going to let us clean her cuts. Something wasn't right with this.

Lena looks at me and I nod agreement as she says to Callie "Look at me Hun calm down..relax, we aren't going to make you take a bath, but we need to clean your cuts"

"Promise?...I don't do baths" Callie whispers

"Promise" Lena says and nods as she maintains eye contact with Callie.

When Lena goes to undo the zipper on my hoodie that Callie is wearing reaches and she grabs for Lena's arms. Keeping her hands on Lena's wrist, but lets her get the hoodie off of her and I get the towel around her as quickly as I can. When we are done changing her clothes, we get her in night shorts.

I bring Callie into a hug. "Your safe Sweets, I got you, relax, breath" she is still shaking and the tears are still coming out of her eyes and down her face but she has gotten some control over her breathing now.

Something is definitely not right about this she has went back into herself. Her eyes are glossy and unfocused. She stiffen lets me lead her and place her on the bed.

"Here Baby" Lena says as she puts a wet cool wash cloth over Callie's eyes, hoping to calm her be for what is about to happen.

Lena maneuvers Callie and herself in the bed until they are in the same spots, that they was this morning when we cleaned her cuts.

I don't know which is worse Callie crying and melting down? Or her becoming with drawn back into herself. Damn it, it's not going to get any easier. I make eye contact with Lena to make sure she is ready.

"Sweets, I need to clean your cuts now. I will try to be gentle." I promise the girl who, gives me no acknowledgment.

I begin to clean her wounds on her chest. The cuts are red and angry; we need to try to get her to not lay on her stomach tomorrow. The rest of her cuts look better and don't give me any concern. Callie as tensed up several times; she is slightly shaking and is crying but hasn't made a sound.

Lena and I have talked to Callie and trying to reassure her the entire time I have worked on her.

Before I can stop it the thought crosses my mind does the brand mark she has on her and her not wanting to take a bath is connected? I try not to think about that or how it got there in the first place, now because I am upset enough without that spinning in my head.

Now all I have left is her left inner thigh. I saved this for last because I knew it was going to be the hardest on all of us. She has done so much damage trying to get rid of the mark. The area including the cuts and brand are red and ugly and need attention. Karen would defiantly need to look at this tomorrow; I would clean it again in the morning.

When I go to clean the area Callie starts to whimper and squirm trying to get away from the wipes. When that doesn't work because Lena has her wrapped up in a tight, she starts to kick at me. I have to finally place my weight on the bottom of her leg and blocking her with my body as I continue to clean it.

"Please don't I'll be good …I know I belong to you…hurrtssssss…I didn't mean to… I learned my lesson…Pleeeeeeassssssse" Callie cries between hitched breaths.

Lena and I freeze and make eye contact; Callie is in full meltdown mode I don't think she realizes what she is saying. This is more than she has said all day

"All done Sweets it's Ok, you are safe. No one is going to hurt you." Lena says as we get a loose T-shirt on her. I clean up the mess as fast as I can and get my hands washed.

I climb in on the other side of them and wrap my arms around both of my upset girls. I start rocking and trying to comfort both of them. It took Callie about a half an hour to calm down enough to move her down into a laying position. It took another hour before she settled down enough to drift off to sleep. Lena wasn't far behind her.

I wish I could say the same for myself who lay there watching. I couldn't help but spin around the things that had happened today. It had been one hell of a day I sure hope that tomorrow was going to be Hell with the Callie at the Dr. Appointment with Karen.

I was thankful and relieved we had gotten Our Girl through today.

A/N Thank you Lacorra for the edit


	14. Next Morning

A/N

The Legal stuff first I don't own The Fosters or its characters.

Thank you for reading and reviewing…They have made me very happy.

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics...Self-harm described in this chapter

Please read with care.

Next Morning

Lena

When I woke up early the next morning, Callie and Stef were no longer in bed. From the lack of heat on their side of the bed, they haven't been there for a while. I find them on the floor in the corner next to the closet. Stef is propped up against the wall and is holding Callie tight against her chest and both are asleep. From the way Callie is laying and Stef is holding her she must have not wanted to go back to sleep.

"Babe?" I whisper as I gently shake Stef.

"She had bad dreams and wanted to hide; this is where we ended up at" Stef explained in a tired whisper back to me.

"Let's get both of you back into the bed" I say as lean over to help Stef get Callie back to our bed.

I kiss a very tired Stef and whisper to her "It's early go back to sleep I will take care of the morning"

A few hours later I open the bedroom door and almost trip over Jude, who is asleep in front of it with blanket wrapped around him. Poor Baby must have been so worried he slept in front of our door.

I lean down and gently shake him "Good morning Buddy time to get up," He wakes up with a start and moves back toward the wall clearly frightened.

"It's ok your safe, no one is mad" I calmly tell him, it takes him a few moments to comprehend what I have told him.

"Why don't you come down with me and help with breakfast?' I ask him once he as realized where he is.

"I've got to make my bed first" he says as he tries to go to his room.

"That can wait, it is not going anywhere" I tell him as I guide him to go down stairs.

"Why don't you set the table, and do the eggs for me this morning?" I ask him once we make it to the kitchen.

We are quite until he brings the eggs over to the counter where I am making the pancake batter. I can tell he wants to talk but is unsure, of himself. I am sure this is all foreign to him and its making him self-conscious.

I give him a smile "Thanks for helping me this morning!"

"I like to cook, I like kitchen chores the best" he says as he looks up at me smiling

"You can help anytime but I wouldn't tell Jesus or he will be trying to give you all his kitchen chores" I smile. We are quite a few moments, both of us working on our parts of breakfast.

"How is she?" he asks. I can't help but smile inside the boy finally got comfortable enough to ask what is really on his mind.

"She is still sleeping Buddy, we are going to take her to the Dr. today and double-check to make sure she is ok physically " I try to casually ask "When was the last time either of you went to the Doctor?"

"I went last year, when I got the chicken pox" Jude tells me as he looks down at the counter.

"And Callie?" I prod the boy "She doesn't go" he replies quietly.

I would have dug deeper in his answer but B and Jesus came in for breakfast. Breakfast went smoothly, which I am thankful for. As the kids go upstairs to get their stuff for school, I went to start the laundry making sure I throw one Stef's hoodies that Callie seems to of gotten attach to in the washer. With seven of us it seems like all I do is laundry and dishes.

When I went into the dryer I find Callie's sheets, I go to get them out to fold them. They been washed but must of been folded wrong in the washer because they are not fully clean. I can see a few light blood stains. She must of been trying to clean them before anyone would know.

When Jude came down the stairs he hands me Callie's shoes "Don't give them to her before you are ready to leave" he tells me as he tries to run out the door, before I can stop him.

I am a little perplexed by this."Whooooooa! Buddy come back here" I call after him.

He slowly turns around not willing to look me in the eye.

"Why do you have Callie's shoes?" I ask the in a calm voice, I hope that reassures him enough tell me.

When I get a shrug I continue "I am not mad, you can tell me. One team, remember?"

After a very long minute with his eyes downcast he whispers "Callie can't go very far outside without her shoes, her feet got hurt."

When I don't say anything he continues "After they got hurt…at other homes she would put them under my bed at night so that if something happen she could grab me and them, if we had to leave quickly. Here she does it to remind herself that we want to stay here with you guys, she sometimes gets very scared and it makes her want to run." He looks up at me trying to gauge how I took what he just told me I try to blink away the tears of sadness, in front of the boy.

I bring him into a hug "Well I am glad you both want to stay, because we love both of you very much. Go ahead I believe your brothers and sister are waiting to walk with you."

I shut the door and let the tears fall. That tough little girl had tried to fight her demons so hard, it made me so sad.

I decide I need to shower while they were still asleep, it would help calm my nerves. Both girls haven't moved since I left them and are sleeping peacefully. I head to the kids shower so to not wake them up.

After my shower I return our room only to find them gone.

I find Stef and Callie they are on the back deck. Stef is sitting with a cup of coffee in her hands seated in chair with her feet up on another one looking up at the sky. Callie is about 5 feet away from her, near the corner of the deck. She has her legs balled up under her and covered with a blanket curled up another chair. She's listening to her music, slightly rocking herself.

When I open the door, Stef smiles sleepily at me as Callie glances my way but doesn't move.

"Are you two ok?" I asked in a hush tone

"We are fine Love, we just needed some fresh air to clear our heads" Stef smiles. Her eyes are tired and her face is drawn I can tell she didn't get much sleep last night.

When I walk over to Callie she takes her head phones off and looks up at me. I look down into her eyes, they are still a little unfocused and cloudly. But she is not upset, more like she was at dinner last night.

"Good Morning Callie Girl, how are you feeling this morning?" I ask as I reach out a sweep my hand across her forehead. She gives me an ok shrug, with a slight smirk. I give her a smile and move over to Stef.

"Good Morning Baby" I say as I give Stef and kiss on the forehead.

"mmm Good Morning Love" she says to as she looks up at me and returns my kiss.

"Ready for Breakfast? I made pancakes, eggs and bacon this morning" I say and take Stef's hand walking her into the kitchen. Stef stops in the doorway "Breakfast in 5 Sweets, we are right here if you need us. Stay right there." Callie nods and goes back into her head phones not moving from her chair.

Stef pours another cup of coffee and we move over where she can watch Callie out the window. I take her in my arms for a real hug and kiss.

When we break apart she looks into my eyes and asks "How are you Love?

"I am ok, but dreading today" I reply moving over to get breakfast together for us.

I tell her the cliff noted version of what I had found out yesterday in the garden and this morning, from Jude. My wife goes very still and fire blazes in her eyes over most of what I have to tell her especially over Callie's thumb. She looks back out checking on Callie threw the window. I give her a minute as she tries to not to explode and to reel in her thoughts.

I put a round of pancakes on and scramble eggs into the pan. When she walks over and takes the specula from me to finish the eggs.

"How are you Babe?"

"I am worried about my girl" Stef says "Last night was bad. There is something not right, about her not wanting to take a bath. And then I don't know who in the hell she was thinking that she was talking to when she had her meltdown while I was cleaning her thigh."

"Yeah I agree, we need to let Dr. Kodema know, she is going to call and check in after Callie's Doctor Appointment if we don't need to talk to her before then." I say to which Stef nods her head.

Stef begins working through her thoughts with me "It took her forever to go asleep last night and then she had nightmare after nightmare I don't think she got two hours sleep last night. About four this morning she tried to dart out of the room mumbling "Run, Hide". When I got her in my arms I could tell she wasn't awake and was still dreaming. But she wouldn't go back to bed so that's why you found us in the floor this morning" as she finished her train of thought she looked out the window to check Callie again.

"She seems better this morning, but hasn't said much" She shakes her head "We need to try to get her to talk more about anything, so it will become easier for her to do it when she needs to tells us the big stuff"

"We need to tell her about the Dr. Appointment after breakfast, which I am sure she is going to have plenty to say about, if she will voice it I don't know" Stef says with a shrug

"I want to try to get her to eat before she gets upset. Jude says she doesn't go to the doctor. I am sure she isn't going to like even to think thought of it" I reply.

When Callie comes in for breakfast she sits next to me, close but not touching. She glances over at Stef who is getting a warm up on her coffee.

"Do you want some Sweets?" Stef asks with a smile to the girl. To which the Callie nods her head.

"Words please" Stef reminds her.

"Yes, please" Callie replies in a quiet voice.

"How was the crew this morning?" Stef asks me "They were all good except you know Marianna always running late" I say this and look at Callie to see how she would respond; I see her mouth go into a slight smirk.

We continue on with breakfast, Stef and I talking about the mundane everyday stuff. Callie slowly eats half her pancakes and some bacon. She has taken all of her meds I had laid next to her plate and her water is gone. She is still working on finishing her coffee, which I am sure she will finish.

"Did you get enough, Hun?" I ask

"Yes Thanks" Callie replies in a soft voice, with a slight smile on her face as she glances up at me for a moment before looking back down into her coffee. Her face had more color and she didn't seem as lifeless, which I took as a good sign.

While Stef and Callie finish their coffee, I go and switch out the laundry. Callie will want Stef's hoodies. When I come back into the kitchen with Callie's sheets, she and Stef are doing all the breakfast dishes.

"Hun, I think we are going to have to throw these away, and get you new ones" I tell Callie

When I turn around from throwing them away, Callie has moved away from Stef placing her back against the counter, with her hands at the ready to cover or fight. She is looking back forth between us with a scared look on her face.

"It's ok Sweets it was an accident, you didn't do it on purpose" When the girl doesn't respond Stef continues "No one is mad, remember we don't hit EVER remember?"

Once I see that she as calmed down I go over a wrap my arms around her leading her over to the nook for a talk. We give her a minute to collect her thoughts, while she stays in my arms.

"Sorry" she mumbles, she now as tears in her eyes but she is trying to blink them back.

"Baby, is that why you came back in from the tree yesterday morning, to put them in the dryer?" Stef asks trying to get the girl to look her in the eye. Callie will not look up, but does give Stef a slight nod.

"I'm too old…I didn't want anyone to know" she whispers with any embarrassed look on her face

That's when I can tell it clicked for Stef also; Callie had wet the bed and didn't want anyone to know.

"It's ok Baby it was an accident, nothing is hurt. We will get you a new set and you can even pick them out ok? I say soothingly as I hug her tighter, this seems to reassure her. It takes her a few moments but she settles down.

Stef

Lena and I make eye contact; we need to tell Callie about her appointment.

"Sweets I need you to look at me" I say as I wait on her to give me her eyes. When she finally raises them I can tell she is scared.

"Callie Girl we need you to know that we love you so much. We are going with you today and get you checked at a Dr. appointment" The girl tears up and bit her bottom lip starts to quiver and her foot starts to slightly bounce as I tell her this. "Sweets would a lady doctor be ok?"

I can tell she is panicking on the inside. Everything she is giving off to us is a resounding No way. She keeps glancing at the door, she is defiantly thinking about running. Jude knows Callie, no wonder he told us not to give her shoes to her until we were leaving. I wonder if I should give her my flip-flops to wear instead, to the Dr. Appointment. I don't want to chase her but at least in them she will not be able to get very far.

"Try and use your words Sweets" I say quietly trying to encourage her to talk

It takes several minutes before we get a weak "OK" from the girl. She is going to run the first chance she gets, she is so scared. Lena and I both can see her thinking she is going to find a way out of this before the appointment happens.

"We are going to go see Dr. Karen, Megan's mom…you remember her right? She was here at the barbecue a couple of weeks ago" Lena asks Callie

"III don't want to…I'm ok" Callie mumbles as she shakes her head

"We need to get you doubled checked, we don't want infection" I say to her, glad she is talking.

After several minutes and she still hasn't said anything Lena tries again "Baby, we only want what is best for you, and what is best is that we make sure you are ok. We know this is not what you want to do and it's scary and a lot of things are going on in your head that are confusing. That's were me and Mom come in; we got ya and will not let anything happen to you. We are going to be with you the whole time." Lena finishes.

"Callie, you are safe, we need you to talk to us." I say as I took lift her chin to try to get her to look at me. "Baby I need you trust us."

Callie goes back into Lena more, trying to hide.

"No more hiding from us Sweets remember?" I try to coax it out of her.

"Nnoo one is suppppposed to see" she whispers and starts weeping in Lena's arms. Lena just hugs her tighter as she is rocking and letting her cry. Lena and I both make note that she more than likely didn't get treatment for the brand after it was done.

After about twenty minutes Callie is still crying, but has started to get herself under control. I get her some juice and notice when I hand it to her that her hands are shaking again. I get in close to her as she takes sips of the juice.

I bend my face down so that she can't hide her eyes. "Sweets, remember you agreed with Momma yesterday that we would take you to the doctor if you needed to go. You need to go Baby. Dr. Karen needs to make sure I am taking care of them correctly. It would kill me to think I didn't take care of you the right way. We will always be honest with you, we are telling you the truth…Momma and I will be right there with you, we will not let anyone hurt you. I need you to be brave here and let us take care of you, please"

When I am finished I can tell she is still hesitant but doesn't want to disappoint me.

"With me, the whole time?" She mumbles

"Both of us the whole time" I say nodding.

She says nothing to this when I look in her eyes I can tell she has shutdown and we are not going to get any further with her right now.

"How about we go upstairs and watch TV in the big bed?" I say as I get up holding me hand out to her, which she slow takes and follows me upstairs.

We get into mine and Lena's bed. Callie let's go of my hand puts her headphones on and goes sits on the window bench, bringing her legs up bending them at the knees. I guess it's her way of telling me she needs space now. I grab my I-pad and settle into a spot on the bed so that I can surf but still keep her in my peripheral view.

When I look up I notice Callie has her arms around her body and is slightly rocking, but what catches my eye is that she is crying. When I look closer she has the battery case lid from her Mp3 player in her hand, she is taking the edge of it and trying to "cut" at her inner left thigh where her brand/cuts are. By the time I make it over to her, the wound is bleeding threw her shorts.

"No! Callie, No" I say as I take her forearm, bringing it up and away from her leg. Damn it! I grab lower on her arm more toward her wrist but I can't loosen my grip now. She is fighting me and is still trying to get back to her wound. She is trying to push and kick at me to get me away and make me let go of her arm.

"NO I will not let you hurt yourself NO…Let me have it" I am trying to get her to give me the cover, but she as balled up into her fist and is not going to let go of it.

"It's the only way…It's minnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" She screams at me and is sobbing as she continues to fight me. Lena must have heard the commotion and runs in to help. She puts her body on top of Callie's legs, so that the girl can't get her legs up. I basically pin the top of her body behind me with my body. She keeps pounding on my back with her free fist. When we are both in place I move her arm forward as Lena forces her fingers back and her hand open to get the cover.

It's obvious she is out of control. Even after Lena has the battery cover Callie continues to fight us. I make eye contact with Lena and nod; we are going to have to take her to the floor. I switch my arms on the grip on her to which Lena's help force her up off the bench and onto the floor. With me scooting in behind Callie criss-crossing her arms and locking my legs around hers, getting her in the same hold I had her yesterday morning. I start rocking her and saying what I hope is soothing words of love.

I lock eyes with Lena and she follows my eye sight to Callie left thigh. You can see her shorts soaking in blood. She runs and gets a hand towel, and the first aid kit. My Love doesn't like the gory stuff but she doesn't hesitate to put pressure with the hand towel to Callie's leg when I release my leg lock a little so that she can.

After about five minutes Callie has calmed down a little, she is still crying and shaking but she is not trying to get out of my grip. It takes me a minute to realize she keeps tugging her left arm, for me to let it loose. I take a chance and let go of it, and she brings it up to rub her nose.

Lena pulls off the towel and goes to lift Callie shorts up.

"No…no one is suppppose to see ever" Callie says in a whisper between hitched breaths as she lays her head back against my shoulder.

"Baby, why isn't anyone supposed to see?" Lena stops and quietly asks

"He said it's our secret" she mumbles out between uneven breaths.

Lena and I look at each and try to figure out how much we push her now. I pull her tighter into me and whisper "It's ok we are on the same team now, we don't keep secrets. Remember honest and trust promises"

As I am saying this to the girl, Lena has moved up Callie shorts leg, to get access to the damage. Thankfully most of the bleeding has stopped. She puts a clean dressing on the wound and holds it there for a few minutes. After he puts triple antibiotic salve on it.

"I just wanted it to quit…Its his" Callie whispers

"Baby, hurting it more is not the way to make it not hurt" Lena says looking into Callie's eyes

A/N: Please note I wrote parts of "Callie" in a jumble manner to reflect her thoughts as she tried to communicate

Thank you Lacorra for the edit


	15. Need to make it stop

A/N

Thank you for reading and reviewing…The reviews and PMs have helped me tremendously

The Monster is Callie's bad thoughts; some of this came out jumbled because it's coming out of her jumbled head.

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics, this chapter has Self-harm described

**Please read with care.**

Need to make it stop

Callie

I try to push back into Lena and try to hide. _Now you have done it Stupid, bad enough that they have seen a how much of mess you are, but now they know you are Bad you wet the bed, like a baby. What fifteen year can't control peeing? _The Monster spins in my head as I am trying not to make eye contact with Stef, but she is so close I don't have a choice.

Stef is trying to talk to me and read my eyes "You agreed with Momma yesterday that we would take you to the doctor if you need to go". _Stupid, now a doctor is going to see and it will have to reported to Bill who will take you from there and split you and Jude up_ The Monster spins

Stef continues "…You need to go Baby… It would kill me to think I didn't take care of you the right way… Momma and I will be right there with you, we will not let anyone hurt you."

I don't want to disappoint her._ Don't even know why you try to, you know you are going to; it's your way always. _The Monster spins.

Stef is looking at me pleading; I've got to say something "With me, the whole time?" I am finally able to mumble out. When Stef nods as she looks into my eyes I can tell she is telling me the truth they will not leave me. I will do anything for her to give me the look she does when I quit arguing. Before I know it I let her take me up stairs.

I need space I am letting them get to close to me. I agreed to go to the doctor, what was I thinking? She is going to see and then I will be split up from Jude. Damn it why did I agree to go to Sat group? If I had just been strong enough to go with my gut and say I didn't want to go to Dr. K therapy on Wednesday afternoons. I wouldn't have move to Saturday Group and I wouldn't have ran into Liam's new foster-sister. I wouldn't have tried to talk to her and broke the rules.

Liam had reminded me Saturday of the rules as I ran out of Group. He had grabbed me as I was trying to get away from all the noise. He had thrown be up against the wall, pinning me until I couldn't move. He had run his hands all over my body, and told me how much he had enjoyed playing with me. He reminded me he knew all my secrets and that if I ran my mouth about his secrets that he would tell mine and then make Jude pay also. To emphasis his point when his hands had made it down to my thigh, he had pinch the brand on the inside of it to remind me. _You are so stupid you deserve the pain; you shouldn't have said anything to Sara or in Group about Liam, you know the rules. NEVER TALK _The Monster spins

Liam would have gone further but Group had broken up and people were coming out, the doors. He had no choice but to back off from where he had me against the wall. I took my chance to break away from him and ran all the way home. The bad thoughts had never really left me but after Sat. they wouldn't shut up, no matter how hard I tried to ignore them.

I shouldn't have ever trusted Liam, but I thought he cared. I was so tired of trying to survive and always be strong. It had felt good not to constant have to worry about being safe or if we was going to get to eat that day or was the foster parents going to get drunk again and go five rounds with each other or with Jude and I, which meant me.

But as usual the case with me nothing good is what it seems, Liam had played me. The night Liam decide the game was up, he had seen the brand after he what he wanted. I was so upset I don't remember a lot until I felt him gasp my inner thigh, bringing me out of my numbness

"I knew it! Not only am I not your first but you are someone property...nothing but a Slut." He had said laughing as he left the room.

I need to calm down. Up and back yes move up and back one, two, three…

_He was right what twelve-year-old is marked, except a Slut" The Monster spins. It's because of Him that you will always be Worthless. No one is ever going to want you. Why would they? Why do you think you were placed with Him to begin with? They knew what kind of house they were placing you in; That Helen would turn a blind eye to what was happening, in her own house. The teachers, the social workers, the other kids' parents they all saw the other bruises and did nothing. Now you have let the Moms see you and all you're crazy, you think they are going to let you stay and contaminant sweet Jude anymore than you already have? Just like you, not strong enough to break the Promise with Jude yourself, you are going to let the Moms do it for you. You will always be his…The Monster spins._

I've got to make it stop, something to make it stop. Yes the cover off my player, it has an edge. Move it back and forth one, harder move it back and forth two, I can still feel it, harder move it back and forth three, I've got to make it quit, move it back and forth four.

"No! Callie, No" I hear somewhere off in the distance, I need to cut it out it's the only way. Why is she trying to make me stop? She needs to let me go I've got to, she can't have it. It's the only way to make the Monster shut up enough to where I don't have to think about Him or Liam or any of the bad thoughts. WHY is she trying to take it from me? Why don't she understand?

"It's the only way…It's minnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" I try to make her understand but she will not stop. No Lena don't do that, Owwe my fingers, No its mine give it back I have to make it stop._ See you can't even do that right what a screw up. _The Monster sings.

Why can't I move my arms?

"Sshhhh its ok I got you Sweets, calm down… in through your nose out through your mouth" I hear Stef saying to me but it like she is far off. But I know she is here.

I finally can move my left arm, rub my nose one, two, three, four...

Why is Lena trying to make the pain stop? If she does that the Monster will be back spinning again. I am not supposed to show it to anyone.

"No…no one is suppppose to see ever" I try to explain to Lena

"Baby, why isn't anyone supposed to see?" Lena stops and quietly asks.

"He said it's our secret" I say. How do I explain the rest? I don't even want to think about all of what he said and taught me

I feel Stef hug me tighter and whisper in my ear "It's ok we are on the same team now, we don't keep secrets. Remember honest and trust promises"

Yes I remember I just don't know how to do it.

"I just wanted it to quit…Its his" Is as close as I can get to explaining it.

"Baby, hurting it more is not the way to make it not hurt" Lena says looking into my eyes, I see nothing but love there. Which confuses me even more, she should be mad at me now.

"Rules" I say trying to get her to understand, she looks at Stef questionably.

"_You can't even explain simple rules; just shut up…talking brings the pain"_ The Monster spins

I can't stand for her to look at me anymore, I close my eyes tight. I try to just go with the numbness that the cuts always bring. When Lena finishes cleaning my all my booboos, they help me off the floor to the bed where I lay down with Lena sliding in behind me.

I just want to hide within her curls, where I don't have to look at either of them now. When I turn into her my booboo on my leg hurts and I start to move back, when Stef stops me and puts a pillow between my knees to take the pressure off.

"Better?" She asks

I try to nod but my head is so heavy and I feel like one of eyes might pop out of my skull, it's hurting so bad. Lena must have noticed my half nod and asked Stef for a cold wash cloth, which she brought back and placed over my eyes. I don't understand why I can't quit the tears from coming out of my eyes, even after the darkness helps the pressure behind my eyes.

"Shhh just let go it" I try to tell myself that I can stay right there with Coco and let her love keep the Monster at bay. I start to rub my finger against my nose, it so hard not to suck my thumb.

_You really must be Dumb, still wants to suck your thumb even after…_The monster spins I clench my fist trying to block out where it's heading. When I feel Stef place an ice bag on my knuckles as she takes my hand.

"Baby, I need you to wake up" I hear Lena say as I feel her brush back my hair off my forehead. I feel like I have been run over by a truck, I am so tired and my head is still hurting.

"Here take these" Stef says as she hands my some pills and a glass of juice to wash them down. I must have drifted back off to sleep after I took them.

Because the next thing I know Stef is gentle shaking my shoulder. "Sweets, I need you to wake up now" She is quietly saying to me "Can you sit up for me?"

I nod, my head as eased off to just a dull ache. As I sit up I feel Stef's hand on my shoulder to steady me, I see spots and have to shut my eyes to keep the dizziness from over taking me.

When the spinning stops I open my eyes to see Stef looking down at me trying to get me to look at her. When I will not she takes my chin in both of her hands lifting it forcing me to look into her to where I see nothing but love and tears in them.

"Sweets, I love you no matter what" She says then kisses my forehead, pulls me back looking back into my eyes again " We will get threw whatever we need to together" then kisses my forehead, I wrap my arms around her waist pulling her into me locking them to give her a tight hug. I feel so safe there I never want to move.

We are interrupted by Lena calling out from the bathroom for me to come get dressed; then she will do my hair once she gets the laundry changed out. I know if I want in kind of privacy I need to go now, I think Stef realizes my conundrum and lets me go with a loving smile.

After I am done, I walk over to wash my hands and brush my teeth. I start counting the black titles around the mirror. If I concentrated on counting I don't have to look in the mirror, don't want to know how ugly I am.

I am so glad when Lena comes over and starts getting the tangles out of my hair with the smell good detangle stuff. I try to relax into the strokes of the brush and let the numbness take over.

"One braid or Two?" Lena asks

_Braids aren't to make you any prettier _The Monster says

"Babe?.. One braid or Two?"" Lena says again to bring me out of my head.

"Two together please" I mummer to her which gets me a smile from her, she loves to French braid my hair and then bring it into one big braid down my neck.

When we finish and start to head down stairs, I stop when I realize I left Stef's hoodie in the bathroom. Lena must have known what I wanted to go back for.

"I got you a clean one down stairs, although should I be hurt that you only want hers?" She asks with a smile.

"Ummm" I say down at the floor, what do I say I don't want her to think I like Stef more than her?

"Babe, I'm not hurt. I like to wear them too, when she isn't here." Lena says to calm me. "Seriously its fine" she says when I don't acknowledge her first comment. I can only nod.

When we get to the bottom of the stairs Stef is there waiting on us, with her hoodie for me. That's when I realize I need to go back up to Jude's bed and get my shoes.

"Sweets, flip-flops will be easier here" She says as she puts a pair of blue Slider flip-flops in front of me in floor "Put these on, please"

I nodded at her when she is still looking at me I think she is expecting me to argue. Wheww I can still put on my socks, to cover my ugly feet. I had just started getting comfortable enough not to wear socks around the house all the time, but no way was going out without my feet covered.

_You deserved it, he told you not to never ever run from Him_ The Monster Spins

We get into the car that's when it hits me again where they are taking me. As soon as I try to balk at getting into the car Stef slides in behind me opening the door, guiding me through to door following me into the back seat.

Fine two could play this, instead of sitting in the middle I slide all the way across to the other door. Stef just follows me not letting me fully get to the other door, by putting her arm around my shoulders and bringing me into a side hug.

"I did use soap today" she says with a smile trying to keep things light. But I can see she is on guard for me to run. Did I do something to make them think I will run? Even though that's exactly what I plan on doing.

"Here Sweets" Stef says as she hands me a bottle of water as Lena gets into drive. I didn't know I was thirst until I started drinking it.

"Relax" she whispers in my ear as she gives me a kiss to the side of my forehead pulling me tighter into her as she hands me her Mp3 player that she uses when she runs, it is one that you recharge using a USB cable not batteries.

"I transferred your music, here is your play list" She says as she shows me the menu and how to get to my music and turn it on, as we pull out of the driveway. I close my eyes start to count the rubs my finger is making in against my nose…one, two…twenty.

But no matter how hard I try, I don't want to do this and even though I apparently agreed that I would go if they thought I need to still a little fuzzy on that...I need a plan quick. _Stupid can't even come up with a simple plan, when did you get so soft?_ The Monster spins

If I can make it out at the next stop sign, it's a little ways to cut the back way over to the school to get Jude. _Jude isn't going to come with you, he belongs to them now…One team only you aren't on that team, they just telling you that long enough to dump you at Crazyville _The Monster spins

Damn it, I am so busy trying to fight it; I miss my chance at that stop sign. It will be a further to run to get Jude but I will get out at the next one before the highway.

As soon as the car stops, one, two, now I make a bolt for the door but it will not open. I don't understand why not I got to get out of here; I can't let them take me to the doctor, for Bill to find out. He will force me to break the promise to Jude

"No Callie" I hear Stef try to tell me and bring me closer into her.

I don't hear her, I got to go; I don't want to do this.

_Soft, soft is what you are. What happen to the girl that would break out anytime she wanted to leave somewhere? _The Monster sings

I got to get this door open. The more I try the more I get frustrated and the harder I try to make it open, I will kick it open if I have to. I can't let her stop me. I got to go.

Why can't I get my breath? I have got to go get Jude. I start to see dark spots in my eyes.

Stef gotten into place and has one of my arms pined behind me, she has her other hand on my chest. When she does some kind of pressure thing on my chest… Owwweee that hurts, the next thing is Stef is telling me to follow her breathing in through my nose out through my mouth, I think that's what she is trying to tell me but she is still kind of fuzzy

"Sorry Sweets, I didn't want to hurt you but I needed you to calm down and breath before you hurt yourself" She is saying to me.

Damn it I needed to leave, I needed to get Jude.

_FRACK, FRACK…seriously you let them get you in the back seat where they could put the child locks on the doors…Dummy _The Monster spins around and round in my head

I don't want to deal with any of this, I close my eyes not giving them the satisfaction of seeing how pisssed I am that I can't even get the simplest of plans to start.

_STUPID and Weak is what you are_ The Monster spins.

A/N: Please don't hate this was getting to long and I had to cut it off somewhere.

Thank you Lacorra for the edit and making it all flow, you are the best.


	16. Defiant, Sweet, Broken

A/N

Thank you for reading and reviewing.

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics. Please read with care.

Defiant, Sweet, Broken

Callie

I must have tuned everything out because the next thing I know, Stef is gently moving me and Lena is opening the door on Stef's side. My choices are either to climb through to the front and hope to make it out the driver's side door before they could catch me or go out on Stef's side.

Damn it, no choice I scoot over to go out Stef's side. When I swing my legs out to get out, I am blocked by Lena who squats down in the door way, and cups my chin and moves it until she is forcing me to look at her.

Tears start coming into my eyes when I look at her, she has the look of Momma on her face and in her eyes is love, concern and she means business. I am reminded right than that she is Coco and she will make everything ok.

"Baby, shhh its ok, everything ok…I need you try and trust us. Like Mom said we will be right there with you the whole time, we just need you to remember your promises…do you remember? What are they?" Lena asks.

When I nod my head Stef says "Words Sweets"

"Honest, trust and try" I mummer

When they wait on me to say something "I am being honest, I don't want to do this" I sniffle out and cross my arms looking down at the pavement.

"And our promise to you is that we would be honest with you. We are telling you this needs to happen, for us to keep our other promise to protect you and keep you safe" Stef answers

"We need you to keep the other part of your promise, the try part" Lena says to me with her, I mean business face.

I give them a slight nod but I don't like it at all. I can't fight against Lena when she looks at me with her Momma powers.

When I get out of the car they each grab a side and one of my hands. I don't like that they are in my bubble Lena gives me an eye, when she feels me squirm. She took her place next to me, so there is nothing I can do.

I really don't like that Stef is on my right; she has my predominant hand and the one a punch with or keeps myself ground with. No way is she going to let go of it, I think as we are waved through the empty waiting room. Lena has to let go of my hand to fill out the paperwork on me, I would help but nope don't think so.

The Receptionist is telling Lena that they are shut down to patients from two until four in the afternoons for lunch and an office hour, and then stay open late to accommodate appointments after school. The more she talks the more annoying she gets, like I am special case or something. I would like to punch her in the face, but think better of it when I get a look from Stef.

Something in my eye must have let the Annoying one know I am annoyed with her and this whole situation because she only hesitated with a glance my way at the scales and then thought better about asking me to do anything and guide us into an exam room.

"I will let Dr. Smith know you are here" she said as she hurried out the room.

I looked around the room it is set up for kids, it has Winnie the Pooh and Tiger too theme. I need a place to sit beside the dam exam table. I spot a big bean bag in the corner near the Lego's play set. I squeeze Stef's hand to walk that way, when she sees where I am going she nods. I sit down, tuck my hands into my hoodie and start counting the red Lego's on the play table, trying to ignore where I am at.

Stef pulls up a chair for her and Lena to sit down, about two feet away from me. She angles her chair between me and the exit door. I try not to let them know I am paying attention to them but I can tell Moms are nervous, especially Stef.

She is doing that bouncy thing with her foot every now and again and she is checking on me every five seconds. When she catches me watching her she gives me a smile and gives me a question look before I know it I am nodding yes I want her to sit with me.

I didn't realize how much I had missed being in her arms, we haven't been out of the car for ten minutes. When she wraps her arms around me in a loose hug, I automatically snuggle down into her. As soon as I get settled down in her arms the door opens.

"Afternoon Ladies, hope we haven't kept you waiting too long" a smiling Dr. Karen says as enters the room. She slides over on the doctor stool to our corner and introduces the woman that followed her in as Lisa her nurse.

The woman tries to make eye contact with me and hands me a pill cup. I ignore her the same way I did Dr. Karen when she tried to make eye contact with me moment ago. I dig further down into Stef who whispers "I got your safe"

Lena takes the pill cup from the nurse and the water, when I will not take them. She gives me please look and it's all it took for me to crumble and take the pill. When she hands me the water I drink all of it and hand it back to her, which gets me a thank you smile from Lena and a squeeze from Stef.

"Callie, it's good to see you although I wish it was under better circumstances" Dr. Karen waits for me to glance at her then continues "We are here to figure out how to make you feel better, it will get better I promise" All I can think of is all these people and their damn promises.

"These are going to help you relax and get through this appointment" She says to me after I take the pill and go back into my hiding spot next to Stef's neck "They may make you woozy and tired"

"It's Diazepam" She tells Moms

''Callie I need you to look at me, I need to make sure you understand the ground rules for today so it is not so scary" Dr. Karen says in her doctor voice.

"First of all I play by the same rules as Dr. Kodema. Anything you tell me I can't tell anyone unless and this is the important part, unless I think you are going to hurt yourself or others. And I have to tell if I suspect you are being abused. Do you understand?" I give her a nod, Dr. K had gone over this with me the first Wednesday we had met.

Before she can go on I have to ask "and Bill?"

By the look on her face she doesn't understand my question and looks back and forth between Lena and Stef. Lena speaks up to explain "She wants to know what you have to tell Bill"

When Dr. Karen turns back to me she makes a point of looking straight at me and says "Ok, Well here is the thing you are a ward of the state so I have to tell him how I treat you medically but" she makes sure I am listening "I will not tell him what we talk about, as long as it doesn't fall into the two exceptions to the rules Dr. Kodema said she checked on you yesterday and was happy with the plan your Moms have to keep you safe and as long as you don't show signs of being abused, now I don't talk"

I can tell by the look in her eyes she is telling me the truth, she will not talk to Bill, which is a great thing in my book. Making sure I understand she waits until I nod when I do she gives me a smile and continues

"Second I need you to know you are safe and at any time you don't understand something or if you need me to stop what I am doing you just got to say something" She says and I nod understanding

"Third not that I think this is what you want but it's an option. It can be just me and nurse Lisa here during the exam. You can have one or both or neither of your Moms here for any part of the exam. You just have let me know. We will make it as comfortable for you as we can. Do you want both of them to stay?" Dr. Karen finishes. She must have been able to read my eyes because I am freaking out by the time she said that it both moms could leave me.

"Both Stay" I mumbled out

"Ok that's what I thought but had to make sure" Dr. Karen says as she reaches out to pat my shoulder, she ignores it when I shrink back into Stef further "Do you have any questions for me yet?

I shake my head no, so she continues "Ok Kiddo now that is done, here is what is going to happen. I am going have you go sit over there on the bed, so I can see you better. No worries Stef can sit up there with you while I check you out." Dr. Karen finishes and slides over toward the bed and asks the nurse to get an ice pack out of the cabinet leaving me with my Moms.

I look at Lena and tell her with my eyes I still didn't want to do this. But all I get back is a you have to Baby look as she reaches out her hand to help me up as Stef is guiding me up.

When I am standing up I have to shut my eyes because the dark spot are back. When I go to take a step it feels like the whole room is spinning and my legs are one hundred pounds. Good thing Stef and Lena are right beside me, I can't seem to walk totally straight. When we finally make it to the table, I make sure to hold on to Stef tightly when we sit down on so as not to fall off. Lena goes on the other side of me never letting go of my hand.

Once we are settled Dr. Karen rolls over to in front of me and says "Lena said you hurt your hand, can I see it?"

I don't want to but Stef pats at my elbow until I pull it out of my hoodie. And give it to Dr. Karen to let her exam it, asking if she did this did it hurt? I was able to shake my head or shrug me way through.

"This must of hurt, how did you do it?" Dr. Karen asked as she put the ice pack on my knuckles

When I hesitate answering a little too long Stef whispers in my ear "Honest Sweets" as she hugs me tighter.

"Hit a Post" I mumble

"Well I don't think you broke anything but let's try not to fight with any more post please, they always win" She says with a smile I nod and find myself smirking back at her.

Whooow my head is feeling funny like I have drunk a half of bottle of Vodka, it's all I can do to keep my head up when Dr. Karen goes to check my eyes and ears.

"How long as your head been hurting?" She asks to which I shrug because I can't really remember when it started.

When she makes birds chirp when she checks my ears, it's so corny I can't help myself but to giggle at it.

Lena squeezes my hand to let me know she is there when I tried unsuccessful not to flinch when Dr. Karen went to feel my neck and throat.

She moves on to my back I don't even care that she raises my shirt and put the cold listening thingy on by back, it felt good.

"These marks on your back, how did you get them?" She asks.

I give her a shrug; I feel too good, to want to remember.

She doesn't even get upset when I can't breathe in and out right; she just tells me with a smile that my heart was still beating."

"Duh Silly" I tell her smiling back at her.

I don't hear the Monster and everything as slowed down. Things might still be jumbled but between the woozy feeling and Stef's arms around me I don't care.

After she is finished with that part Dr. Karen says to me "Ok Kiddo you are doing great, I don't see anything to be concerned about everything looks good so far. I am going ask your Moms' to help you get into this gown."

She turns to Lena and says "Top half is fine. I will take care of the bottom half when we get there"

She turns back to me and says "Lisa and I, are go right over there, to get the paperwork started" I try to nod and follow to where she is looking but I can't my head is too heavy.

Stef

When Callie giggled at the silly birds sounds that Karen made, Lena and I had to share a smile together. It was the first time we had ever heard her giggle like a little girl, she would laugh, smirk or even smile though rarely but never giggled.

When it came time to get her changed, she half-heartily tried to resist or help I am not sure which. But she was so giggly drunk that it was easier just for me to try holding her body up against mine holding one of her hands, I am able to distract her by using the flying hands trick, I use to use on B when he was little at the doctors. While Lena tries to runs her other arm threw the gown arm holes.

While we have her up, I move so that when we are finished with the gown, we can lay her down on top of me, her back to my front. I want to cuddle her and make sure she knows she is safe. By the time we are finished Callie, can't keep her head up and says "Thanks" with a smirked as she lays her head on my shoulder.

Lena reaches over and brushes her hair back off her forehead and says "I love you, Baby"

Callie answers "I love you to Coco" and reaches out for a hug which Lena returns. When I reach around to hug them both Callie giggling pipes up with "and My Stef toooooo" Did she call me hers? I try not to cry happy tears but Lena gives me a smile she heard it to and a few escapes down my cheek.

"Coco?" Lena asks Callie with a questionable eye. Come to think of it Jude had call Lena Coco yesterday morning when he was talking to Callie, to give us her blades. It had totally slipped my mind until now.

"Yup you're Coco, you will make everything ok" Callie says totally full of herself. Lena tears up and brings us tighter squeezing both of us. "Our Callie Girl forever?" she asks her "Yup" Callie doesn't hesitant in answering, giving the hug back as tight as she could.

I can't help but think this is what Callie would have been like if she hadn't been treated the way she had been. Taught to hide this part of her, from the world. I wonder if we would ever see her freely be like this with us, I sure do hope so. I try to savior these moments as I hug both my girls.

I see Karen glancing over to check and see if we are ready I give her a slight nod even though I don't want to.

Lena tries to back out of the hug Callie lets her go about half way up and then will not release her and says "Don't leave me please…scary" Lena and I share I glance, did Callie just admit she was scared? If the giggling and loving didn't tip us off, this confirmed it she is medicated.

"I am not leaving you Baby, I am going to be right here" Lena tells her

"Promise?" Callie asks looking into Lena's eyes, with her bottom lip quivering

"Promise" Lena replies as she nods her head and takes Callie's hand in hers interlocking their fingers together as she moves to the side.

With Lisa behind her Karen walks back over "Callie looks like you are ready to continue, I need to check your head ok?" Karen asks to which Callie nodded and raised her head up sort of to let Karen check her mostly its Karen is holding it up for her.

Karen ran her fingers through Callie head until she stop at the back of it and asked "Callie when did you get this knot on the back of your head?"

"Saturday" she mumbles

"Is this when your head started hurting?" Karen asks Callie wobbly nods

"Ok we will get you something for it; Moms nothing to be concerned about just a small knot" Karen says as she helps Callie rest her head against me again.

Callie has gone into a watchful slumber "Callie, I am going to check your heart, this might be a little cold." Karen says as tries to slip the stethoscope down to listen to Callie's heart, when Nurse Lisa moves next to Callie and reaches to un-snap some of the buttons on her gown.

Callie shoots her hand up knocking Nurse Lisa hands off her "Don't touch me" she says in a low growl, before I can grab her arm. I can feel her start to shake and to get upset.

"Easy Callie Girl, I've got you" I take her hand in mine interlocking our fingers.

Karen finishes checking her heart and breathing then puts the stethoscope around her neck.

"Callie, I am going to check your breasts now" Karen glances at Lena to help her with the snaps.

"I am going to help her Baby" Lena explains before she reaches up and finishes un-snapping a few of the buttons, bringing her gown down enough that Karen to continue.

Callie's breathing starts to hitch becoming uneven and she has tears filling in her eyes. Callie keeps trying to make a fist with her hand but I will not let go, so she squeezes my hand repeatedly. Tears start to roll down her cheeks but she isn't making a sound.

Lena retaking Callie's hand as she says "Baby, look over here at me…you are doing so good...it will be over in a minute." She encourages.

I can't do nothing but hold her tighter and try soothing her with soft words into her ear. Reminding her I am here and she is safe. By the time Karen is done Callie is wiggling her legs and biting her bottom lip with huge tears running down her face.

Karen brings the gown back up on Callie's shoulders; she and Lena snap the buttons together.

"Callie, I need to check your stomach now, you might feel some pressure I've got to make sure your insides are where they need to be." Karen tells her as she lifts the bottom of Callie gown. Karen goes to on with the exam, checking her cuts as she went.

Callie is upset and staring off but isn't fighting any of it until Karen must have felt something she didn't like on Callie's lower right abdomen. Karen stopped and pulled her hands away.

"Callie I need to slide your shorts down a little lower so I can check this OK?" Karen asks as she looks at Callie waiting for acknowledgement. Callie shakes her head and will not look at Karen.

"It's ok Sweets I am right here, will you please let her check you?" I ask her

Callie sees Lisa move closer to the bed I feel Callie go tense, before starts screaming "No don't" Callie obviously doesn't trust her and I give her a back off look, which she does.

"Baby?" Lena moves over and rolls Callie's shorts down a little with Callie holding onto her wrist.

"Just a quick check" Karen says, as she examines the area, which is has a bruise looking knot on it. She quickly moves Callie's shorts back up as soon as she is finished.

"None of the cuts look infected but I am concerned they could, especially the ones on her breast. We need to keep an eye on them. Triple antibiotic salve on twice a day and clean them at least twice a day." Karen tells me

She tries to get Callie's attention "Callie if you start hurting you need to tell your Moms ok?" Callie drunkenly replies "Always hurt…hands…hurt. Everywhere"

I want to push her for more of answer but Lena's and Karen's eyes both told me to hold off. I remind myself that I whatever my feelings are I am going to have to put them aside, Callie feeds off me and we don't want her to shut down and not talk to us because she thinks I am mad or upset because of her.

I give Karen I nod that I understand both of what she said about the cuts and what her eyes told me. She steps back over to make notes at the counter, long enough for us to regroup.

Lena and I make eye contact; we both don't like what we heard. We agreed that we let Callie talk as little or as much as she will, no matter what she says. She is very emotional and can misconstrue anything right now, Lena needs to breathe and I need to keep calm.

Lena stands up looks down at Callie and does her custom forehead smoothing pat to Callie's forehead and says "See all done, you did great you ok Hun?" When Callie doesn't answer she says "It's ok Baby, I know it's scary but you are being so brave, we are so proud of you" As soon as Lena had let go of her hand she had brought it up to let her finger rub her nose.

"Yes Sweets you have been so good…We Love you" I tell her as I start gently rocking her.

Callie slowly nods her head and mumbles out "Love you too" as she tries to get her breathing under control. We are there a few moments like this when I feel Callie squeeze my hand at first I thought she was just doing it again to calm herself until she doesn't let go and she lethargically moves her head until her mouth is right next to my ear.

She whispers in half choked sobs "Stef…I...cant…pleeease"

When she says this, I look into her tear filled eyes and see she is totally broken and dependent on me to take care of her.

It breaks my heart but calmly I say "Sweets, you know that Dr. Karen as to finish checking you yes?"

"I…know" she sobbing spits out before re-biting her trembling bottom lip.

I look up to Lena who nods, we both then look over to Karen who as been listening from her spot over at the counter. She looks at Lisa who quietly slips out of the room to return in a minute with another pill and a cup of water, which this time she hands to Lena to give to Callie.

I lift her up and Lena helps Callie take the pill with the water. I lay us back into our position and start rocking her in my arms.

In about five minutes right before Callie drifts off asleep she whispers "Stef please don't leave me"

"I got you Sweets, close your eyes" I whisper back to her as she fades off to sound to sleep.

A/N: What did you think about Callie this chapter? : Defiant with a touch of anger to Sweet Medicate to Broken.

Sorry I couldn't make Callie go through the next part awake.

Thank you Lacorra for the edit


	17. Exam

A/N

Thank you for reading and reviewing :)

I am not a doctor nor have I played at one on tv, please forgive any inaccuracies.

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics. Please read with care.

Exam

Lena

I look at Stef and she confirms Callie is asleep, which we are both grateful for. Callie had been so brave but we could tell she wasn't going to be able to continue. It had surprised me when she had told Stef she had enough. I was so glad she had, I don't want to break her or cause her any more trauma.

Lisa moves to remove Callie's socks from her feet, but something about that bothers me so I wave her off. Callie shifts a little, when I lift her leg to remove her sock. Stef is able to settle her down, which gives me a chance to prepare myself to what I might see. I am nervous because of what Jude said this morning, about her feet getting hurt.

I never have looked closely at Callie feet, she keeps socks on around the house most of the time. Nothing that I can remember stood out to me when she went barefooted. Marianna had one time asked Callie if she wanted to paint her toes nails with her trying to get Callie to sit and talk or within the case of sitting with Marianna mostly listening.

Callie had shaken her head. When Marianna had tried to insist Callie had fixed her with a serious look and said "No Thanks" in a low voice. Marianna had gotten the hint she didn't want it done, but had sat down next to Callie and Jude. She started talking as she had painted hers. Jude had done most of the interaction with her but Callie had sat there patiently until Marianna finished and went up to call Lexi. At the time I thought Callie was trying to get along with Marianna but it just wasn't her thing.

I take her sock off but don't see anything wrong with her foot until I look at the bottoms of it. I had to close my eyes and take a deep to keep the tears from spilling out of them from what I see

"What is it Love?" Stef asks in a hushed voice so she doesn't disturb Callie, she had watched me intently from her spot holding Callie on the exam bed. I just shake my head, I don't think I can talk right now and not cry. So I give her the wait signal as Karen moves over next to me from her spot next to the counter.

She gives my arm a comforting pat, before she puts on another pair of gloves. When she takes Callie's foot from me she gives my hand a calming squeeze leaving it on top of mine a moment before she starts to look at it.

I don't look at Stef, because I know I will starting crying. When I am steady enough I remove Callie's other sock, which looks more of the same as her other one.

"Love?" Stef asks in a more forceful hushed voice.

I walked up to the side of the bed and place my forehead on Stef's and take her hand within mine; I just need to touch her and reconnect.

"Someone beaten the bottoms of her feet, they are scarred very badly" I tell her in a hushed voice as I plant a kiss on her forehead, leaving it there for a moment. When I pull back I see the fire back in Stef's eyes, I squeeze her hand to try to remind her to be calm even if Callie is asleep.

I am trying to gather the strength I need. It as been a long two days. Both of us had known Callie had taken the brunt of the trouble while they was in foster care, but knowing and seeing the damage is two different things. No wonder the poor girl was so emotionally messed up, her body isn't the only place she bears her scars.

I help Lisa put a sheet across the bottom of Callie as Karen moves her legs into the stirrups. When Karen moves Callie's left leg to get it in place Callie groans like she doesn't like it but she doesn't open her eyes.

"Shhh Baby, you're ok" I tell her as I take her hand, turning my back to Karen looking Stef in her eyes. I don't know if Callie can hear me or not but if she can I don't want her to think she is alone.

Karen must have gave Stef a questioning look to see if we was ready for her to continue. Stef glance over at her and gives her a slight nod before she looks back and holds my eyes. I can tell she is upset and wants to ignore what Karen as to do as much as I do.

"Baby it's ok, I love you"

Stef gives me a sad reassuring smirk and says "Love, Love you too"

We get silent a moment until I hear packages being open and I want to ignore it. "She tried so hard, I was so scared it was going to get too much for her and she would try to hold on until she broke"

"My Brave tough little girl" Stef says as she plants a kiss on the side of Callie head. "I thought we were going to have to drag her out of the car, and then chase her when she bolted. But you worked your magic on her" Stef says with a smirk she is trying to put distance between us and what Karen is doing, I let her.

"She just doesn't know how to deal with anything right now. Jude said she runs when she is very scared, she just needs guidance in remembering what is expected out of her. It is clear that she can't be left with her thoughts for very long." I say

Stef nods her agreement and starts to speak when Karen clears her throat to get our attention as she places Callie legs back on the table and out of the stirrups.

"Finished, I know both of you want to talk, why don't do it in there?" She says as she motions over to a connecting door "We can leave the door open, but I think she is going to be fine right here"

We both nod our understanding.

I help Stef carefully move Callie, for her to get out from holding her. It takes Stef a moment to get her legs back; she had been in that position for close to two hours. When Callie goes to curl up in a ball I quickly grab a pillow and place it between her knees, to take the pressure off. Callie doesn't wake up, just pulls in tighter to herself.

Stef grabs my hand and we walk into the adjoin exam room.

Stef and I are both to key up to take a seat, so I lean against the counter. Stef is slightly bouncing from foot to foot. She is almost in the door way so she can watch Callie, I squeeze her hand to her reassure her that Callie was fine for now. When Karen looks at me I give her a nod, we are ready for her to talk to us.

Karen starts talking "First currently medically most of the cuts are superficial and just need cleaned, triple antibiotic cream some of them have already started to heal. The ones I am concerned about are ones on her breast and on her left inner thigh. I have placed Steri strips on several of the cuts on her thigh; don't get them wet for 24-hours. Towel covered ice for swelling as need. Keep the area clean. I think the cuts on her breast will be 3 or 4 days and they should be better. The ones on her thigh will be a little longer as they were deeper and more involved, the strips will fall off as the cuts heal. Ice for her knuckles, keep the ibuprofen going for the next couple of days and then as she needs it. She is going to be very loopy tonight and probably feel hung-over when the Diazepam wears off."

We nod our understanding.

I know Karen well enough to know she is upset about what she needs to talk to us about next.

She takes a deep breath and continues "I agree with Dr. Kodema's assessment and want to keep her on the Paxil but make it twice a day. It is imperative that she keeps her therapy appointments and follows the safe plan that you have put in place. I think we also need to put her on a sleep aid to get her in deep enough sleep to try to get her sleep patterns under control. That is what goes to Bill and in her file"

We nod again understanding what she is saying

"Now for what will not" she takes a deep breath trying to get her thoughts together. One of the reasons we clicked is she is very astute in her thoughts. One of the reasons I trusted her with taking care of Callie.

"Head to toe I haven't seen someone this scarred since I came back from overseas. In my opinion I am pretty sure she as been tortured including sexually. From the scars I would say it was several different times... Based upon the condition of the brand I would say it was done four to six years ago"

My Baby could have only been nine when this happen, younger than Jude is now. This brings tears to my eyes as I try to process this.

Karen lets this sink in for a moment before she continues.

"I know this is a lot to take in, as your friend I need to tell both of you that her issues will not be fixed overnight and in some ways she will always be a product of her past. Not that it should dictate her future but it's going to be a hard fight. Are both of you ready to take this on?"

Stef

"Yes, we have already talked to Bill about adopting both her and Jude" I say speaking for both of us. Lena is still trying to process what Karen as just told us, me I will deal with it later.

"They are ours…they are more than their past" Lena says as I finish, I nod my agreement with her.

"Ok, I would feel the same way, I think the more we keep out of her file the easier it will be for the paperwork to get through the system. I will make my first report to Bill. I will help any way I can; I need to see her back for a follow-up on Monday. Is two ok?" She asks

We both nod.

"This is more Dr. Kodema expertise, but I am very hopeful that she with both of your help will be able to pull out of this in the long-term. I didn't notice it at the BBQ a couple of weeks of go but she now formed a very solid bond with both of you. It was clear when she trusted you Lena to help me with the exam and when she told you Stef that she couldn't do the rest of the exam…I need to caution both of you that she is in a highly vulnerable state, and stuff she has buried is going to surface and not always the way we would want them to…patience, reassurance and acceptance of her feelings is what is going to help, meds can only do so much" Karen says

We nod our agreement

"She has an appointment with Dr. Kodema tomorrow, see how Callie does this weekend and with my follow-up on Monday we should be able to sit down, late next week and put a more solid plan in place. If you need me before Monday, do not hesitate to call me day or night...I know you probably will have five hundred questions but are they any I can answer right now?" She asks as she finishes.

A/N: Thank you Lacorra for the edit and making it all flow, you are the best.


	18. Butyouknow

A/N

Thank you for reading, reviewing and the PMs :)

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics. Please read with care.

But…you…know

Stef

We thank Karen for all of her help and a promise to call if we need her. She lets us know that we can use the room as long as we need and goes to her next appointment. Lena takes the time get some fresh air and makes phone calls; I stay with Callie and try to process this afternoon and what Karen has told us.

I can't seem to be able to turn my "Cop" off in my head. I had suspected abuse even sexually but when Karen said torture, it took it to another level. When she said several times in her opinion was it one person or several? Karen had said it was four to six years ago it shouldn't be hard to request her full file from Bill once we get full custody of her.

I think Karen is right we need to keep this out of her file and keep things quite for as long as we can. I don't trust the state they are the one who had been supposed to be taking care of these kids and had failed them terribly.

When Lena comes back in she comes straight into my arms for a hug.

"Hey Love, Better?" I whisper in her ear.

She nods her head and whispers back "Breathe and together" and hugs me tighter for a few moments. When she pulls back her eyes are much better then when she left, we agree we are ready.

Lena goes to pull the car around to the back entrance, while I stay to get Callie ready to be moved. Lisa comes in with Callie's sleep meds which I put in my pocket when she hands the bottle to me.

"Sweets, we need to get you up" I say to Callie as I try to get her sitting up right. When I get her upright, she can't keep her head up and places her head on my shoulder.

She gets her eyes half way open but still unfocused, I smile at her, trying to get her to interact with me

"Hey Sweets" I whisper. When the tears start rolling down her checks I hug her tighter to me "Shhhhh its ok you're safe" I tell her

"Me Bad" she mumbles to me

I begin to rock her in my arms "No Sweets you are not bad."

Lena comes through the door, Callie calls out in a loud whisper "Please…don't be mad" as she tries to lift herself up but only manages to barely get her head up of my shoulder.

"I am not mad Baby…We love you" Lena tells her as she comes over to the other side of Callie plants a kiss to her forehead for a moment then gets her in a side hug around her waist to help me get her to the car. It is slow going between us not wanting to hurt her and her being practically dead weight between us.

We get to the car and Lena slides in with Callie because she has her shirt in a death grip and her head keeps going to lie on Lena's shoulder.

"Callie, how are you doing?" Lena asks once they were settled. Callie slightly shakes her head and cuddles into Lena more, falling back asleep.

It is obvious when we get home that I am going to have to carry Callie into the house, she only mummers when I get her up in my arms. Once Lena gets us into the house she goes to the kitchen for supplies. Halfway up the stairs Callie begins to stir and tears start coming. I am able to make it upstairs and lay her in our bed before she is awake enough to talk to me.

"Sweets it is ok, all done"

Callie is now sobbing at this point "I'm sorry" she manages to get out.

"Nothing to be sorry about, why do you think you should be sorry?" I ask as I start pushing hair off her forehead, getting in beside her.

"Because I'm bad" she says chokes out

I look her straight in the eye "You are not bad"

"I didn't want to be bad" She cries an emotional cry

"Please Baby never ever think you are bad, we know none of it is your fault." I tell her a little more forceful. As I try to wipe the tears coming down her cheeks with my thumb.

Lena walks in and gives me a questionable look, to which I give her it is ok look. I was not pushing, just reassuring her.

"Hey Baby what's wrong?" Lena asks with a concern look, as she slides on the other side of Callie. This is all it took for Callie to break down sobbing and diving into Lena's arms. I slide in behind her a keep playing with her hair, for several minutes until she as almost got her breathing under control.

"You was very brave today Sweets, we are very proud of you" I whisper to her

Lena helps her drink from a bottle of water forcing her to calm down a little more and I push her hair behind her ear.

I give her a smile, trying to get her to look at me. When she doesn't I take her chin in my hand and move it toward me. Her bottom lip is trembling and her eyes are glossy; the pupils are dilated to size of nickels and very watery.

"You Ok Sweets?" I ask her knowing that she is medicated, but want her to talk to me. She slightly shrugs and looks down.

"Feeling funny?" Lena asks

Callie slightly nods her head "World is spinning" she mumbles

"That's the meds making the world spin Sweets, it will wear off soon" I tell her which she nods and reaches up to play with Lena's hair.

"Soft curls" she says with a smirk as she twirls Lena's locks.

Lean looks down and smiles at Callie who continues in a few moments "Mommy had them"

"She did?" Lena whispers.

Callie gives her a nod, and cuddles more into Lena.

We sit like that a few minutes when Callie blurts out "Socks...need socks" as she drunkenly tries to get up.

"I will get them Sweets stay here" I tell her as I push her back down into Lena and get up to go find her a pair of socks.

I come back with a pair of socks and lotion, I give Lena the please don't get mad at me look.

Callie spots the socks she tries to get up and reach for them but her arms are still heavy, Lena easily guides her back down.

"Got them, and look what I found" I say holding up Lena's coconut lotion

Callie keeps her eyes on me and tries to hide her feet, when I sit at the bottom of the bed.

Lena has figured out what I want to do, she smiles and says "For me and my girl?" uncrossing her ankles and wiggling her feet at me.

"Yup" I nod my head smiling as I open the bottle and squeeze some lotion in my hands.

Callie smirks when I laugh at Lena when she wiggles her feet again in anticipation. I exaggerate warming the lotion up in my hands in response.

I rub the lotion into Lena's feet, tickling them a few times to make Lena laugh, wiggle and giggle. Callie relaxes back into Lena, keeping a watchful eye on me. She follows our light tone and smirks at our playfulness.

When it comes time for Callie's feet, I can tell she is hesitant. She is medicated enough that it was a fleeting thought and she slides her feet down toward me. I don't want to spook her so I start rubbing in the lotion at her ankles then to the top of her feet.

She is relaxed but watchful until the first time I swipe the bottom of her foot. She tenses a little and slightly pulls her foot back. "Easy…Just lotion Callie Girl" I tell her and keep rubbing the lotion, moving my hands up to the tops of her foot. She again relaxes into her watchful slumber into Lena, I continue rubbing the lotion in doing the bottoms of them only occasionally.

When I am about done with this foot, I glance at Lena and Callie both are very relaxed cuddled up together.

"Is someone ticklish?" I ask with a grin, threatening to tickle her foot with a handful of lotion.

"Nope" Callie says as she laughs and tries to move her foot from me.

"Not so fast little one" I say and swipe the whole bottom of her foot with the handful of lotion, to which Callie laughs at.

"Sweets, what made these marks on your feet?" I ask and Callie tenses up in Lena arms.

"Switch" Callie answers in a mumble out after several moments.

"That must have hurt" I say softly to her

Callie nods with tears in her eyes and she starts biting at her bottom lip.

In a moment she whispers "Hurt…Bad" as she goes more into Lena, who pulls her closer. I put her socks on her feet and move up to snuggle in behind her placing my chin on her shoulder.

After a few moment she whispers with hitched breathing "Me Bad…he told me never to leave…had to find JJ" she closes her eyes and that forces more tears out of her eyes making the tear tracks going done her cheeks even bigger. She moves to get her arm out from behind Lena and starts rubbing her nose, it is obvious that she is done talking.

"It's ok Callie Girl, we don't have to talk about it anymore but I need you to listen. Ok?" I get a slight nod from her then continue. "You are not bad… Nothing, Nothing you could have done justifies what he did…You are safe here, nothing like that is ever going to happen in this house, understand?" When I get a slight nod from her I plant a kiss on her the side of her forehead and whisper "You are safe, we love you" as I pull back and settle in to my pillow but leave my arm around my girls.

When I wake I find Callie still asleep but Lena is awake and staring off into space thinking. I can tell when we need to talk. "Hey Love, penny for your thoughts" I whisper

Lena looks at me with a sad look and whispers "So much pain...her and Jude...Can we do this?"

I nod "Yes Love of course we can together…we are all they have." We have been together long enough for us to talk shorthand. Lena is worried we are not what they need, to which my answer reassured her that we are exactly what they need, we care. She accepts my answer with a nod and leans over top of Callie head for a kiss, which I gladly return.

We settle into the calm until I feel Callie start to stir, it takes her a few moments but when she gets about half way consciousness she starts getting up off the bed pushing off of Lena.

"You're safe Sweets" I tell her as we try to keep her from bolting. Callie keeps trying to get up; I roll her into my arms, hoping I don't hurt her chest because she ends up on her stomach. I start trying to sooth her, wiping her hair back out of her face.

Lena pulls up the sheet over our heads and says "It is ok Hun we are hidden we don't need to run" As she starts making circles on Callie back with her fingertips.

I look over at Lena she give me the, I don't know but it works look. She is correct in about a minute Callie quits trying to get up and in about another minute Callie gets her breathing under control and is more awake but her eyes are still watery. I can see Callie is not as medicated but she isn't full sober.

"It's ok Baby, same dream?" Lena asks.

"Smothering" Callie whispers as she nods. When she says this I loosen my hug on her, but she hugs me tighter. "Safe" she whispers.

"Yes, Baby you are safe" I tell her and place a kiss on you her forehead. Lena and I share a smile when she says this.

Lena pulls the sheet back down off of us, pats Callie back and "I will be right back Hun" she leaves the room.

Callie goes very still she starts to speak several times but stops and I can tell that she is trying to reconcile her thoughts.

"Don't think so hard Sweets, just talk and we will figure it out together" I quietly tell her.

It takes her several moments then she stutters out "You didn't leave"

"Of course not, we told you we were going to stay with you…"

"But…you…know" Callie breaks into sobs and turns herself into a ball away from me before I can stop her.

A/N: Thank you Lacorra for the edit and making it all flow, you are the best.


	19. Overwhelmed

A/N

Thank you for reading, reviewing and the PMs

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics. Please read with care.

Overwhelmed

Lena

Callie seemed to be calming down, so I decided it was time to get dinner started. As I started the chicken baking in the oven, the other kids came through the door. I look up the all the older kids have gathered around the table, talking about their day. I hear Jude's little feet take the stairs two at time, going to check Callie no doubt. I kiss each of the kids and do a quick check in and then head up stairs.

I open the door to find Stef trying to sooth Callie, who is hiding in a tight ball facing away from Stef with her hands intertwined behind her head, her elbows to her knees. Callie is crying with hitch breath and slightly rocking herself.

"Callie, Callie I need you to breathe…Its ok, no reason to hide come on turn over and talk to me" Stef is trying desperately to reach

Jude ran past me as I came in and headed down the stairs. Stef and I make eye contact, it is decided that Stef is fine with Callie and for me go get Jude. I turn to head out I hear Jude coming back up the stairs at a run. He busts in the room with an ice pack and a couple of juices, which he sits on the table before goes into our bath room.

Stef and I both are confused by this but as with most things the last couple of days we decide to go with it and turn our attention back to Callie.

Jude comes out with a wet wash cloth and grabs the trash can walking toward the bed. In a soft calm voice he says "Cal it is ok…everything is fine" he goes to place the ice on her neck "this is going to be a little cold" he warns.

When it hits Callie neck she jerks out of her ball, taking in a deep breath. She brings her hands around trying to grab the ice pack off her neck. Jude however will not let go, I see what he is doing and take over holding it on Callie's neck. Stef grabs Callie's hands when she let go of her head and moves her until she is open more. Jude grabs the wash cloth and starts wiping the tears from Callie's face saying "There you go, all good, breathe…breath in and out"

It takes a few moments but Callie weakly focuses on Jude, and starts to control her breathing a little better. He nods his head at me to take the ice pack off her neck and he motions with his head to the juice.

"Cal, Lena has some juice for you, can you drink it?" He asks softly. When she doesn't acknowledge what he asked her. He gets closer to her and looks in her eyes. "It's ok…I need you to drink some juice"

I move closer with the juice "Baby, here is the juice" I am glad there is a straw with these juice pouches or I would have made a mess trying to get Callie to drink it. When she finally does take a sip, it is small I leave the straw on her lips. "A little more please." I urge her.

For the first time since I came in the room she glances up at me, her eyes are unfocused and scared. She takes a more appropriate amount of juice this sip and pulls her arm from Stef's grasp and with shaky hands softly tries to hold the juice with me.

Stef scoots back a little in the bed she asks "Jude you want to join us?" to which Jude gives her a nod. Callie weakly tries to move forward to put Jude in between her and Stef but, Stef pulls her back with her. Jude crawls in next with Callie on my side of the bed and snuggles up into Callie. She tries to snuggle with him but I can tell she is scared and still shaken.

I don't want to embarrass her by crowding and I am sure that the other kids need some reassurance after all the commotion the last few days. I give Stef a I love you and let me know if you need me look and turn and head down stairs to finish dinner and hang out and help with homework with the other kids.

Stef

Callie just sits in the middle between Jude and I, staring down at the bed. She will try to sip her juice if I urge her. I can still feel her shaking and her breaths are hitching every few breaths. I put my arms around her shoulders and reach for Jude patting him on the head. He looks across Callie to me and smiles before kisses her check and then he laid his head down on her shoulder.

When Callie finally gets finished with her juice I take it from her and lace her fingers within mine. She hesitantly places her head on my shoulder and I start playing with her hair on her forehead. I don't want to break the calm but I feel like I need to say something, so she isn't in her head right by herself.

I whisper to her "Sweets, please listen to me I don't want you to worry about anything but you getting better. I know today has been hard but you did so good…Momma and I love you no matter what as happen or will happen. We will take care of you and Jude just like we take care of B and the Twins. We just want you better…Its ok, we can talk or not it's up to you but when you are ready Momma or me will listen until then we are ok with you trusting us." When I look down she has silent tears coming out of her shut eyes. I know she heard me because she squeezes my hand and holds on to it tightly.

I don't think she ever went to sleep it was more of a slumber, but I am ok with this as long as she isn't trying to hurt herself or in full meltdown mode. She still tries to get her hand from me every now and again but I don't let go.

It is obvious that Callie isn't going to talk to me so I sit there with my thoughts. Even if I don't voice my concern to Lena, I am worried that we are not enough for Callie. Not that I would ever give up on the girl, I just need to figure out a backup plan if we need one for her.

I look past Callie and Jude is still awake but very comfortable in snuggle up against Callie. I reach down and start moving his hair back toward his ear, trying to reassure him. This kid stole my heart again when he looked up at me and gave me a loving smile. Like he need to make sure I was ok, here, even if I was the adult

This must not have been the first time Callie has had been like that, because he was so calm and knew exactly what to do to get her to respond the way we need her to. It is a shame that both of these kids had been through so much. I am ashamed to think it but just like I wondered about Callie personality when she was medicated at the doctor's office, I think about Jude stepping up and if we would have seen this side of him if Callie wasn't the way she is right now.

I find myself making the same oath I did yesterday morning but this time were it concerned Jude, I was never going to fail him again. I am concerned though if we have to get inpatient help for Callie because that is what is best for her, than what does that do to Jude?

Callie is his safety net, I have seen her body so I know the lengths she will go to make sure he is protected and they are together. I really hope that it doesn't come down to that because I don't think Callie will ever trust us again, we promised we would keep them together. Even a temporary separation could break her. I think back to Karen's warning about how fragile the bond we have with Callie is right now, but it's a bond and if we broke it…Damn it I don't know

"Baby dinner is ready, what would you like to do?" Lena asks in a low tone from the side of the bed.

Jude turns his head from Lena to me, with a concerned look on his face. He is back to being the Buddy not the "OldMan" that he was earlier. He doesn't want to leave Callie, and is afraid we are going to force him to.

I look at Lena and she is thinking the same I am what is best for him? I don't know how we are ever going to prove ourselves except to show him, really both that we are going to be there for both of them. I give Lena a nod I need to really check in with Callie.

"Come on Buddy time for dinner, then do your chores and if Callie is still ok then you can bring your homework in here and we will help you with it ok?" Lena says as she wraps her arm around his shoulder.

I know it is not what he wants to hear. He is usually very easy to parent, which says volumes about how Callie as managed to raise him this far.

"She is fine Little Man, remember one team. I will be right here with her." I say to him.

He mulls it over for a few moments "Ok, but I don't have homework, but I can be real quiet and read my book can I still come back?"

"Yes" I reply

Lena nods her head and reaches to help him off the bed, he lifts up and gives Callie a kiss on the cheek. "I will be right back Cals, you stay with Stef" She tells her when she tried to grip him tighter when he started moving. Jude runs out the door and down the steps.

"Baby I will bring some dinner up to both of you as soon as we get done if that's ok?" Lena asks, to which I nod. She gets closer to Callie looking in her eyes and then gives Callie a kiss on the forehead. "I love you" she tells her Callie tries to focus on her and gives her a slight nod. Lena gives me she is fragile and tread lightly please look, as she hears the twins start fighting and needs to go play referee down stairs.

When I look at Callie her eyes are unfocused and very watery. Even if she will not look at me I can see her eyes are telling me she is confused and scared but she is not shaking and her breathing is back to normal.

I pull her into a tighter hug "Sweets it is ok, are you still feeling funny?" I ask her in a soft voice.

Callie nods her head, and keeps her eyes down on the bed.

I slide out of the bed and stand up "Up?" I ask her and reach out to help her up. She is a little unsteady on her feet but we make it to the bathroom without too much trouble.

"Can you do this?" I ask Callie when we get close to the toilet, to which she gives me a nod. I make sure you she is steady and then turn to go wash my face.

"uuhh Stef?" I hear a sacred Callie say is a hesitant voice.

"Yes Sweets?" I ask as I turn and walk over to her, making sure I keep my eyes on tear filled ones.

She doesn't say anything and looks down to the floor "What's wrong?" I ask going to her

She is trying hard to not to cry but the tears have already started rolling down her eyes. I take her chin in my hand and try to wipe the tears away with my thumb.

"Dizzy" she mumbles

"Ok, no problem" I tell her as I steady her and lead her back to the bed room. I lead us to the chair, sitting us down cradling her in my arms and placed her head on my shoulder. I remind myself to stay calm including my body language and tread lightly this is not the normal Callie.

It is getting dark outside but I wait to turn on the lamp finding that sometimes it is easier to talk in the dark and she with her in my lap she can look away from me. Maybe this will be what she needs to help her talk to me.

"Better?" I get a slight nod from her.

"You ok?" I get a shrug; there is more to her answer, so I rub her arm up and down trying to reassure her. "Words, Sweets" I whisper to her.

"Sore" She admits quietly.

"Dr. Karen said you would be, your meds have to be taken with food so at dinner ok.?" I get a small nod from her, we sit there a few minutes and I can feel her start getting upset over whatever she has going on in her mind.

"Just talk Babe?" I whisper as I bring her into to me tighter and put her hair behind her ear. She starts sobbing and tries to get out of my arms.

"Easy Sweets…Listen; Momma and I love you no matter what. You are safe. We are going to get through this, one team remember? We need to concentrate on getting you better." I tell her.

She finally puts her head back down on my shoulder, but she is still letting the tears fall.

I hold her like this until Lena comes in with a tray "I hope you are hungry" we make eye contact the other kids are fine and by the look on her face the break did her good. Callie is ok she is just overwhelmed I let my eyes tell Lena.

"Meds first Sweets? I ask Callie and move her up and over to the bed.

Lena had brought us a plate with sandwich cut in quarters, carrots sticks; couple of waters and a glass of juice for Callie.

Callie takes her meds with the juice and nibbles on her food as Lena and I sit on each side of her. We are watching but try not to crowd her, she is overwhelmed and is done way before we wanted her to be. She's just shutting down.

"Callie girl one more pill to help you sleep" I hand her sleeping pill, she needs a full night sleep.

Jude knocks on the door and comes in with his book.

"JJBear" Callie gives him a slight smile and moves closer to me so that Jude can get in the bed between us.

"Cals, I missed ya today" Jude says as he jumps in and gives her a huge hug which she returns the best she can.

"Can I read with you?" He asks as he settles into the middle of Lena and Callie.

When he starts to read and we are all settled. Lena and I look over the kid's heads and smile at each other. We both know there is nowhere else we would want to be, all the doubts are forgotten.

Both kids are asleep within a half of hour, I would leave Jude in here to sleep with us but I am unsure what kind of night we are going to have with Callie. So I pick him up and carry him to his bed, when I lay him down to tuck him in he stirs and mummers "One team" with a smile on his face.

A/N: Thank you Lacorra for the edit and making it all flow


	20. Some Love and Some Answers

AN: Thanks for reading and reviewing…It makes me want to keep writing.

Some Love and Some Answers

Lena

When Stef had picked up Jude to take him to bed Callie had awoken and had went into a relaxed state against me. I can tell Callie is tired, but her sleeping pills haven't started to kick in yet, the perfect time to for some love and answers.

"How are you doing Baby?" I whisper, giving her a kiss to the side of Callie's head.

It takes Callie a minute and a squeeze from me but she quietly says "Sore…tired"

"You need anything?"

Callie shakes her head but I can tell she wanted to say something. "What is it Hun?"

"Thirsty" Callie says

"Ok, let's sit up a little…here is your water" I get her to sit up enough to get drink a little water. The movement must have awoken Callie a little more because when I hand her the water bottle she takes and is able to hold it to drink it by herself.

Callie gives me a nod and scoot closer to me. "I love you…Today was hard huh?"

"I am very proud of you, you kept your promise and you were very brave" I whisper into her ear. When I look I can see a few tears have escaped down her checks. I bring her in tighter. "Are the bad thoughts still spinning?"

She gives me a nod and mumbles "Not bad yet…I'm off…why?…I don't cry" she squeaks out.

I need to tread lightly here I think to myself "Well Baby, your thoughts are still confused and jumbled and your emotions are going to reflect that. When we can get them UN-jumbled than it will be easier for you…I talked with Dr Kodema, and she is looking forward to talking to you tomorrow morning and get you started on getting better."

She mulls this over a few minutes, but her meds are kicking in and she is barely able to keep her eyes open.

"Baby we will talk more tomorrow, let's let you go to sleep" I scoot us down in the bed. She automatic snuggles into me tightly "No worries, I am right here." I promise her as I plant a kiss on top of her head.

She as drifted off to sleep and I'm almost asleep when Stef comes in and gives me a good night kiss. She tells me the other kids are all in bed and almost asleep and she will be right back as she heads off to the bathroom.

The next thing I know Callie is screaming and thrashing about in the bed, I move to comfort her. She flings her arms out and catches me in the nose, making my eyes water, which makes me stop a moment.

When Callie is able to get untangled from the sheets she darts out of the bed, she must have gotten confused because she goes into the bathroom instead of out the bedroom door. By the time I get in there she is trying to find her way out. Stef is at the mirror with a shocked look on her face for a moment.

Callie sees the bath that Stef has drawn for herself and immediately stops, puts up her hands and shoves at Stef and yells "Not the bath, not the bath" As tries to go back out the door, but bumps into me. She is wild-eyed and very agitated. I don't get a good enough hold on her and she is able to slip out. Making a dart across the around the room. Stef and I share a confused look at one another.

Callie has now made her way over to the laundry room still trying to find a way out. Stef recovers and moves toward Callie who as by now climbed up on the dryer trying to find a way out and is getting very frustrated.

"No Callie, you will get hurt up there" I tell her as I try to calmly talk to her I see that she is still in a confused state and is very scared. When that doesn't work I use my principle voice and tell her "Callie GET DOWN NOW."

This must have registered with her because she stopped trying to get out and in a moment she squats down and slides down the front of the dryer sitting on the floor and started rocking herself. Before Callie can second guess her move Stef is on her and puts her in a hug and starts rocking with her.

"Its ok, Its ok" Stef tells her and lets her calm down some more.

I go and let the water out of the tub. "See Baby no bath, bath is gone" I say soothing

"Callie why did you think we would put you in the bath?" Stef asks

"Punishment" Callie mumbles

"Come on let's get you back to bed"Stef says softly as she goes to help her up, they stop and look at me.

"Love, are you ok?" Stef asks as she let's go of Callie with one of her arms and brings her hand up toward my face.

"Yes, it is nothing" I tell her, even though the scratch is stinging. I really wish that Stef hadn't said anything.

Callie has moved back from Stef with a frightened look on her face and starts sobbing "I am sorry, me bad, I am sorry." She keeps repeating, as she starts backing up from us. When she hits the wall she slides down and covers her head with her arms, bringing herself into a ball.

Stef and I look at each other, we don't know who would be better for her right now. Stef starts to move forward, I reach out and pat her forearm to let her know I will do it. Callie seemed to go in tighter ball last time Stef tried to get her to talk to her.

"Shhhh…You are safe here. Hun, it was an accident,...I'm not hurt, it's a scratch" I say staying as low as I could. I am trying to talk in a steady voice. "No more hiding remember, take your arm down, let me see you" as I reach over and place a hand on her forearm and she tenses up for a moment.

She is resistant for a moment but let me help her move it down a little. "See, it's nothing" I bend down further in her line of sight so that she could see it was nothing but a scratch. When I look in her eyes I can tell she is scared and tears are pouring out of them.

"I'm sorry" she says between hitched breaths.

"It nothing" I assure her

When she does glance at me, I smile at her "I love you..Let's go to bed" as I reach my hand out to help her up. She hesitantly takes it and I interlock our fingers. When she stands up she sways and I reach out and bring an arm around her and Stef steps up and gets her other side.

"Dizzy" She mumbles and shuts her eyes. We stand there a few minutes waiting for her to get her equilibrium back.

"Better?" Stef asks, when Callie shakes her head. Stef moves to pick her up.

"No" Callie says in a weak voice and tries to push Stef's hands away, clinging to me.

I can tell her meds are kicking in and she really doesn't know what she wants. I give Stef a nod, she needs to carry her. I don't think she is steady enough in this small space for us to keep her on her feet and not hurt something.

"Baby, I want to hold you, let Mom carry you then I can hold you" I tell her as Stef picks her up, and cradles her in her arms, Callie placing her head on Stef's shoulder but not letting go of my hand.

When we make it to the room, Stef looks over at me and motions to the chair. I nod and we go over to the chair. Once I am sitting Stef puts Callie down in my lap and she snuggles up into my arms, running her fingers through my hair. It has been a long time since I have held a baby at night like this. It reminds me of all the nights I sat up with Marinna when she was going through her adjustment period.

I smile at Stef and whisper "Been awhile"

Stef smiles at me and says "Yeah, it never gets old seeing you like this with one of our babies."

"I'm not a baby" Callie mumbles out in a tired pouty voice. Stef and I try not to laugh at her declaration considering situation.

To get Stef out the door before she could get in trouble "You probably should go check on our baby, he has a habit of worrying about this one." I tell her

When Stef is gone I feel Callie relax a little more into me.

"Hun, was it the same dream?" I ask her in a hushed voice

When she doesn't answer me, I give her a kiss to the top of her head and start rocking us a little. I hold her just a bit tighter hoping that would reassure her enough to talk to me.

Just when I think she isn't going to answer me she quietly says "I shouldn't have talked about how my feet got marked"

"Was that what your dream was about?" I ask

She nods and I can feel her start to shake.

"But instead of putting my knees in the chair, I woke up and ran, trying to hide. And then I saw the bath and I thought…" She spits out before she buries herself in my neck, I can feel the wetness of her silent tears and she is shaking hard.

"You thought what Baby?" I softly ask

"I thought I was going to get punished again because you know I was bad" she whispers into my neck between hitched breaths.

I wait for her to say more but only get silence tears; she is shaking and trying to smooth herself by rocking a little. I can tell she isn't going to say anything else. I check to find her hands, I have her hand intertwined in mine and she is clutching my shirt tightly.

"You are not bad…I am so sorry that happened, you must have been so scared. You are not going to be punished for anything that has happened. You are safe now and we are not going to let anything happen to you." I whisper to her in a forceful voice that I hope reassure her that she is safe. "Shh we will talk more tomorrow, relax…just let go and go to sleep…I am right here I got you."

A/N: Thank you Lacorra for the edit.


	21. More Answers

A/N

Thank you for reading and reviewing.

I am nervous about this one...Hope you like.

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics. Child abuse in this chapter please read with care.

More Answers

Callie

I am back in his house, its summer break, no school. I don't have any refuge, not that I like going to school and having to deal with all the stares and whispers from not only the kids but the adults too. In some ways it is easier that I don't have to go and try to put on my mask for them. Instead I am coupe up in this house, worrying about what is coming next all the time without a break.

I haven't spoken to anyone one but Jude in over three weeks and no one has noticed. I can get away with shrugs or grunts but most of the time no one is looking for any kind of answer from me. With Jude we whisper at night when no one can hear us, so we talk with our eyes during the day. Jude knows the rules; he has learned well through my mistakes.

Helen ignores me unless it's to yell at me, I can hear her voice "Stupppid GirLL, Commeeeeee herrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeee" she would shriek from wherever in the house she happened to be when it hit her that she wanted me to do something else or that I should have already done something whatever it was even though I didn't know to do it. It was best just to act stupid, eyes to the ground and then go do whatever she was mad about.

He had lost another job, so he spends his time either at the bar down the street if it is open or in the living room, on the couch drinking. The bartender at the bar had already cut him off his tab has gotten too high it was toward the end of the month and the state money has long been spent. So to get his drinks he either had to get one of the other bar flies to buy him another round or he spends the cash from the cans that I had been sent out to scrounge up out of the trash from around the neighborhood.

If he sent me out to get cans it was always with the Jude staying with him. He knows I will not run without Jude. I hate leaving Jude with him but I don't have any option, I kept telling myself that he is not into boys so Jude is relatively safe as long as do what I am told. I don't ever push our luck. I always bring back the amount he tells me within the time frame he gives me. I'm always back by 11 the bar opens at 11:30.

If I have had a good day, on can detail I can skim enough from the take to get Jude extra food, he always so hungry and there is never enough food to go around. If it's a nice night we sneak the food out back after everyone as went to sleep or in his case he has passed out. Jude loves to play the pretend game. It is our only escape from this house, our miserably existence we can play the game for hours but soon enough we have to go in a face the reality which is ours.

That day was different though he left after I had handed him his money, without so much as a smart comment or a smack for me. I searched the house for Jude even looking in all his hiding spots. I had to be careful and not wake Helen up or there would have been hell to pay. By the time I had search the house and yard twice I was willing to risk it. As I came in from the yard looking for Jude she was at the kitchen table smoking and drinking her coffee.

"Stupid GirLL, the coffee is cold" She spat out at me between puffs. I would have normally of thought maybe she should have gotten her fat ass out of bed before noon and the coffee which I made at before I went out to look for cans at seven it wouldn't have been cold for her. But I was about to panic, I had to find Jude. She must have seen the panic on my face because the next thing she said "He isn't here, he needs to earn his keep just like you. You need to get the dishes done after that you have the bathrooms to do too" When I don't move she gets up with the mean look on her face and grabs me by the arm throwing me toward the sink "Do I need to get the belt to remind you that my house, my rules?" I know better than to go up against her after last time, if he hadn't came home and made her stop by reminding her Bill was doing a home visit the next day I don't think she would have stopped. I only have snippets of memory of that night, none of them good.

I need to buy my time with her so I can find JJ, I do the dishes without comment.

When I am about done she starts in her whinny tone of hers "Stupid GirLL, you need to get my lunch to me in an hour, then the bathrooms need to be spotless, then normal house clean up, and have dinner on the tray for me by six and try not to burn down the house, I am going to save you from your stupidity. All the doors and windows are locked and the only key is right her" as she pats her pocket with her hand. "Be quiet when you bring me my trays, I don't want to miss what is going on in my soaps." She gets up to amble to the living room to get in front of the TV, where she will be for the rest of the day.

I need to think straight I got to find Jude, I don't know where they would let him go. I don't think something happened for Jude to follow the hide rule, because Helen is way to calm, no she knows where he is. Not that, that made me feel any better about the situation.

I have jammed the window in the basement. This is the way Jude and I do our fantasy trips out back at night, we have always been careful when we use it and put it back correctly so we don't get caught. I go and check it I can tell Jude didn't come this way, so that reinforces my thought that they had something to do with him not being here.

I do what is expected of me until after dinner, I had hoped that Jude would be home by now but he isn't. I wait until I can tell Helen is snoring in the lazy boy then go to the basement and sneak out, it is dark already. I keep telling myself that it is hard to be afraid of pretend monsters when you live with them in real life and move myself forward. I don't know where to look for him I just know I got to.

As I round the corner the house, a hand reaches out a grabs me by my arm. Jerking me off my feet and I am looking in some scary eyes.

"And where do you think you are going?" It is Him

FRACK, FRACK I am in trouble now, he is drunk and more than that he is pissed.

He picks me up and throws me against the door and yells for Helen to open the door.

When she opens the door he again picks me up and throws me through the doorway, me landing on the floor at Helen's feet.

"Can't keep you from yourself, Stupid Girl" she squeaks at me as he picks me up by my hair and throws me on against the wall.

"So you thought you would play hero and go save Mouse boy did you? He asks me with his face so close his nose is hitting mine.

He turns to Helen and tells her "Time to hobble this filly, go get the Willow"

When she goes up stairs to do as he ask he turns his attention back to me. His eyes are evil; he so close it is hard not to gag on his alcohol breath. I try to not look in his eyes but I have no choice. His hand starts roaming my body.

"I told you, you are mine. I have done nothing but treat you like a princess and then you want to run from me. You are going to wish you had not been so stupid and put him in front of me" he says menacingly

When Helen comes back down the stairs, with the Willow cane, she follows us as he throws me into the kitchen. He takes his belt off and even though I try to get out of the room he catches me, kicks me a couple of times in the stomach to distract me. I am trying to catch my breath and to breathe thru the pain; he can tie my wrist together with his belt.

When he lifts me up and starts to choke me he says "You really are stupid aren't you?... Go ahead kick off your shoes"

As I am kicking off my shoes he tells Helen to go move the dining room chair over to the counter, with its back slid against it.

When she has the chair in place, he throws me across the room "Knees in the chair" When I don't move, he runs the end of the belt through the upper cabinet handle. Between Helen pushing me and him pulling my wrist by the belt and by my hair, I have little choice but to but my knees in the chair.

"No,No I don't want to, please don't make me" I am screaming and can't breath

"ShhhhhhSHhhhhhh Baby you are safe…your safe" I feel arms around me, but I can't seem to come out of the fog, I am stuck in the kitchen with them. No matter how hard I fight I can't seem to be able to escape. I need to run and hide

"… You're safe…breathe for me…come on Baby…I need you to wake up for me" I can hear coming from somewhere.

"It hurrtssss Oo it hurts, No Moreeeee, No Morreeeee" I can hear myself scream and then I am in Stef's arms, we are both on the floor as she is trying to get me to breathe.

"Shhhhh Sweets I got you…you are safe" I hear her tell me.

The wet cloth that is swiped across my face, feels so good. I am burning up, the tears and the gasps of breath that I am having isn't helping me.

"In your nose out your mouth follow my breathing" Lena is telling me as I come out of my dream fog. I try to concentrate on following her.

"Sweets, it's ok you are in our room, you are safe…No one is going to hurt you" Stef is telling me.

"Good job Hun, better?" Lena asks I nod at her and try to get my tears and breathing under control.

"We need to get you into bed" Lena tells me in a few moments. She helps me stand up and Stef gets up behind me and wraps her arms around me.

Which is a good thing because when I stand up a can feel my feet burning and can't take but a step or two, before I cry out "Hurtttttttttssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss" when I can't stand it any longer but hobble to the bed falling and bringing myself into a ball.

"What hurts Baby?" Lena asks

"My feet" I mumble

"Was it the same dream?" She asks

I nod "He forced my knees into the chair…it hurt so bad" I mumble and bite my bottom lip which hurts enough that I can focus on it instead of my feet.

When I feel someone touch my ankle, I jump and try to move my foot more into me.

"It's ok, just me Sweets" Stef says

"Don't touch, it burns" I tell her trying not to sob.

"I just need to check" She smoothly tells me

"Its pretend pain" I mumble

"Pretend" Lena asks, I nod at her

"Would lotion make them better? Or some ice?" Stef asks

When I don't say nothing but try to concrete on the pain in my lip. I don't want to think about it anymore or what came afterwards.

"This might be cold Sweets" I hear Stef tell me and see that she has the lotion bottle out getting ready to squirt some in her hands to place on my feet.

I don't think I can handle them being touched right now "No, No don't touch them…it will pass give it a minute." I let them know. I try to find something to count, when I can't find anything. I move my hand up to my nose and start rubbing it with my finger and this gives me something to count.

I am so tired I feel being moved and snuggle into someone; I am not sure which one. It is Coco she smells so good and when I reach up to play with her hair I love her curls it gives me plenty of places to hide.

I feel Stef come up behind me and push my hair off my forehead and place it behind my ear.

"I love you" She whispers in my ear.

This is the last thing I remember before I let myself drift off to sleep.

A/N: Two updates in two days, sorry real life is calling. Probably will be the weekend before I can update again.

Thank you Lacorra for the edit.


	22. Jude's New Rules

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update, real life got in the way

Thanks for reading and reviewing

Jude's New Rules

Stef

It took Callie an hour to go to sleep and then another ten minutes for Lena to relax enough to drift off also. Lena is so worried about her and this is not easier for her. I don't know which is worse not knowing what is going on in Callie's head, or when Callie does talk. I do know that it apparently Lena's softness as gotten Callie to talk about some of her dreams. It amazes me how good she is with all the kids, especially when they are struggling.

Callie mummers a couple of times throughout the night but I am able to snuggle up to her and sooth her back into sleep.

I cut the alarm off before it can sound, I will let my girls sleep in. Good thing Lena had warned me about finding Jude in front of our door yesterday morning, I was prepared when I opened the door and he was there in the floor asleep. I get him up and moving to get ready for school.

I move on getting the other kids up, then I go down stairs to start the coffee and breakfast. The kids know that with me cooking on a school day it would normally be bagels. But seeing how we got time today I decide to let Jude pick what he wanted when he is the first one down. He just shrugs his answer until I tickle it out of him that he wants cheese eggs, bacon, and toast a boy after my own heart.

He even moved to break the eggs without me asking him to, which earns him a kiss to the forehead from me. He looks up at me with a huge grin on his face and his cheeks turn pink, he doesn't keep his eyes up to mine for long.

"How is school Buddy?" I ask

"Good, except Math" he answers quietly.

When a give him a question look, He continues with "Math is evil" which makes me smile before I can catch myself.

"Yeah I thought Math was evil too, but let's not tell Mom,OK?" I tell him which earns me another smile and a nod. We work in the quietness and get breakfast on the table without burning most it, just some toast got well a little too toasted.

Which earns Jude a high-five from Jesus, I do not think Jude's smile can get any bigger but it does when he sees Callie walk in with Lena.

"Here Cal we got you breakfast" he tells her as he gets the burnt toast for her and places the plate at her spot between him and me at the table. When I look at Jude to go switch out the burnt toast for a good piece he shakes his head at me, so I let it go.

Callie shuffles over to her spot, not looking up at anyone at the table. She sits down and I slide in besides her making sure my knee touches hers. Her leg tenses for a moment but then she releases it and let it touch. Jude takes his place on the other side of her. Lena comes by me giving me a drive by kiss and placed her hand on my shoulder to keep me in my place, she will make her tea.

"Good morning Callie Girl" I whisper to her as I place a kiss to her temple. Callie leans into it a little; I leave my lips there until she tilts her head away.

I try to not make my evaluation glances at Callie obvious but it is hard to get a good read on her, without being able to look at her eyes. I am sure Lena did not wake her, so she is down here dressed and trying. Callie's movements are very sluggish except her leg that has started to bounce. Her body language is that of a tired kid but she is trying to eat. I take some of this as positive signs, but she is not making much headway on her food, mostly moving it around. But she eats her toast; I need to file that away one kid that will eat my toasted toast.

The other kids and Lena carry on the conversation around the table and I try to take part but I am distracted, worrying about Callie. When Lena reaches over and pats my arm when she tries to pour me a warm up on my coffee it is then that I realize I have not only not eaten but haven't drank my coffee which is totally not normal for me.

Lena goes to put the coffee pot up, Callie doesn't even look up from her plate. She normally would not have sat down at the table without first getting herself a cup of coffee. I slide my cup over for her next to her plate she lifts her head slightly giving me a question glance. To which I smile and nod, and earn a slight smirk and nod from the girl. It's the first time I have truly seen her eyes this morning. She still has the sacred, confused look in them but not as bad as yesterday. But there is something else in them to, I can't just pin point it yet. I make a note to ask Lena about it.

The kids get finished and start running around doing their last-minute things before school. Lena goes up to play ref between the twins. I sit a few minutes with Callie in the quiet of the kitchen before I get up and start to do the dishes. Unlike yesterday Callie doesn't get up to come help me, maybe she is just tired I tell myself.

I hear Lena start to herd the kids downstairs for them to leave and I start to move toward the front door and am surprised when Callie gets up and beats me in there. I catch up with her in the vestibule at the front door, she has her back to me and is putting on her shoes with Jude trying to talk to her.

"Whoa Sweets what are you doing?" I ask her and place me hands on her shoulders which makes her scoot over and try to throw my hands off her but doesn't stop her from trying to put on her shoes.

I try to turn her to look at me I ask in a more tight voice "What are you doing Callie?" She is resisting me turning her and will not look at me. She goes to move toward the door, I slide my hand down her arm and get a better hold on her. Callie tries to jerk her arm away but I will not let her.

I am about to get to the bottom of this attitude.

"DON'T HURT HER" Jude says as he tries to force himself between me and Callie, he starts to hit my arms to force my hands off of her.

Callie turn and pushes him out-of-the-way with a growl "Rules JUDE!" and he automatically drops his hands away from me and takes a couple of steps away from us. He has a shocked look on his face which turns into understanding. When this happens he gets tears in his eyes and he turns to run upstairs, but Lena catches him before he can make it the top by bringing him into a hug and walks him back down the stairs. She starts guiding him into the living room, he shuffles his feet but lets her.

The rest of my kids are standing at the top of the stairs with their mouths open trying to figure out what to do.

B is the first to recover "Mom?"

"We are fine guys just a miss understanding, get ready for school" Lena answers for me over her shoulder with a smile.

Once the kids have disbursed I turn my full attention to Callie who I haven't let go of and had made sure to keep in my vision. I can feel the anger coming off her in waves and I don't really trust her right now. Her eyes are telling me she is in fight mode, even if they are full of tears and have a wild look in them. I probably stopped her from her flight earlier and now she feels trapped.

"Let go of me" she growls and she again tries to jerk her arm away from me.

"No" I keep my voice calm and hold on tighter to her.

"Now" She demands again in the growl voice as I notice she is trying to make herself look bigger as she stands up straight and her hands are balled up in fists.

"We are going to the living room." I tell her calmly. When doesn't move I start to force her that way. She is not cooperating at all and I have to forcefully move her, but at least she isn't active fighting me.

Lena has Jude in her lap sitting in the chair; she is talking softly to him. His tears have almost dried and I can see him nod every now and again to something that Lena is telling him. He will not look up, he keeps staring at a spot on the wall. Callie is shooting daggers at him with her eyes and is still trying to fight coming in here.

"Sit down Callie" I say in a strong voice when we get to the couch. I can tell she wants to fight me. I look at Lena she is asking me not to take Callie on head to head right now, it takes all my strength to take myself out of the game.

"Couch please" I let go of Callie and give her a stern look as I walk over to Lena and Jude. I go over to the side of the chair where I can see Callie. She has started to pace in front of the couch, going from one end turning and then going to the other. She has her arm swinging and has a pissed pouty look on her face.

I give her a warning look, than I bend down next to the chair to get in Jude's line of sight.

"I am sorry" Jude whispers with tears in his eyes.

"You are forgiven, it must have scared you when I put my hands on her" I tell him in a soft voice. "I am not going to hurt her, both of you are safe here."

The boy nods his head in agreement and says "Sometimes I forget, things are different here" I give him a smile and tussle his hair, which earns me a smirk back.

"Would you like to tell us what was going on?" I ask I first look at Callie, who is still mad and pouting. I was hoping without me in her space that she will talk, but she just gives me the "you can't make me talk" look and keeps pacing.

"She.." Jude starts but stops when he looks at Callie and the kids have a discussion between their selves and I am sure that Callie told him to shut up and Jude told her he was sorry.

"Jude look at me" Lena tells him. When he doesn't break eye contact with Callie, she takes her finger to his chin, he is hesitant to let her move his face but he finally does.

"Do you remember our discussion on being one team and what that means?" She asks him, which the boy nods.

"In words please" I tell him, while keeping my eyes on Callie who hasn't slowed down her pacing. Jude is usually so open, I have never seen him this way before.

"I have to talk to you" he mumbles

"Yes , that's part of it. No limits on what you talk about to us, even when Callie doesn't want you to." Lena says challenging Callie.

"He knows the rules; you don't get to change them." Callie spits angrily out at us, she as stopped pacing and has crossed her arms.

"Rules?" Lena ask

"YOU DO NOT GET TO CHANGE THE RULES" she shouts toward us.

"Too late we already have. Promises remember?" Lena states and turns her attention back to Jude.

Before she can answer Lena with the attitude "Watch your tone" I give her a warning look. "Deep Breath" I tell her in a lower voice, I am glad when I visibly see her take a deep breath.

"Run, hide, don't talk, keep the promise, don't get into the middle of anything," Jude says by memory before Callie get herself together enough to speak. Callie starts giving him daggers again with her eyes. I am sure that Jude is feeling them but will not look over at her; he has found his spot on the wall to stare at again.

Lena and I share a look things are making some sense now; these are the rules Callie has been taught to live by. They have probably helped Jude and her survive, threw God knows what.

"You have a new team with us, so we have new rules" As Lena continues.

I see that Callie has made her hands into a fist and is scratching her sides with finger nails. I remind myself that I need to cut them when I get a chance. I get up and walk toward Callie who takes her attention from Jude and watches me closely. I try to maneuver her, to get her to sit down with me but she doesn't want to. I reach out to her wrist trying to force her to come out of the crisscross arms and give me her hands. When she will not uncross her arms I wrap my arms around hers bring her into a hug and force her to sit down with her landing in my lap on the couch.

"It's ok just relax" I whisper to her when she tries to fight me to get up.

Lena continues with the discussion "We have already gone over these with Callie even if she is not cooperating right now. Honesty, trust and try are her big ones and they go for you too. But each of you will have special ones because each of you are special and unique."

Jude gives Lena a nod, Callie is listening even if she is trying to still be defiant and squirming in my lap.

"Yours is that you need to come and get Mom or Me when you or Callie needs us and not try to handle it yourselves. This will help us keep our promise to protect both of you and keep you safe. And you have to work on not being a worrying worm; you let me and Mom worry about worrying." She gets a smile, small chuckle and a nod from the boy.

"So what is going on Buddy?' I ask.

He still will not look my way because of Callie. Who has decided to try a new tactic, she has started slightly rocking and humming.

"Jude" Lena says in her strict Momma voice.

"She wanted to leave" he says,

"Is that true Sweets? You wanted to leave?" I ask her when she doesn't answer but keeps up her stubborn humming.

With the kids coming down the stairs to leave, Lena and I make a quick decision.

"Buddy, you are going to be late. We are not done with this, we will talk more, when you come home." I see on his face he is going to start to argue "Off with you Worm" giving him a smile which he returns but only glancing my way.

He gives Lena a kiss and hops down out of her lap. He glances my way and I can see he wants to give me one too but stops when Callie gives him a look.

"Don't mind her, come here" I tell him with a smile. He is hesitant for a moment, and then begins walking over taking the long way around, he doesn't go near Callie. Jude leans down and lets me plant a kiss on his forehead. He quickly pulls back and runs out of the room and out the door without looking back.

Lena and I have a conversion over Callie's head, on how well that went and how we are going to deal with this one, who has an appointment with Dr. Kodema in less than two hours, I am nervous about letting her go out of the house if she is thinking about running. It is obvious she isn't thinking straight or she would have been a lot sneakier about leaving. Did she want me to catch her? Where did the attitude come from?

It is decide Lena is going to take the lead. Lena moves to sit on the table, taking Callie chin in her hands forcing her to stop and tries to make her look up. Callie stops rocking and humming but still will not bring her eyes all the way up to meet Lena's. Lena gives me a look and tells me she will be right back.

She comes back with a glass of juice and Callie's meds which I had totally forgotten about. Lena hands it to her and she takes them without hesitation. She drinks all the rest of her juice in one gulp I nod at Lena who goes and gets a water and our coffee cups.

As I go to grab my coffee, Callie uses it to her advantage and scoots over out of my lap, and goes to the end of the couch, and throws her hoodie hood up. I try to ignore the pouty look on her face; I don't even know where to start with this kid. Probably a good thing Lena takes the lead with her right now. She goes to reach for her water Lena interlock her fingers in that hand, forcing her to reach out with her other hand to take the water bottle. When she goes to pull her hand back from Lena to open the water, I take advantage and scoot closer to her and unscrew the bottle for her

"What is going on Baby?" Lena starts in a soft voice. Callie gives her a shrug

"You wanted to leave?" I ask when I get a shrug also. "Words Sweets"

"Yes, No..I don't know" she mumbles

Lena starts with "Ok one at a time...Yes you wanted to leave?"

"School Day" she mumbles

"Yes it's a school day but you are going to Dr. Kodema today not school" I reminded her.

"On school days I go to school" She says, with a little bit of attitude.

"Yes normally that is the plan but today is different." Lena says "You didn't want to leave?" I don't know where Lena is heading with this.

Callie shakes her head "I wasn't leaving, leaving" she whispers. I swear I married the Kid Whisper.

"You said you didn't know?" I ask her

"I wanted to leave when you wouldn't let me" She mumbles as she steals a glance my way, to see how I react.

"Why wouldn't you answer me when I asked you what you were doing?" I ask

"I was trying to figure it out" she mumbles 'then I felt the hands and…I don't know" she gives me a shrug.

"Ok well we need you take a deep breath before you start to do something you are unsure about. You know you are supposed to be me or Momma's shadow yes?" I ask

Callie nods "I'm sorry"

Lena takes this opportunity to speak up with "We need you to remember that and to be thinking about helping us come up with your special rules."

"But we already have rules…I don't understand" Callie says with more of a whine voice than an attitude, we can tell she is getting frustrated with this whole subject.

"Ok well I think we need to give it a minute, let's go get you ready. One braid or Two?" Lena asks as she helps Callie up.

A/N: Thank you Lacorra for the edit.


	23. Hide and Seek

A/N

Thank you for reading, reviewing and the PMs...They keep me writing :)

Hide and Seek

Lena has Callie on the Mom's bed, she's trying to comb Callie's tangles out of her hair. However Callie is squirming every time the brush touches her.

"Why are you wiggling? Am I hurting you?" She asks, to which Callie shakes her head

"How are you?"

Callie just shrugs

"Words please Sweets" Stef says through the open door, from the vanity in the bathroom

"Fine" Callie mumbles

"Your head hurt?" Lena asks

"Hungover…Tired" Callie says with a slight nod

"Why, don't you let me clean your cuts than you can chill with Momma or me until we need to go?" Stef ask in a voice that really meant it more of a statement then a question

Callie shakes her head and says "I already took care of them"

"Sweets I need to check them" Stef replies in a little stronger voice. She checks in with Lena who gives Stef the maybe look. Callie had washed up this morning while Lena had gotten her clean clothes out of the laundry, except Callie put back on the same hoodie.

"I TOOK CARE Of them" Callie challenges at, first until Stef comes out of the bathroom and toward the bed, where they are.

"Watch the tone. You might have cleaned them but I need to check them" Stef says, trying to have patience with her.

"If you have cleaned them then it will not take but a minute for Mom to check them" Lena explains trying to keep the peace.

"I'm not a baby, I took care of it" Callie mumbles, with her head down. Stef was running out of patience. She looked to Lena who nodded that she understood what Stef was going to do.

"Come on Sweets it will not take a minute" Stef tells her as she reaches out for Callie's hand to help her off the bed. When she doesn't take her hand, Lena starts pushing her up toward Stef getting up with her. Stef takes Callie hand and interlock their fingers; they guide her toward the bathroom. Callie isn't happy but she is shuffling her feet, helping them. She keeps her eyes on the ground.

When they get to the counter Callie automatically hops up and sits down. Lena helps her take off her hoodie then tank top, leaving on her sport bra. Callie keeps glancing every once and awhile to where Lena as placed the hoodie.

"These are looking better Sweets" Stef says as she checks the cuts on her chest. "We just need some more Antibiotic ointment on them."

"Not too much, don't waste it" Callie says

"We have plenty…Does it burn?" Stef asked as she keeps on putting the ointment on with a q-tip. Callie shakes her head. Stef moves on to the cuts on her stomach, most of them were healed and the others were good enough she didn't need to put any ointment on them.

"We don't want them to get infected, more ointment now less pain later" Lena says as she picks up Callie's hoodie to throw it in the laundry and going to grab her a another one, she is glad that Stef has several.

"No it is not dirty" Callie whines as she reaches out getting up off the counter and tries to snatch the hoodie back from Lena. When she can't reach the hoodie she grabs at Lena's arm.

"Whooa!…that's not acceptable" Stef says as she gets in between Callie and Lena. Stef gets Callie's attention by grabbing her wrist, backing her back up to the counter and then forcing her to sit back up on the counter. Stef brings Callie's hands back down into her lap holding them there and getting in close to Callie face. Lena puts her hand on Stef's lower back to calm and reassure Stef at the same time.

"Enough…This is not like you" Stef says in a strong voice, keeping her wrist in one hand and bringing Callie's chin up with her other she wants to see her eyes. When she sees anger, stubbornness and defiant, in Callie's eyes she says "Loose the attitude"

She feels Lena's hand pat her back, she takes a deep breath. She looked again into Callie's eyes she sees something else. "What is going on?" When Callie doesn't respond she prods her with "Words…NO more hiding and honest answers…we are waiting" After a few moments Callie tries to cross her arms and bring her eyes down, Stef brings her chin up higher and keeps Callie's arms in her lap. "Eyes right here" she says in a stern voice. Stef saw that Callie was calculating her options. "Don't even think about it." Stef says as she moves her body closer to her when she feels Callie gets ready to kick at her.

While they are waiting on Callie to speak, Lena wonders what is so special about this hoodie to Callie. She doesn't find anything until she notices that one of the sleeves was frayed, hidden in the sleeve she finds a pen cap that its edge had been gridded down to a sharp point.

"That's mine, you can't have that" Callie yells, reaching for it as she starts getting up again, but was stopped short by Stef who practically had her pinned on the counter.

"Sit down, and you need to start acting like a big girl" Lena says in her principal voice

"She speaks" Stef says sarcastically and gives the girl a warning look. "We are still waiting" she tells her as she brings Callie's chin back up to get in the girls line of sight. But Callie will not look up and her breathing is becoming uneven. Tears are escaping from her eyes and rolling down her cheeks and she is making fist with her hands and then releasing it in a quick motion.

"Callie look at me, calm down" Lena tells her "We need you to try to talk to us. Your behavior this morning is not what we expect out of you."

"It is mine" Callie spits out toward us.

"It might have been yours, but seeing how it is in my hoodie its mine now" Stef says "We are not going to let you have anything that will hurt you"

"But its ok, it doesn't cut, it just pokes" Callie tries to make them understand.

"If it was ok, then you wouldn't feel like you need to hide it…Does it causes you pain?" Stef asks

"No" Callie spits out. From her body language, both Moms can tell she is lying.

"Callie you are not being very honest with us…" Lena is saying but a frustrated Callie interrupts and says "I am being honest it doesn't hurt it just pokes, the end isn't even very sharp. And if I pay attention to it, the rest doesn't hurt so badly" Both Moms can tell this is probably the closes honest answer they have gotten all morning.

"Baby it is a form of hiding" Lena says, when the Callie gives her a confused look she continues "It is just taking place of the other pain, remember you can't fix pain with more pain'

"But it works, I haven't done anything" Callie says with a pouty look and would have probably crossed her arms except Stef still had them in a hold in Callie's lap

"Sweets we have to keep you safe and this falls under that promise for us." Stef says when it is clear that Callie wasn't getting it or didn't want to get what Lena was trying to explain to her.

"But…" Callie starts to say to which Stef puts up her finger and gives Callie a warning look "No, we don't break our promises, now do you think you can sit up here and we finish this or do we want to stay in here forever?"

"I stay…then I don't have to go today" Callie says in a hateful tone

"You can stay but I will just get Dr. K to come see you in here" Stef responds "I'm sure she wouldn't mind"

Lena would have laugh at the exchange and the looks each the other had given the other under normal circumstances, it really was like looking at two peas in a pod, with these two. But before they could do battle, Lena came up with a theory.

"Callie, you don't want to go to your therapy appointment?" Lena asked

When the girl went to shake her head, both Moms gave her a look to let her know they were expecting word answer.

"No" She mumbles

"Why?" Stef asked

"Because" Callie said

"Because why?" Stef asked

"Because I don't want to." Callie replies

"Why don't you want to?" Stef asks

Both Moms had had seven-year olds before and knew how to play the "because" game. It just took patience with them and eventual they told on their selves.

Callie went to shrug her shoulder and Stef said "Come on you know."

"I don't need to go" Callie stubbornly

Stef couldn't help herself she had to ask "Why don't you need to go?"

"It is a school day I should be in school" Callie said. Both Moms picked up on this answer, betting the reason she tried to go to school this morning, was so she wouldn't have to go to her therapy appointment

Before Stef could answer Lena gave Stef a pat on the back, let her know she was stepping in before this got out of hand.

"Are the bad thoughts still spinning in your head? Lena asked

"Not bad" Callie mumbled, both Moms weren't sure on this answer. Callie definitely wasn't being herself this morning. They wasn't sure where this anger was coming from. They used these few minutes for everyone to take a deep breath.

"Do you remember that Dr. K said part of getting better was coming to see her Yes?" Stef asked and when she got a slight nod from Callie she continued "Ok here is what is going to happen, we are going to finish with you here. Then we are going to see what we got to do, to get you better Yes?"

When Callie doesn't nod to the second part of Stef statement she continues "Momma and I have to go to and I bet if we are good we can talk Momma into some Ice cream after lunch" she says smiling. Callie didn't like the idea but she could tell by the look on both Mom's faces that she wasn't going to get out of this.

Stef had picked up on Ice Cream being the only thing Callie didn't automatically split in two with Jude. When they first had arrived Callie always made Jude's plate and then gave him half of her little bit she had gotten herself. It had taken weeks to get her relax and them reassuring her that there was enough for her to know there was plenty to go around. That both Jude and her needed full plates. Except with her ice cream, not that Callie wouldn't have given it to him, it was just Jude never even looked over to her when she had it.

Callie looked down with a given up look on her face. Lena goes to get more laundry out of the kid's bathroom. Stef backed up and started looking for the first aid stuff for Callie's thigh. She turned back around and went to lift Callie's short leg.

Callie reaches out and grabs Stef's wrist "No, I took care of it already" she whispers with tears coming out of her eyes.

"I'm just going to check it, Sweets" Stef softly tells her.

"No one is supposed to see" Callie whispers and shakes her head. Stef gives her a questioning look and waits for Callie. In a few minutes after it was obvious that Callie couldn't get her thoughts together. Stef thought it might be easier for her to talk if Stef was focused on her thigh instead of her waiting on to talk, so she started looking at her wound going through the motion but was very aware of Callie.

Stef whispers "Just talk…it is ok"

"Seeing it is talking" Callie whispers between hitched breaths. Stef gives her a slight nod to let her know that she heard her and to continue but Callie doesn't for several minutes.

"Did you get this wet?" Stef asks

"No, you can't, you have to wait. Maybe tomorrow they will look good enough to." Callie says with knowledge.

Stef tries to sound casual when she asked "Who told not to show anyone?"

"She did" Callie mumbles

"Who is she?" Stef asks and tries not to show she is boiling on the inside. Callie shakes her head, she isn't going to tell.

"It's ok you don't have to talk right now, but do you think you can tell me yes or no?" Stef asks. Callie gives her a slight nod

"Was she the one that burned you?" Stef whispers, not wanting to know but needing to know. Callie can't answer as a fresh set of tears starts rolling down her cheeks and she is starting to shake. Stef wants more answers but knows she has pushed Callie as far as she could right now. They still had to get her through a therapy appointment which after this morning and the last appointment was any kind of gauge; it wasn't going to be pleasant.

"You did a good job Sweets" Stef tells her and follows up with a kiss to the forehead and Callie nods and tries to smirk through the tears and glances up at Stef to get a read on her. Stef signals for her to stay. When Stef comes back from washing her hands, she goes back into the position where she was when they had a discussion earlier and moves her head down to grab the girl's eyes

"You know it is ok, for us to see. Here is different yes?" Stef tells her. Callie really looks up for the first time since they had moved on from the doctor appointment discussion but tries to take her head down quickly when she sees tears in Stefs eyes. But Stef will not let her hide and takes Callie's chin in her hands, lifting it up and wiping the tears from her cheeks with her thumbs.

"Yes?" Steff whispers.

"Yeess...its just hard…I'm trying" Callie whisper back in between uneven breaths

"I know you are, we love you so very much. We got to do everything we can to keep you safe, even if that means sometimes it makes things more scary and confusing. Thank you for trusting us Sweets, we are going to take care of you. We need you to keep trying Yes?"

Callie nods her head and hums an agreement. Stef laughs "Sweets that doesn't count" but as she says it Callie throws her arms around Stef, holding onto her tightly as her answer.

A/N: Thank you Lacorra for the edit.


	24. A New Friend

A/N Thank you for reading and reviewing, Yall are the best

A New Friend

"Dr. Kodema will see you now." Alice, Dr K.'s assistant said with a smile from Dr. K's office door. The Moms stood up and motioned for Callie to do the same. When Callie didn't move Stef moved to guide her up and whispered in her ear "We are right here, breathe" Bringing her into a side hug, then moving them behind Lena walking a reluctant Callie into Dr. Kodema's office.

Callie tries to break away to go sit over in the corner were Dr. Kodema has set up a play area away from the main seating area. Stef had looked over to Dr. Kodema who nods before Stef lets her go.

"Good morning Ladies…It is ok, Callie can join us in a minute, why don't we talk first." Dr. Kodema says. As she offered the Moms seats on the couch in the main seating area as she takes the chair across from them.

After all were seated and comfortable, she begins with "What I would like to do is check in with both of you and then with Callie. I will then need to talk to Callie by herself for a few moments, and then we will need to talk alone for a few minutes." Dr. Kodema says

Both Moms nod.

"How has she been since we talked last night?" Dr. Kodema asks in loud enough voice that she knew Callie could hear.

"She had night terrors again last night and we had to deal with those. She did talk a little to us about her dreams and what they were about in very little detail. She had bad body memories after the last one and it took us quiet awhile to get her back to sleep." Lena explains

Callie was listening she just didn't want to participate in this appointment, so she acted like she was building stuff with the Legos on the table. Callie thought she was fine, true she felt off, she felt like she wasn't in control of a lot of things right now but she could control this. They couldn't make her talk about the thought the Monster was spinning around in her head. She was very proud of herself; she had controlled the Monster this morning.

Dr. Kodema nodded her head in understanding and for Lena to go on.

Lena continued "She did make it up on her own this morning and ate minimum breakfast with the others. But she tried to go to school this morning and we have been on the receiving end of a bit of an angry attitude from her when things are not going her way" Lena replies

Dr. Kodema nods her understanding than asks "Any issue with her talking her meds?"

"She doesn't like it, but she has taking them" Lena says

"Any more self-harm or attempts?" Dr. Kodema asks

"We found a pen lid with its tip grinded down, this morning she had hid. She doesn't see it as wrong, because didn't cut" Stef replies "She thinks she is "fine" "Stef says as she does the quotation marks with her hands. "And she shouldn't have had to come to this appointment"

"Is she letting you help her with injuries?" Dr. Kodema asks

"She is still very hesitant to let me clean her cuts and especially her thigh. But I didn't see where she has picked at any of them she actually did a very good job on cleaning them this morning." Stef says with a smile in her voice for Callie to hear. Callie tried to hide the little smirk from her place in the corner at Stef's praise, which didn't go unnoticed by the adults and they shared a smile.

"You said that she shared after her nightmare last night?" Dr Kodema asks

Both Moms nod and then Stef said "She opened up a little then and again this morning when I was checking her thigh"

Dr. Kodema nodded her head in understanding and then asked "Over all how do you think she is doing?"

"She is better than Weds but definitely not herself" Lena said. Dr. Kodema nodded for her to go on. "One minute she is cuddle and clingy the next she is angry and defiant"

Dr. Kodema nods her understanding than asks "Callie why don't you join us?" Callie ignores her so Stef speaks up "We got room right her Sweets" as she pats the space on the couch between her and Lena. When Callie again chooses to ignore the adults Stef and Lena look at each other and it decided that Lena will try to get her to come over and join them.

Lena gets up, and walks over to the table where Callie is acting like she is engrossed in the building with the Legos. Lena bends down Callie steals a glance at Lena but brings her eyes back down to the table quickly. But not before Lena catches her eye, she leans in and wraps her arms around Callie's shoulders helping her to stand up as Lena whispers in Callie's ear "Baby, this is not trying" As she guides her over to the couch and sits her down next to Stef and then sat down on the other side of her.

As Callie sits down Stef had reaches over and pulls the hoodie hood down from Callie's head and then places her arms around Callie shoulders pulling her into a tight side hug. Callie had crossed her arms and was pouting when Stef whispers "Breathe…Mint Chocolate chip ice cream." She then places a kiss to Callie's temple. Callie lets herself be brought into the hug but keeps her arms crossed and her eyes on the table in front of them.

"Good Morning Callie…How are you feeling?" Dr. Kodema asks Callie shrugs

It took Stef squeezing her shoulder and a whisper "Words"

Callie to mumble "Fine"

"How have you been since Wednesday?" Dr. Kodema asks

Callie shrugs mumbles "Fine"

Dr. Kodema then asks "How has your jumble thoughts been? I believe you told your Moms that it was the Monster that was spinning the bad thoughts?" Stef felt Callie tensed up she wasn't sure if it was the mention of the Monster or that the Moms had told her about the Monster.

"We have to be honest Sweets, so she can help all of us" Stef says to which the other two ladies nodded agreement.

When it is obvious that Dr. Kodema was not going to make any headway on that subject she tried a different tact.

"I understand that there have been some promises made about what each of you can do to help the other?" Dr. Kodema asks as she looks at Lena

"Yes, we have agreed we are going to be honest with her and keep her and her brother safe" Lena says with a smile she knows where this is going.

"Callie what is your part of the agreement?" Dr. Kodema asks as looks at Callie, trying to lead her to talking about something that she had the answers to.

"Your promises to us Sweets, you know them" Stef says after a few moments and Callie had answered.

"Honest, Trust, Try" Callie mumbled

"That is a great start, how are both of you doing with your promises?" Dr. Kodema asks as she looks at Lena then Stef.

"We are finding the honest part easier than the keeping her safe part right now" Stef says for both the Moms. Dr. Kodema nods her head for Stef to continue. "During her first nightmare last night she ended up on top of the dryer trying to find a way out of the laundry room, which could have turned out bad. During her second one she fought us wanting to get out. She really is not fully awake so it very hard to keep her safe when she is like that".

Dr. Kodema nods her head for Stef to continue.

"And this morning she decided that she was going to school without talking to us. When questioned about it she got very angry and defiant. Then we found the pen lid, which she had hidden from us, and she tried to get it back…I have had to put my hands on her twice this morning to keep her safe" Stef finishes

Dr. Kodema nods her head and asks "Callie how do you think they are doing with their promises?"

"Good" Callie mumbles, not looking up from the table.

"And how do you feel you are doing with your promises?" Dr. Kodema asks Callie

"Good" Callie mumbles, not looking up from the table.

"All of you must be doing well with keep your promises; it has been a tough couple of days for everyone and sounds like it went well. Ok what I want to do now is to talk to Callie by herself for a few moments, and then I will talk to the Moms alone for a few minutes." Dr. Kodema says.

Callie had tensed when Dr. Kodema had asked to talk to her alone. Both Moms had looked at Callie who was still hugged into Stef's side.

"Sweets?" Stef asks looking down at Callie."It is ok you do this every week, you are safe here. Momma and I will be right outside waiting, we aren't going anywhere."

Callie nodded and scooted over and letting go of Stef, crossing her arms. The Moms stood up, Lena gave Callie a kiss to her forehead and Stef looked into her eyes and nodded to the door to reassure Callie.

After they left Dr. Kodema starts "Callie, I know you don't want to be here and you don't want to talk and I am not going to make you today. Can we both agree that you will follow your promises?"

Callie gives her a slight nod but doesn't look up.

Dr. Kodema continues "And I will follow the honest, safe promises and I am also bound by the extra rules we talked about before about me not talking to any about what you tell me except if you are going to hurt yourself, someone else or if you are being abused. I know you are very confused and scared right now but we can work on it together. You are in control, of what we talk about and how we deal with it. My only requirement is that we deal with it safely"

Callie doesn't look up but Dr. Kodema can tell she is listening.

Dr. Kodema continues "Remember we talked about you going to your Moms, when the bad thoughts start?"

Callie nods and mumbles "They don't stop"

"Are the meds helping?" Dr. Kodema asks. Callie shrugs.

"Dr. Smith upped them yesterday so we will give them a few more days, we will talk about when I see next appointment." Dr. Kodema says and Callie gives her a slight nod.

"You are having nightmares, they must be scary…When you can, you need to remind yourself that you are safe and you are not in that situation anymore" Dr. Kodema says and Callie gives her a slight nod.

Dr. Kodema gets up and goes over to her desk and comes back with a racquetball and a black magic marker, she hands both to Callie.

"I think you need a new friend, go ahead he needs a face and be thinking of him a name" Dr. Kodema says. Callie starts to drawing on the ball with the marker.

"This friend is going to be one of your tools to fight the Monster with, instead of using a blade or a pen lid to block out the bad thoughts. No worries he is tough he can take it, you can squeeze him anytime you need to and you don't have to hide him…OK?" Dr. Kodema finishes and returns Callie smirk that had came up on the girls face when the doctor had said she wouldn't have to hide the ball.

Callie nods and then shows Dr. Kodema the face on the ball. She has drawn a very sad angry face.

"Well he isn't very happy is he?" Dr. Kodema asks. Callie shakes her head side to side.

"Do you have a name for him?" Dr. Kodema asks Callie shakes her head side to side.

Dr Kodema can see Callie wanted to say more but knows that Callie will only speak when she is ready. After waiting a few minutes to see if she would continue, Dr. Kodema speaks again "Callie can I have your eyes a moment so that I can know that you understand what I am going to tell you?"

Callie hesitantly raises her eyes.

"You are a very strong person who has seen a lot and has been through more than most adults. Although those things shape who we are it doesn't dictate our future. I know that it seems right now that things are ugly and dark and you will never get better. But I am here to tell you that strong girl will survive and it will get better if you want it to." Dr. Kodema says

Callie has tears in her eyes and threatens to spill over at any moment.

Dr. Kodema continues "I truly believe that you want to. You have made great progress you have kept your promises with your Moms. I am very proud of you. I look forward to our meetings" She finishes with a smile at the girl. During her statement she had read Callie's eyes from dark and scared to looking down with a smirk in them when she was embarrassed from the praise the doctor had given her.

After that she had walked Callie out to the waiting room asking Alice to help Callie get some juice from the back kitchen area. Asking the Moms to step back into her office for a moment, explaining to that they would probably be done before Callie finished her juice.

With the door shut and the ladies back in the places from earlier.

Dr. Kodema gave her assessment

"First let me say I am highly encouraged by the progress she has made and with how far you both have come with her. I thought that we would have to do inpatient care on the kid I saw on Weds. but not only did we not go down that path but I was able to make some progress with her today."

Both Moms share a look and smile between themselves and then turn their attention back to the doctor.

"I still stand by my original thoughts, keeping her safe, from herself and her thoughts are going to get harder as she starts to deal with things. We worked on some basic coping skills, today but it was just the tip of the iceberg of the work we need to do. I need to stress the importance of keeping a very close eye on her still. Callie seems to have made progress on feeling secure; she has let herself talk to both you. Her anger is a good thing she trusts you enough to show it, I would say that she hasn't felt this safe since before she went into the system. The anger and anxiety is to be expected. She is showing her frustration over not being in control of herself or her emotions and for a kid like Callie control is everything to her. We have talked before about her needing a routine and structure, you have both mentioned she was a little to adult in her actions most of the time. Well she finally feels safe enough that she is showing her emotions, and this is very scary for her and it will come out in several ways angry and anxiety. I agree with you Lena she is probably at a seven or eight year old emotionally right now. In my opinion she probably shut down and learned survival skills when she went into the system after her Mom died." Dr Kodema took a break so that the Moms could ask questions.

Lena spoke up "How do we help her to keep making progress?"

"Keep with what you are doing you know what is best trust your guts, its working. Keep the promises even if she isn't cooperating or doesn't want to hear it, you have earned her trust the hard part now is keeping it. She will be hyper-vigilant over it, it something she can focus on and thinks she can control it. Keep her to hers do not back down she is going to test both of you. Let her make choices if appropriate, it will help her feel like she is control. Get her busy have her help you do chores, use the quite time to bond. Some outdoor time everyday and try to get her to do some physical activity, walking even bouncing her new friend against an outside wall" Dr Kodema went on to explain the racquetball and it purpose to the Moms.

"She isn't out of the woods yet but she has made a great start. In my opinion her prognoses is very favorable if she keeps up this progress. None of this is going to be easy nor do I think that she isn't going to have set backs but she is trying which is usually half the battle with these kids. Do you have any questions I can answer for you now?" Dr. Kodema asks

"A million of them" Stef says with a laugh which is then shared by the other women.

"I am sure. Me and Dr. Smith will consult each other and will be able to sit down with both of in the middle of week and give you a more solid plan. As far as answers it will all depend on Callie, you have seen her file and have talked to Dr. Smith so you know some of what Callie is dealing with. As hard as for us as adults image how hard is for a sixteen year old…a seven year old." Dr, Kodema says.

She waits a few moments for the Moms to process what she just told them and then says "I would like to see her Monday morning before her doctor's appointment how does nine sound? Dr. Kodema asks

Both Moms nodded their agreement.

"Of course you have all my numbers do not hesitate to call me anytime' Dr Kodema says as she stands up and walks them out of the office to meet Callie.

When the door is open the Moms see that Callie had been pacing waiting on them. The minute she saw them she had a look of relief on her face.

"Sweets, you ready to leave? I think we have some ice cream to eat." Stef says with a smile as she opens the door for Callie and Lena.

"Lunch than Ice cream please" Lena says with a smile, as they go through the door. Lena takes Callie hand and is pleasantly surprised when Callie doesn't resist as they make their way to the car.

Stef gets into the driver's seat. Lena is hesitant as to where she needs to sit, she breaks out in a huge smile when Callie doesn't let go of her hand as she gets into the back seat. When both of their seat belts are fasten Callie places her head on Lena shoulder.

"How about the Shake Shack for lunch? We can get both" Stef asks as they pull out of the parking lot.

"Shhh, Baby how about a to go order?" Lena asks quietly

When Stef looks in the rear view mirror she can't help but smile. Callie is already asleep on Lena's shoulder and Lena as her eyes closed, her head next to Callie's napping.

A/N: Thank you Lacorra for the edits. I couldn't do this without you


	25. Waking the Bear

A/N Thank you for reading and reviewing

Waking the Bear

Callie was sleeping so peaceful that the Moms decided that they would go home. That the ice cream would wait, it was more important to let her sleep. Callie didn't even wake up when Stef got her out of the car and carried her upstairs placing her in the Moms bed. Callie curled up in a ball, placing her thumb in mouth and rubbed her nose a few times but didn't mummer nor open her eyes. Stef had gotten in the bed next to her, with her laptop to do some paperwork. Callie felt Stef beside her she had reached out her free arm finding Stef and had grasped tightly onto her shirt and had gone back to a sound sleep.

Lena came into check on them; it had been over two hours since they had gone up. She found that Stef had finished her paperwork and had decided to take a nap also. Lena had tried to be quiet but Stef being a light sleeper anyway, started stirring as soon as the door and started opening.

"Hey Babe, have a good nap?" Lena asked as she walked over to Stef's side of the bed with a cup of coffee.

"Yes, thanks" Stef replied quietly as she took the coffee from Lena. After a sip she asks "We can make room if you would like"

"No thanks, Babe do you think she will be ok for a few minutes? We need to talk" Lean asks as she nods to their bathroom. Stef nods and quietly gets out of bed putting the extra pillows down where she had just been laying and then went to the other side and did the same thing on Lena's side of the bed. For Callie's part she had just brought her arm in and had tucked into her body making herself go into a tighter ball when Stef had gotten up.

The Moms left the door open a little so that they could hear if Callie needed them. They embraced each and had started making out like teenagers for a few minutes.

"Hi ya Mrs. Adams Foster, been awhile" Stef said as she smile and let her hands run Lena's body as she stole another kiss.

"Hello, Mrs. Adams Foster" Lena had replied trying not to moan as Stef's hands made her feel so good. She knew where this could head and they didn't have time so reluctantly she pushed back from Stef, interlocking their hands. "Focus" she says smiling as Stef sneaks in for another kiss.

"Ok Babe first off how is Callie?" Lena asks

"She hasn't moved since I settled in bed" Stef replies, still trying to steal more kisses

"Good…Bill called he wants to do a home visit tonight, he request both kids be here." Lena says. The minute she mentioned Bill Lena had Stef full attention.

"Both kids?" Stef asks

"Yes both, he was on break from a hearing at the court house and couldn't give me much details except he needed both of them and he would be here between four and five. Do you think we should be worried?" Lena asks and looks down she knows she has to tell Stef about their earlier conversation. "I kind of lost my temper when I talked to him on Wednesday when I reported and asked him to get the adoption papers ready. I practically threaten to strong arm him with the press if there is a problem with the paperwork" Lena tells her wife embarrassed.

"OO Love, I wouldn't worry about it Wednesday was a hard day and I have always found Bill to be understanding." Stef says seriously then with a smile says "I thought I was the one who let her mouth get ahead of her brain? You are supposed to be the calm one" Lena returns the smile to Stef's teasing and reaching out to play tap Stef arm.

Stef grab her arm and starts playing it up like she is hurt "Assault to add to your charges you are becoming a real Bruiser. I might have to arrest you" as she leans in to get a real kiss from her wife bring her into a hug.

After a few moments Lena asks "How do you think the kids will take a visit? Callie did well this morning once we got her settled down, but she was a bear before. Jude seemed to leave on a good note."

Stef nodded her agreement "We need to check in with both before Bill gets here, I am sure it will be twice as bad if it's a surprise to them. Remember the twins hiding every time Bill came by?"

Lena nodded "I remember you having to climb the tree to get Marianna down after Jesus talked her into following him up there to hide and she got too scared to come down. After it took us over a half hour to find them for Bill"

"See Love, if he can understand why two of our children who were supposed to be waiting for him in the living room for a quick check in somehow ended up in the top of the tree. He can understand a Mom Tiger moment" Stef says to reassure Lena. "It is almost two now do we want to wake the Callie? She hasn't eaten anything except toast today and two bites of sandwich last night. And we don't want her to sleep too much today, so she will sleep tonight"

"Yes, I know but she is finally sleeping soundly, this is the longest she has slept at a time this week." Lena says

" Yeah but if we have to settle her down like we had to this morning we are going to need time and I would like for her to be calm when Jude gets home. She was very intimidating to him this morning which she needs to fix." Stef says

Lena nods her head "Yes, he is so worried about her, but he seems to be on board with us. We still need to talk to them about the adoption. If we do it now it might help with them feeling more secure, that we are committed to them."

"Let's handle this morning's issues, before Bill's appointment. If we have time we can deal with the adoption if not we can do it tonight at bed time. The twins will not be home until dinner B doesn't have lessons tonight so I can send him store to get the stuff for ice cream sundaes while Bill is here. After he leaves how about we have dinner on the deck? I will grill; you throw together a quick salad, ice cream for dessert. Maybe a fire in the pit or a movie nice quiet night at home." Stef says

Lena answers "Sounds great…but your turn with the bear she is not the most pleasant when she first gets up."

"Fine" Stef says in her best Callie voice and crosses her arms. "At some point we need to discuss her special rules, that we got side tracked from this morning." as she walked out the bathroom door.

Stef was glad to find Callie sleeping soundly in the same position she had left her in. She moved the pillows and slid back into her place.

"Sweets, you need to wake up" she says as she starts to move Callie hair from her forehead." Sweeeets, wake up for me…come on Sleepy Head wake up for me" When Callie doesn't move Stef shakes Callie's shoulder and then started rubbing her hand up and down her arm. Callie starts to struggle to come awake. "Callie, you need to wake up" After a few minutes she hasn't made much progress, Stef takes Callie by the wrist and tries to take her thumb out of her mouth.

"Doooonnnnnnn'ttt" Callie says loudly, as she jerks back her hand and tries to put her thumb back in her mouth but Stef will not let her by interlocking their fingers.

"Callie, you need to wake up" Stef says in a louder voice as she again goes back to moving Callie's hair off her forehead, running circles around and around with her finger tips on the girls forehead.

Callie all of sudden jerks awake like Stef hadn't been trying to get to wake up for the last five minutes. She quickly sits up in the bed a scoots up, placing her back against the head board; she has a confused, dazed look on her face.

Stef was glad to see that she hadn't let go of her hand though. "You are in our room…you are safe it is ok…Hey Sleepy head how did you sleep?"

Callie shrugs but when Stef gives her a look she says "Fine" as she becomes more awake and less confused

Stef asks "It is time for lunch, your pain pills and it looks like you need some ice for your hand there. What do you want for lunch?"

"Ice Cream" Callie mumbles

This made Stef laugh "I don't think we can get that by Momma…Lets go see if we can find us something to eat" as she helps Callie out of the bed to go downstairs.

Callie lets Stef lead her into the kitchen, but she lets go of her hand. She sees fresh coffee, walks over to make herself a cup.

"No Ma'am it is nearly two in the afternoon." Lena says as she walks in. Callie ignores her and keeps making herself the coffee.

"Callie, don't ignore your Momma" Stef says from the open door of the fridge where she was finding stuff for sandwiches.

"Callie would you like water, milk or juice?" Lena asks trying to have patients with the girl. When she doesn't answer her Lena says "Callie look at me and tell me what you want please" when the girl turns around to look at Lena she can tell that Callie is trying to maintain her emotions "Calm down, breathe and use your words please" Lena says in her Momma voice

"Why?" Callie finally mumbles

"Why what Baby? Why you can't have coffee right now?" Lena asks Callie nods her head

"Because it is late in the afternoon and it is too late for you to drink it. It will just make you jumpy. Now would you like water, milk or juice for lunch?" Lena asks again

"Sweets the deal was one cup Yes?" Stef asks Callie nods her head "I believe you helped me with mine this morning yes?"

Callie doesn't like it but she slow nods her head. She finally mumbles "FINE, Water" as she crosses her arms

Stef replies "Watch your tone. What kind of sandwich do you want?"

"Your grilled cheese please" Callie mumbles. This made Stef stop and look at Callie none of her children ate her cooking much less ask her to cook something. "Mine?" Stef asks to make sure she heard her correctly. Callie nods her head.

This makes Stef come over and give her a big hug "I knew you had great taste Sweets...Grilled cheeses coming up"

"Let's try not to burn down the house Stef, the fireman was nice enough to give us just a warning last time you tried to make them" Lena says smiling as she brings all their waters to the table. Now her plan is to go switch out a load of laundry before leaving she calls out to Callie "Callie can you get the plates and napkins please?" It takes a moment but Callie goes and does what she is told. By the time she is done the Moms are seated at the table and have left the corner spot open between the two of them for her. Callie sees it she grabs her plate and her sandwich, which she has to jungle in her hands because it hot. She quickly slides it onto the plate as she sits down at the other side of the table as far as she can from them.

All this makes the Moms laughs, Callie starts to get mad Lena says "You must have really burnt the sandwiches, if she has to hide to eat them" teasing Stef

"She must think you are going to take her delicious sandwich, she is protecting what is hers" Stef teases right back.

The teasing banter calms Callie and she is smirking when she starts eating her sandwich with her eyes on the table never looking up from it until she was finished.

Lena gets up and brings Callie water and her pain pills around to her, sliding another sandwich on her plate "Here Baby, we don't want you choking on your sandwich"

Callie takes the pills without comment, but when she sees the other sandwich on her plate she shakes her head "No thanks full". She sits there quietly as the Moms finish with their lunch and their discussion when it gets to the plan for the rest of the afternoon.

Stef brings Callie into the conversation "Sweets, Momma and I want to talk to you and Jude when he gets home. We are not finished with the conversation we started this morning." Callie looks up and glances at Stef when she mentions the conversation. "Callie your behavior this morning is not what is expected out of you." When Stef says this, Callie glares at Stef who keeps the girls eye. "You were not very nice to Jude and you were trying to undermine what Momma was telling Jude… Use your words" Stef tells Callie when she sees the girl getting frustrated at not being able to get her thoughts together

"WE have rules, she got him to break them" Callie growls between hitched breaths "She was changing the rules" Callie is get angrier by the moment.

"We are the parents we get to make the rules" Stef says

"NO, we follow The Rules always." Callie says as she stands up with her clinching and unclenching her fist, clearly losing the battle to maintain control.

"You need to take a deep breath and watch your tone Young Lady" Stef calm tries to tell her. "We will make whatever rules or adjustment to the rules as we see fit. We are both of your and Jude's Mothers. Our house, our rules" Stef says in a very stern voice the one that the kids didn't cross.

As soon as already mad Callie heard "Our house, our rules" comment come out of Stef's mouth, which Fat Ass had said a version of it to her as she was beating her with the belt for some slight. Callie loses her temper and throws the closes thing she could which was her water bottle at Stef. Callie was so pissed and frustrated at point that the bottle went by Stef head by a foot and slammed into the oven door landing on the floor.

"FUCK YOUR RULES "Callie yells than launches her plate at Stef who by this time was moving quickly around the table to stop Callie.

"NO Callie" Stef says in a stern voice.

"I TAKE CARE OF US, OUR RULES ALWAYS!" Callie yells as she turns to running out of the kitchen.

A/N: Thank you Lacorra for the edits I couldn't do this without you


	26. We need to deal with this now

A/N

Thank you for reading and reviewing…The reviews and PMs have helped me tremendously

This has turned into a heavy story that as sensitive topics. Please read with care.

We need to deal with this now

"I TAKE CARE OF US, OUR RULES ALWAYS!" Callie yelled as she turned to starting running out of the kitchen but bumped into Lena who had come around the other end of the table. Lena managed to grab her in a hold long enough that Stef can help her bring a kicking, screaming and angry Callie to the ground. Callie totally lost it and is screaming and crying. She is yelling incoherently other than a few cuss words, the Moms aren't sure what she is saying. There is not a lot that the Moms can do except hold her so she doesn't hurt herself.

After about ten minutes Callie has almost exhausted herself and as quit fighting. Lena starts to rock her; this seems to calm Callie down some. When it is obvious that Callie as calmed down enough Stef let's go of Callie's arms and scoot back enough that Lena can move Callie into her lap. Callie goes into the crook of Lena neck and starts playing with Lena's curls.

"Baby, I don't like to see you act this way, this not the sweet girl I know. We can't have you throwing stuff someone could get hurt and we don't want that do we?" Callie shakes her head. "I need you sit up and talk to us, like a big girl." Lena says as she sits up a little bringing Callie up enough that she isn't hiding down within Lena.

"You know we are only trying to do what is best for you and Jude Yes?" Stef asks Callie nods her head.

"The rules take care of us" Callie spits out between hitched breaths. "I take care of us"

"Yes they do, and I bet at ever house you learned something new and had to tweak the rules for you and Jude to be safe depending on the situation yes?" Stef asks Callie nods her head.

"Here is different in this house Mom and I make the rules dependent on the situation because that's our job as the Moms" Lena says

"Your job is to follow rules just like you expected Jude to follow The Rules when you needed him to, to keep him safe…we need you to so we can keep you safe Yes?" Stef asks

Callie mulls this over for a few minutes; both Moms can see she is struggling with this. "I take care of us."

"But you don't have to Baby, that's what Mom and I are here for. All you have to worry about is getting better and being the sweet girl I know you are" Lena says Callie nods

"Sweets I know you got angry at me, you need use your words. You can't be throwing stuff at anyone. There are consequences for your actions." Stef says

Callie tears up and nods her head as she gets up from the floor. The Moms stand up with her but are shocked when she breaks away and goes to the long wall in the kitchen she stops about a foot in front of it facing it and interlock her fingers behind her head with her feet spread shoulder length apart and stands there waiting.

Both Moms look at each other for answers, which neither can give.

"Baby? What are you doing?" Lena asks as walks up to the girl when she goes to touch Callie on the shoulders to get her to turn to look at her, Callie flinched like she had been hit.

"I've have to be punished" Callie mumbles with tears in her eyes and she was biting her lip, but with her chin up she was trying to be brave.

It dawn on Stef first the implications of what Callie was saying. She hurried over and brought Callie into a hug "OOO Sweets No Never" as she practically dragged her over into the nook and sat down with her in her lap. "We don't hit ever! Remember?"

Callie nod and said "But when I break the your house your rules rule, I've have to be punished"

"Yes but we are talking early bedtime and no internet seeing how this your first and only offense" Stef says as she looks at Lena who had moved over and was standing next to them real close for agreement. Normally she wouldn't hesitate to bring the hammer down on one the kids especially with what had happened. But Callie was very fragile and struggling right now and she was basically on lock down with the Moms anyway and Stef didn't think Callie would be up to ten her normal bed time. It seemed like a good compromise, ease her into consequences without hurting her.

Lena nods her head in agreement with Stef and steals herself for the answer then asks "Hun, where did this happen?" She asks Callie as she moves Callie hair behind her ear, so she can't hide. Stef as ran her hand up under Callie shirt and is rubbing hand up and down Callie's back trying to encourage and reassure her.

With Callie eyes on the floor she very quietly replies "Their house"

Lena asks "The ones who hurt your feet?"

Callie nods and then in the same whiny voice Fat Ass would use "My house, my rules or my belt, Stupid Girl"

Both Moms look at each other. Things are making some sense now, about why Callie had fought them every time they mentioned rules.

Lena takes Callie chin in her hands and lifts it up forcing Callie to look at her in the eyes "Baby, you are not stupid, don't you ever for a minute believe that. A stupid girl wouldn't have been able to take care of not only herself but also Jude." Callie wipes her eyes with the back of her sleeve, frustrated at the tears that are falling. Lena takes her hand on that arm intertwining their fingers. "It's ok to cry"

Callie shakes her head and says in hitched breaths "Sorry…I don't want closet time"

"Closet time?" Stef asks in what she hopes in calm voice, even though she is boiling inside.

"If you cry or make noise during punishment than you get closet time" Callie mumbles

The Moms is stun silent at what Callie as she just told them.

Callie for her part was overwhelmed and couldn't seem to get her breathing under control and the more she tried the faster it came. Her chest starts to hurt she knows she needs to get air and struggled to get out of Stef's lap.

"Air" She squeaks out as she tries to stand up but her eye sight went black and her knees went weak. She would have crashed to the floor but the Moms were able to guide her down, placing her head between her knees.

"Sweets we need you to breathe…deep breaths, in through your nose out through your mouth…follow my breathing...Come Callie I know you can do it…focus right here on me, following my breathing. Lena could you also bring an ice pack and a juice please…Callie I really need you to calm down and breathe Baby…slow down deep breaths" Stef says trying to help Callie calm down from her panic attack.

Lena returns and starts wiping Callie face with a wet cloth while Stef takes the ice pack from her "This is a little cold Sweets" she places it on Callie's neck the same way Jude done. This time Callie sits a little straighter but doesn't try to remove it from her neck because she is still grabbing at her chest.

"That's it deep breaths…Callie does your chest hurt?" Lena asks when Callie keeps grabbing at her chest.

Callie nods "My…heart…hurts" she mumbles out between deep hitched breaths.

"Ok let's get you out of your hoodie" Lena says as her and Stef removes the hoodie from Callie. "You're doing so good Hun…How about some juice?

Callie shakes her head and asks "Air?"

Both Moms share an uncertain look between their selves.

"Pleeeeaaassseee…smothering" Callie whines, she as calmed down a lot but is still upset and is still holding her chest.

Lena nods "How about both?"

Stef goes to help Callie up "Little steps ok?" Callie nods

They get out on the patio Callie is a bit better and tries to move herself toward the tree. Stef will not let her and guides her over to the deck seats. Stef tries to bring Callie into her lap; Callie is hesitant but finally lets Stef bring her down.

Callie is still tense "It's ok Sweets, just relax, consecrate on your breathing" Stef assures her as she forces Callie's head down, snuggling her into the crook of her neck. It takes few minutes for Callie to calm down enough for Lena who has taken a chair next to them to hand Callie her juice.

Stef gives Lena a what the hell? And we got to deal with this now look, after Callie has taken several sips of juice.

"Callie Girl, I know you don't want to talk right now and that's fine. All you need to do is listen to Momma and Me and remember to breath. Momma and I love you very much. We love Jude. We are always going to love both of you. What we are not going to do is hit you or put you in a closet EVER understand? Stef asks Callie gives her a slight nod

Lena says "And you can cry all you want, you can feel whatever you need to feel and you can tell us anything you want or need to, that goes for all of our babies including Jude. One team remember?" Callie nods

"We love you so much that it hurts us when you are hurting so we've got to get you better. Remember we talked this morning about you taking deep breaths when you are unsure of what you are doing? Callie nodded "Well we need you to take a deep breath when you start to get upset and mad. I am pretty sure that part of that in there earlier was my fault because I didn't know that me saying "My Rules" would upset you the way it did, I thought you was just getting angry because you didn't like Momma's and my rules. But we only know what we know and I know that there are some things are just too scary and dark for you to talk about to us now and that's ok. Momma and Me are here when you are ready to talk about anything, we can even help you find the words."

Lena continues were Stef left off "Baby that needs to be one of your special rules. Breathe and relax not everything has to be just so it is ok if it is a little off or if something doesn't make totally sense to you right then, we can figure it out. What can't happen is anymore throwing stuff" Callie nods; she has started silently crying again. Both Moms notice but don't bring attention it, afraid it would cause her to be embarrassed.

"I am a lot like you I let my emotions take over when I need to breathe and think things through. So how about when you feel yourself getting angry or upset over something we have a code word so we both know that we need to breathe and relax. Than we have to count to 10 before we can move on" Stef says, Callie nods

Stef asks "How something likes "settle?" that way we will know that we need a minute for our emotions to settle down by breathing and relaxing." Callie nods "How about when you need a minute to get your words you tell us "Slack" and if you need help with your words we can help you Yes?" Callie nods her head in agreement

Lena remembers a tool they used with Jesus "How about we play red light when we need to? Red we stop; it is something you don't want to talk about. Yellow we tread very carefully and Green we use that to check in. So that we know you are ok with how things are going." Callie nods.

Both Moms take a moment to let Callie process and calm down some more. Callie's tears are still going but her breathing is under control. They hear the front door open and B come in to the kitchen and Jude take the stairs two at a time up and then in two minutes take the stairs back down and through the house.

Lena reaches over and washes Callie's face for her, which the girl gives a small smile before turning back into Stef's neck.

Jude comes busting through the back door, with a worried look on his face. He comes to a screeching halt when he sees the Moms with Callie curled up in Stef's lap.

"Hey Buddy, how was school?" Lena asks

"Fine" Jude says never taking his eyes off Callie, trying to gauge how she is. When he speaks Callie rises up a little and gives him a smirk which he returns, with their eyes they check in with each other and although Jude is concern he loses his worried face. He has slowly inched his way over to where they are sitting stopping by Callie and Stef's chair.

Lena can't resist and reaches "Come here Buddy" and brings him into her lap. The porch goes into a peaceful silence. B poked his head threw the door and made eye contact with Stef, he was fine and was going up to practice.

When Lena looks at the time she gives Stef a we got to look and gets a nod in return.

"So the plan for tonight is that we grill dinner, eat out here on the patio and maybe build a fire in the pit after dark and or a movie night" Lena says With the mention of fire Jude eyes light up. "How does that sound?"

"Great" Jude says when Lena looks at him, Callie on the other hand has zone out and is staring at spot on the deck. Stef notices and moves her hair behind her head "What about it Callie Girl?" which gets her to slightly nod.

"But first Bill is going to stop by…" Lena is not able to finish because on hearing Bill was coming Jude had jumped out of Lena's lap.

"Damn it Callie again?" Jude yells with tears in his eyes and he starts to stomp off. Callie for her part just goes further down into Stef hiding her face. Stef can feel her start to shake and can feel the girl's warm wet tears fall on her neck and shirt.

"Whoooooooooa! Stop Mister" Stef tells him in a stern voice which is enough to get the boy to stop and turn around. Stef starts rocking Callie and tries to sooth her, but is real curious about what Jude is going to say.

"Come back here" Lena demands, by the time Jude as shuffled back over to Lena his eyes are on the ground "First we don't use that language. Second explain please" Lena says the second part in a soft voice she didn't want to have the boy shut down on them

"Callie gets too much to deal with, Foster parents call Bill, we leave" Jude mumbles

"NO ONE is going anywhere." Stef says in the same stern voice, it makes Jude head pop up and he reads the truthfulness in her eyes.

Lena hears the doorbell ring, she knew it was Bill and she need to answer it.

"One Team remember Buddy?" Lena asks Jude as she got up to answer the door pausing until she got a nod and then a "Yes" from Jude. She gave the boy a hug and a kiss to the top of his head and went to answer the door.

A/N: Thank you Lacorra for the edit.


	27. Visit

A/N Thank you for reading and reviewing…They keep me writing

Visit

"Breathe Sweets" Stef whispers to Callie before turning her attention to Jude "Jude come here please" as she opens her other arm and brings him in close to her when he moves over to the side of chair where she still as Callie in her lap. "Ok, I need both of you to listen to me" Stef waits until she has both kids attention "I love you and Momma loves you very, very much." Stef gives Callie than Jude a kiss to their forehead.

"We love you to" Jude mumbles, Callie squeezes her tighter.

Stef wished that Lena was out here it would be a perfect time to discuss the adoption but with Bill here she makes the decision to keep things light and the kids calm. She can see that Jude is itching to get into her lap and be close to Callie he is still worried she is mad at him. Callie for her part wiggles around making room for Jude, who doesn't have to even be asked and gets in Stef lap.

"Momma's cooking has done you some good Worm…Hufff" Stef says grinning as she helps him onto her lap

"I am a Bear not a Worm Stef" Jude says laughing, he places his legs on top of Callie's.

Stef wouldn't want to be anywhere else but right her snuggled up with her two newest babies. As soon as Jude gets settled the kids make eye contact and Stef can tell all is forgiven. Callie brings out her ball from her hoodie pocket and shows Jude who takes it and laughs at the face.

"Cool" Jude says

"You want to name him?" Callie whispers

Before Jude can answer Lena and Bill come out onto the patio. Callie quickly pulls the ball back putting it into its hiding spot within her hoodie. Stef feels both kids tense and sink into her. She holds them tighter hoping to reassure them or at least keep them from running. Stef makes eye contact with Lena who can't help but smile at the scene, but can't give Stef any information on why Bill is here. Bill had been very short in his greetings when Lena met him at the door.

"Hi Callie and Jude" Bill says as he nods a greeting to Stef "You two look comfortable."

Stef bounces her legs a little to encourage them, neither kid will look up at Bill. But it causes Jude to quietly say "Hi" Callie just ignores him and finds a spots to stare at.

Bill is used to the Jacobs kids and takes the chair that Lena offered to him. "Lena and Stef as you both know I am required to do monthly home visits and I need to interview the kids…alone." When he said "alone" both kids went stiff in Stef's lap. Callie had grabbed the back of Stef's shirt tightly and throws her other arm around Jude.

"Jude why don't you go show Bill your room, Callie can go with you and then show him hers?" Lena suggests trying to get the kids to go with him and not make this any harder. Thinking it would be easier on them if they weren't separated.

"Sounds like a plan, Momma and I need to get dinner started anyway. Sooner we get moving the sooner we can get to the fun stuff" Stef says as she wiggles trying to get the kids to move. When they don't move Bill clears his throat as a warning and stands up. Stef helps a reluctant Jude to stand up and he slows moves toward the door following Bill. But Callie moves closer into Stef, holding on tighter to her.

When Jude passes Lena he gives her a sad face. Lena pulls him in for a hug "It will be ok Worm" When she gets a nod and a slight smirk from him she gives him a kiss on top of his head and sends him on his way.

"Callie?" Bill asks in a tone that left little doubt he expected her to follow him. When Callie shakes her head, and holds on tighter to Stef.

"Sweets, relax. It shouldn't take long, go with Jude. We will be right here when you get finished." Stef whispers. When Callie doesn't move Stef stands up bringing Callie up with her. Stef stands there for a moment in a tight hug, she can see that not only does she need the reassurance but she is a little dizzy.

Bill says "Now Please" from the door

When Stef and Callie separate Stef and Lena both see that Callie has closed down, and as put up her walls. Her face is set in stone and is showing no emotion, it was like looking at the girl from four months ago. Callie follows Jude and Bill into the house.

"I sure hope that Bill's visit is a quick drive by. I am not sure how much more she can take. Did you see her eyes? She is in shutdown mode." Stef says as soon as she is sure the kids and Bill is out of ear shot

"I can't believe the afternoon we have had with her. Thank you for not killing her when she threw the water bottle at you" Lena says

Stef gives her a sad smile "I wanted to, but couldn't when I got close to her and saw her eyes, Lena the girl was not here, she was in hell again. If I ever get my hands on those that hurt her though, you and kids are going to be visiting me on Sundays at the jail."

"Baby, I feel the same way but I don't think I can be a single parent. We will get you a good lawyer and get it pleaded down to justifiable homicide" Lena says "Do you want to go get B to go to the store for the ice cream?"

"We've got time…" Stef says but then picks up on what Lena is trying to tell her. "Yes, I will go upstairs and check in with B before he goes to the store"

Lena went to fold laundry. Stef went upstairs, as she went to knock on B's bedroom door but decided that it was to quiet up here and she needs to check on the little Bears. She finds Bill and the kids in the Boys' room. Jude and Callie was silently standing together in the corner of the room, holding hands looking at the floor. Bill is looking around the room, asking the normal home visit question. Was school ok? Were they getting enough food? Were they getting along with the family?

The questions were met with nods from both of the Jacob kids.

Stef moved on Lena was right she could multi-task check in with B and be upstairs in case things with south during Bill's visit. After fifteen minutes or so of talking with Brandon, she sent him on his way to the store. Stef was relieved that she hadn't heard any big commotion and as she was walking through the hallway to go downstairs she had seen that Bill had moved on to Callie's room. The Jacob kids are in the same place in Callie's room, as there were in the Boys', and giving Bill nods and shrugs answers.

Stef goes down stairs and into the kitchen were Lena as started dinner prep. "Love, the Bears are fine. B is good and has been sent on his mission. I bought us a little time with him, I sent him to get some of the fresh veggies you like down at the Farmer's market and then to get the ice cream."

"Good thinking, I have a feeling we are going to need it. Bill didn't say much when he came in but he did say he wanted to talk to us after he talked with the kids." Lena says.

The Moms work is interrupted when they hear Bill come into the kitchen. He could read both their faces. "Boy those two sure can talk, I finally had to break away" Bill says smiling "I left them in Callie's room just yakking away; I don't even think they will miss me"

Both Moms smile at this as they make their way to the table sitting across from Bill. "Come on Bill you know the kids always enjoy your visits…means you will not be back for a month" Stef says which causes chuckles around the table. "Not that we don't love for you stop by, but where are we with the paperwork?" She had purposely hadn't said adoption paperwork if there was little ears nearby.

"Part of the reason for my visit today, I have drawn up the paperwork but needed a home visit to complete my part as their Case Manager. I will send it over to your lawyers for review and for them to set a court date within the system. The same process as we did with the Twins' paperwork." Bill says seriously

"Thank you, for rushing this" Lena says as Stef nods her appreciation.

Bill visibly takes a deep breath "With that being said we have other issues to discuss. I have received prelim reports from both Dr. Kodema, Dr. Smith on Callie's latest episode. I can tell when there is a stone wall being put in place and I've got to tell you that it might not be what is best for Callie. Also I have received progress reports for both Callie and Jude from their teachers."

Both Moms nod for him to continue.

"First the easy one of the two, Jude from all accounts is he is thriving and is making great progress. I see no problems with the paperwork going through on him." Bill says with a smile.

Both Moms squeeze each other hand and have very big smiles.

"Now on to Callie who on the other hand is a mix bag, teachers are saying she is on time and does her work, she is actually making the best grades, since I took their cases and she hasn't caused any trouble. But they did say she is Anti-social, she doesn't do well if call upon in class refuses to answer even when they know she knows the answer, has not made any friends as far as they know, lunch is by herself reading, one word answers to any inquires that they make when talking to her one on one. Then we have this attention seeking behavior that you reported Lena. I have received prelim reports from both Dr. Kodema, Dr. Smith on this." Bill says

"I never said I thought it was attention seeking behavior" Lena says hoping to clear that statement up.

Bill holds up his hand to let her know he isn't arguing the point with her "Look I have known Callie for years, it's only a matter of time before she does something and I have to come in and clean it up, its Callie's way. One of the reasons I thought of you two when I placed them was her special needs and you would be able to handle her. Neither of the reports surprise me, the good she is a very smart girl nor the bad she been in the system awhile. Now I will give you that some of the homes she has been in have not been the best but she doesn't help herself or Jude with this behavior so you can understand my hesitation on putting in her paperwork for you. I am not sure either of you know what you are getting into so" Bill says as he pulls out two red folders and one yellow, he opens the yellow one. "Lena I need you to sign here and here" as he points to places on different piece of legal paper. "You are now an advocate for children through the courts, with this the courts ie:me can call on you for an opinion on special cases and I can release these folders to you. The second paper you signed was a confidential agreement, so you are bound to it." Bill waited until Lena nod agreeing to what he was telling her. "Stef you already have a confidential agreement on file."

Bill continues "Callie is fifteen she has three years to get it together before she ages out. She has a temper, is defiant and can be totally anti-social, which is a fast way to go down the wrong path. Currently she has a solid treatment team working with you to hold her accountable for her actions and is trying to prepare her for being an adult. All resources are open to her as long as she is in the system. If you decide to adopt her it will be all private and you will have to decide which options to take with her." Bill lets that sink in then continues "Both of you need to figure out what is best for her and what is best for your family you have the other kids to think about. We have several options instead of full adoption. Whatever you decide on Callie shouldn't affect Jude adoption" Bill says as he stands up "We can talk about it at her Tue treatment team meeting. I can see my way out"

A/N: Thank you Lacorra for the edits I couldn't do this without you


	28. Our Package Deal

A/N

Thank you for reading, reviewing and the PMs..Yall are the best.

Our Package Deal

Callie

I can tell Butt Head Bill wants to talk to me alone and I am sure that Jude is aware of it to because he refuses to let go of my hand or to stay in his room even after Butt Head told him to when we started walking to mine and Mariana's room. I think Butthead doesn't make a big deal out of it because he knows Stef is in B's room. But that doesn't stop him from giving me the stink eye his entire visit, he is looking for any excuse. I know this game and other than a few nods I don't interact with him at all. I just keep counting the number of squeezes of my ball. I can tell my non-answers pisses Butt Head off, which makes me, chuckle on the inside.

I thought he would never leave but as soon as Butt Head Bill goes down the steps to talk to Stef and Lena, I release Jude's hand.

"Jude you need to go do your homework"

Jude gives me his worry face "Cal do you believe Moms, that we are staying here? One team?"

"Yeah…we have always been a team. I always take of us right?" I tell him with a smile which gets me a smile and nod while he hugs me.

Jude doesn't like it but I send him on his way, he doesn't need to be in this. I take care of us. I grab our bag from under my bed and throw it out the window, so that if we have to leave tonight we can. I try not to think about having to leave here, but I got to do what I got to for Jude. Damn it these tears need to stop, I have to be tough.

I sneak down the stairs and listen to what Butt Head Bill is saying "I can release these folders to you. The second paper you signed was a confidential agreement" I can't hear the rest because of the rustling of the paper so I move further down the stairs until I can climb over the banister, careful of my thigh. I quietly use the table to get down into the entryway without either Mom's seeing me. I make a dart through the dining room trying to be as quiet as I can. When I get close to the wall outside the extra bathroom I go to my knees and wiggle up against the inland on the nook side. I listen closely to making sure no one heard me.

I hear Butt Head Bill still talking "Both of you need to figure out what is best for her and what is best for your family you have the other kids to think about. We have several options instead of full adoption. Whatever you decide on Callie shouldn't affect Jude adoption" Butt Head Bill says as he stands up "We can talk about it at her Tuesday treatment team meeting. I can see my way out"

Damn it. He is telling them to only adopt Jude. I bet he gave them my file so that they would be forced to get rid of me. I can't let them see those files, I can't break the promise. I about jump out of my skin when I feel a hand on my back, but when it pats me I know its Jude. I should have known he wouldn't let me do this on my own. I try to shoo him back up the stairs but he just shakes his head.

I peak around the corner both Moms have walked Butt Head Bill out and are standing on the front porch. It looks like they are trying to have a discussion with ButtHead who doesn't want to talk and keeps backing up from a very pissed off Stef. Lena looks like she is trying to calm her down; by the way she is patting Stef's lower back. I can't help but smile; I bet Stef could take him; she has her scary look on. I still can't believe I was stupid enough to throw something at her and better yet live to tell about it. Perfect, they are distracted. I point at my eyes for Jude and then point to the porch. Jude nods he understands he is supposed to watch for me.

I make a dash and pick up the folders on the table. I can't help but to take a quick glance at the folder, Jude's is on top and the bigger one on the bottom is mine. I run back behind the nook inland and stay crouch down so they will not see me.

I barely make it when I hear the Moms closed the door, I peak around the corner stupid I know but I need to see where they are if I am going to not get caught. I see Stef drop our' "go-bag" on the floor, damn it she had found it. I was hoping the hedges would hide it enough, until we could pick it up.

When Lena starts to walk to the bottom of the stairs I duck back and I hear her loudly say "He is gone, you can come out now."

"Come on down Sweets and bring your little bear brother of yours…its safe" Stef says with a smile in her voice. I hear them coming toward the kitchen. I put Jude in front of me and we make a dash up the stairs the way I came, reminding myself to be light on my feet.

"WHooooooo Stop" Stef says as she walks back toward the stairs with Lena behind her. "What have my little bears been up to?"

We stop half way up the stairs, I place the folder behind my back and stare at the "go bag" in the floor and then steal a glance at the Moms to gauge their mood.

"Nothing" I mumble

"It is ok, no one is upset." Lena says with a Momma look, Stef nodding her head in agreement. I can still tell they are both upset but I don't think at us. I can tell they know that I took the folders and Stef is daring me to deny it by the look on her face.

"Honesty Baby" Lena says when I hesitate

"They're mine" I mumble

"Not exactly I believe they are your DSS files, which was entrusted to us. Momma had to sign her life away to get them." Stef says in her I mean business voice.

We just stare at each other stubbornly, they are mine I can't let them see them.

"Baby, we want to trust you to do the right thing here, go with Mom and she will let you watch her put them in the safe in the records box where we keep all you kids important papers." Lena says

Jude peeps around me and I am sure makes eye contact with Lena, because she gives him one of her reassuring smiles. The Damn little traitor actual starts pushing on my legs to get me to head down the stairs but I stop after one step down.

"Buddy why don't you go get your homework, bring it to the kitchen table and I will help you with it while I work? Lena says as she turns and goes into the kitchen. Jude looks up at me and I give him a nod that its fine I am ok.

Jude comes back down with his books and goes around me and past Stef who smiles and ruffles his hair on his way to meet Lena in the kitchen. "Accessory" Jude just giggles at her.

Stef still has a smirk on her face when she looks back at me. I don't want to give these folders to them; I want to stay here. But I don't want Cocoa to get in trouble, I am sure Butthead would love it if she did.

"Words please…Come on Sweets" Stef says as she turns and starts walking into the den. I don't like it but I don't think I have a choice so I slowly follow her. By the time I get in there she already has the folder box out and on the desk.

"See we have a folder for each one of our babies." Stef says as she reaches for the folders.

"You already got one for both of us"

"Yes but those needs to go in here also…Callie?" Stef reaches her hand out and flexes her hand in a grabby motion and then into a claw. "Does the hand need to come out and get them?" She asks in a funny old woman voice and starts walking toward me swing her arms and making a funny face.

I can't help but giggle at her. She has taken the folders from me puts them in the box and is tickling me before I realize what she is doing. I wiggle and try to get out of her grasp, we both end up in the floor tangled up and giggling.

"Love you Sweets" Stef says as she gives me kiss on top of my head. "So you want to talk about what you heard?" I shake my head "That's fine but I need you to listen to me" She waits until I nod my head. "Momma and My Promise is that we would always be honest with you yes? I nod my head "So when I tell you Momma and I don't care what is in those files or what Bill opinion is. We love you and we aren't going to let anyone or anything stop us. Both of you and Jude are our package deal. You believe me yes?" I nod my head Stef reaches over and wipes the tears from my cheek and smiles at me.

She takes my hands and turns them over looking at them "Baby was you alone?" I nodded my head knowing what she was asking me. "Did you hurt yourself?" She asks trying to look into my eyes. I burry myself in her arms, I am very content just staying there. I move my legs out; she lifts my shorts leg and takes a look at where I scratched my leg while I listen to Bill talk to the Moms.

"Sweets, you can't be hurting yourself" Stef says with tears in her eyes. "You need to use your ball"

"Sorry" I mumble

"Baby, the kids are getting hungry do you want me to start the grill?" Cocoa asks smiling from the doorway. Stef looks down at me and I nod.

"Ok you go with Momma" Stef says as she helps me up. She walks over puts the file box in the safe and spins the safe lock as I walk out with Lena.

Both Moms and I go into the kitchen, the Moms head out onto the deck leaving the back door open for us. I stop by the table, give Jude a hug and whisper in his ear "It is ok Bear" as we walk arm and arm out the door.

When we walk through the door, the Moms have taken their same chairs has they had earlier. We aren't two steps outside the door, when Lena smiles at us. Jude lets go of me and goes into Lena's open arms. She holds him tight for a moment then brings him into her lap, Jude as always been a cuddlier and very happily settles down in her lap. I can tell in his eyes that he has forgotten how spooked he was with Butt Head Bill's visit.

Even though Stef has opened her arms for me to come over and sit in her lap. I am not a baby and find the chair over and away from them. Stef and Lena share a look between themselves then Stef picks up her chair and sits it down beside mine. When she sits it down she blocks me between the house, her and the table. She gives me a smirk daring me to say something. I just give her a blank look, and then start counting the number of nails in the wood on the deck.

"No hiding Sweets" Stef tells me as she takes my hand and interlocks our fingers. I let her hold my hand but I try to ignore it because I know she wants me say something about it.

Lena speaks up "How did the visit go?"

"Glad it's over" Jude says. I shrug in response and Stef squeezes my hand, trying to get me to speak up, I try to ignore it.

Lena nods understanding what Jude was saying, "Yeah I bet it's scary when he stops by after what has happened in the past. Buddy you said that you guys have been taken out of foster homes before?

Jude nods "Yes"

"How many homes have you been in?" Stef asks

Jude looks at me scared and I blurt out "I'm sure Bill will tell you"

"Tone Sweets, I didn't ask Bill I am asking both of you." Stef says

"Real? Six. Pretend? More than I can count. Emergency? Four well on that one I better ask before or after Donald's big screwed up? Because we got two if you count before so total of six I guess, that I can remember." I angrily tell them, ugg why can't I quit the tears from coming out of my eyes?

"Callie you need to settle a minute and take a breath" Lena tells me. Fine I go back to counting the squeezes of MadMax the ball Dr K had given me hoping to calm down and get the tears to stop.

When Lena starts to talk to Jude about school Stef whispers "Sweets, you ok?" I shrug, I don't like Bill he is always saying I am just trouble. I want to stay here, we want to stay here. He is messing this up for us I don't get it. I figured he would want me out of his hair.

"Words please" Stef whisper in my ear

I don't know how to explain I want to cry at the same time I want to punch something preferably Butthead but I can't seem to do anything but sit here and cry "Don't know" I mumble

"Fair enough" Stef says "Are your thoughts spinning?" I nod "How about you coming over here and keep me company?" She softly says as she pulls me over onto her lap, I snuggle down into her were I feel safe.

"Why did I find your bag in the hedges?" Stef asks as she hugs me tighter when I try to ignore her. When I shake my head she says "Sweets you know…was it because you didn't believe us when we said you wasn't leaving here?" I shake my head. "We said we would be honest with both of you yes? I nod my head.

"We know but we don't like Mr. Bill, he is mean." Jude says and I nod my head.

"Mean?" Stef asks and we both nod, neither of us say anything else.

"You don't have to worry him, Momma and I will be taking care of him soon enough" Stef says which earns her a look from Lena. Which makes me chuckle because even Stef can't win against Lena when she turns on her power.

Stef and I sit there in the silence for a few minutes both of us lost in our thoughts. I am trying to ignore all the spinning thoughts in my head so I just count the number of squeezes I can do.

I can tell Lena is ready for Stef to get grill.

"Stef, you are getting the need to get busy look" I whisper loud enough for Lena to hear me.

When she gets up I take her chair. I try to ignore the bad thoughts and count the nails in the deck.

"Callie Girl? Dinner" Stef says softly to get my attention a short time later

"Humm" I make it through dinner between Jude and Stef on each side of me.

I get up and help clean up we are almost done when B speaks up and says "Who wants an ice cream bar?"

The other kids all go toward him as he hands them out, I try to find a way out before…

A/N: Thank you Lacorra for the edit and making my crazy writing flow.


	29. Scared

A/N Thank you for reading and reviewing…I know I say this every chapter but these keep me motivated to write. Thanks for all the support

This Chapter has sensitive topics, please be careful.

Scared

"Who wants an ice cream bar?" Brandon asks as he pulls out the box from the freezer

The kids go toward him as he hands them out, but Callie is frozen where she is standing next to the sink with a confused look on her face. Both Moms notice, but try not to bring attention to it.

"Sweets?' Stef whispers in Callie's ear as she comes up and wraps her arms around Callie's waist. She can feel the girl shaking, and can tell she is trying to maintain her composure in front of the other kids. Stef looks over to Lena with a concern look and to help her control the situation

Callie can't answer, all she can think is breath, it means nothing, not same.

"Ok, Ice cream outside please" Lena instructs the other kids. All the kids but Jude start for out the door until Mariana notices Jude is not moving and has a worried look on his face, she walks back and takes his hand, guiding him out the door.

"Baby, what is wrong?" Lena asks as she walks over in front of Callie, while Stef turns her around from the sink to face Lena.

Callie can only shake her head. Silent tears start falling down her face as she looks at the floor.

"Callie Girl, you don't want ice cream?" Stef asks Callie shrugs and shakes her head, which makes the Moms more confused.

Lena takes a gamble and reaches out for her hands, forcing Callie to loosen her fist when she interlock their hands. When the girl glances up Lena can see that she is overwhelmed and can't really tell them what she wants. "Come on Babe, I think it is time we went upstairs"

Callie didn't resist as the Moms guide her upstairs. Stef cleans Callie's cuts for her. But other than grabbing Stef's wrist and holding on to it while she cleaned her thigh, she had been very cooperative and hadn't resisted at all. By the time the Callie was ready for bed she was calm and was in a mellow state. Neither Mom wanted to break the peace. But Callie hadn't said a word since the kitchen and it was beginning to worry the Moms.

So it had surprised the Moms that when they went to put her in their bed Callie shakes her head, she tries to break away and go to the bench at the window. The Moms share a look; neither is comfortable of letting Callie be over there in her current state after what had happen earlier.

They walk with Callie over to the window but instead of letting her go to the bench, Stef drags the chair over so that Lena could sit down bringing Callie into her lap but she could still see out the window. Callie at first resists but she didn't have a choice between Lena pulling her into her lap with Stef pulling Callie's legs up and over the arms of the chair.

"Sweets, I will be right back" Stef says handing Callie her ball to squeeze as she leans over and gives her kiss on her forehead and then Lena a kiss on her cheek. Callie and Lena both watch her walk out the bedroom, to go check on the other kids and lock up the house.

"Baby, your starting to scare me, are you ok?" Lena whispers into Callie's ear. Callie gives her a shrug. "Is the Monster spinning around in your head?" Callie nods "Does it have your voice?" Lena whispers

"Bad…I'm trying to be good" she mumbles

"What it's spinning around up here?" Lena asks has she plants a kiss on top of Callie head. Callie hesitantly shakes her head. "Can you try for me Baby?"

"Jumbled" Callie mumbles

"That's ok, just try" Lena says softly

After a few moments and several starts and stops Callie mumbles "I…don't know" as she starts squeezing the ball harder and quicker. Lena lets her sit with her thoughts a moment and then gets an idea. "Have you named him?" as she looks at Callie's ball.

"Mad-Max" Callie whispers as she stops squeezing it and lifts it up to show Lena its face.

"I think it fits" Lena says as they share a smile. "Do you think Max could talk to me about the spinning thoughts in your head?"

Callie thinks about it a minute but then nods her head. "Scared"

"Do you know what Callie is scared about?" Lena asks, looking at the ball

Callie nods "She isn't supposed to talk about stuff."

"Well, that might have been how things worked before but now we are one team and this morning we talked about how some of the rules went for everyone." Lena says she waits until Callie nods "I believe we talked about talking."

"Bbbut…" Callie starts to say but stops when Stef comes in with Jude in tow.

"Hey Cal I brought you and Cocoa some ice cream, no worries I got Stef to put it in a bowl." Jude says as he walks in and tries to hand Callie the bowl. It did not go unnoticed by either mom that Callie went stiff and seemed to be on alert. The two kids have a silent conversation and in a moment Callie took the bowl from Jude.

Lena couldn't help put blink back the tears, as she took the bowl from Stef. It was the first time Jude had openly called her Cocoa. Lena looked at Stef and they decide to give Callie a moment before the address the bowl comment. Stef and Jude ended up intertwined sitting together on the window bench.

"So how did I get my super special name?" Lena asks looking back and forth between both kids. Jude looks at Callie who gives him permission by a slight nod of her head, but never really lifting her eyes out of the bowl of ice cream she was slowly eating.

"Because Callie used to hide her can money and when we had a sad day. She would get cocoa and would play pretend. No matter how bad the house we was in, somehow it always made it better…You just remind me of it is all, we don't have to" Jude says as he looks down at the floor.

Both Moms are smiling and have tears in their eyes by the time Jude is finished telling them. Stef gives him a tight squeeze. Lena reaches out and gives him a kiss to the top of his head. When Lena can find her voice "Buddy, I am honored"

"You don't mind?" Jude asks as he raises his head

"Nope I truly like it and Mom is sooo jealous" Lena says smiling as she raised Jude's chin and met his eyes. When he smiled at her and was satisfied with her answer she leans back and brings Callie in closer. She plants a kiss to Callie's forehead and wraps her arm around her tighter.

"Do I have a super-secret name?" Stef asked smiling at the kids. Both kids smirked and shook their heads. "You know I will find out yes?" She asks which makes the kids smirks go wider.

Everyone is relaxes and is comfortable in the silence as Callie and Lena finish their ice cream. When they are finished and the bowls are placed on the end table. The Moms take the opportunity to move the kids to their bed. Placing them in the middle side by side propped up on the headboard. Stef and Lena sit facing them so that they can read the kids body language and eyes.

Lena starts "Mom and I want to talk about something with both of you" which cause both the kids heads to come up with worried looks. Even if Callie tried to hide it quickly by dropping her eyes back down.

Stef reached out and lifted her chin. "No hiding Sweets, we need to see your eyes, its ok, no worry faces needed" she had said the last part for Jude's benefit also.

Lena continues "What do you say if we made us officially one team?" the Kids are stunned, Jude has a look of disbelief on his face and Callie has went frozen. Jude is first to find his voice and asks "Both of us?" Both Moms nod their head they didn't want to say much because Callie was still trying to process what they were telling them.

"Forever?" He asked

Both Moms nod their heads. Jude breaks out into a huge grin and nods his head yes

"Callie?" Stef asks

"Butthead will never let it happen" she mumbles

"Butthead?" Stef as to ask to make sure she is on the same page with Callie, even though she thinks she is referring to Bill.

"Mr. Bill…Not without Callie" Jude clarifies as his face drops and tears come to his eyes.

"I believe what Momma is asking is what you thought, not him. You let me and Momma worry about that grown up stuff. Sweets didn't we talk about us not letting Bill get in our way? Stef says forcing Callie to look into her eyes.

"We don't want to leave" Callie says as she brings Jude in tighter to her and starts squeezing her ball within her hoodie.

"We don't want you to leave either, we want you here with us forever" Lena says.

"Not after you read Butthead's file on Trouble" Callie mumbles before either Mom can answer Callie says in a Bill's voice "Been Trouble since the day I met you, you are always causing your own misery, Jude shouldn't be held accountable for your stupidity and immaturity."

With tears in her eyes she turns to Jude and in her own voice "Bear, I think you should take this. You are safe here and we don't want what happened before happen again."

Jude is getting very upset and holds onto her tighter. He doesn't even try to hide his tears as he starts shaking his head at what Callie is saying.

"Whooooaa stop," Stef demands in her don't mess with me voice, which scares Jude and makes him glance over at the Moms "Sweets look at me…Now please" It takes a few minutes for Callie to look over in the directions of the Moms.

Stef had to take a deep breath and figure out where to start. "We talked this afternoon about how neither Mom nor I care about what is in your file, that we still love you Yes?...Callie answer in words please" Stef asks

"Yes" Callie quietly answers

"We talked about how neither Mom nor I cared about what Bill had to say this afternoon about adopting you that we still loved you Yes?"

"Yes" Callie quietly answers

"And we talked about how we aren't going to let anyone or anything stop us for loving you Yes?"

"Yes" Callie quietly answers

"With those answers in your mind I want you to tell us what YOU want. Do you want to make this a permanent team? Do you need more time to think about it?" Stef asks

"Baby, there is not a wrong answer here, we just want to do what you want or need us to" Lena says softly.

"Do you…:" Callie starts but stops

"Do we what?" Lena asks encouraging the girl "It is ok just take your time and ask"

"Do you think it could happen?" Callie asks quietly after a few moments of trying to phase it correctly.

"Yes, we are going to do everything possible to make it happen that is if you want us to?" Stef says as Lena nods her head in agreement.

Jude and Callie look at each other for less than half a minute and then Jude jumps into Callie's arms crying with Callie hugging him tightly. The Moms look between each other and then kids, trying to figure out what is happening between the two. When the kids pull apart, Jude goes and jumps in between the two moms almost tackling them into a hug. Callie was a bit more reserved and hesitantly meets the bunch in the middle for a group hug.

"So this is a Yes?" Stef asks laughing which starts off another round on nods, tears, hugs, kisses and laughs from the group. They maneuver until Jude is in Lena's arms and Callie is in Stef's, both moms move them to the top of the bed leaning against the headboard. They settle in hugging their newest babies. They share a smile and an I love you look over the tops of the kids head.

Jude is asleep with a smile on his face, within ten minutes of getting settled. When Stef goes and tucks him into his bed he still has the smile. Stef comes back into the Moms room she has Callie's meds and a glass of juice. Callie reaches up takes her meds and drinks all of her juice before she hands the glass back to Stef who puts in on the night table next to the ice cream bowls. She sees the bowls it reminds her of the ice cream issue from earlier. Jude had asked her to put the ice cream in the bowl for Callie, Stef had tried to get information but Jude had just said that Callie didn't eat anything on a stick.

Jesus had overheard and had asked incredulously "Not even corn dogs?" Jude had just nodded his head.

As Stef slides into her side of the bed, Lena takes the opportunity to go get ready for bed. Callie slides over and snuggles into Stef who holds her to her chest.

Stef quietly said "Sweets, earlier you know B didn't mean to upset you over the ice cream bars"

Callie sluggishly nods and whispers "I know"

"I know you had been looking forward to ice cream all day." Stef continues.

Callie sluggishly nods and whispers "My favorite, thanks"

Stef can tell Callie is getting very sleepy and knew she need to tread carefully here, she didn't want to get Callie upset again. "Sweets, why do you eat it in a bowl?"

"Because…" Callie mumbles in a whisper.

Lena slides into the bed, Callie tries to move away from Stef and go to her. But Stef will not let her go an exhausted Callie doesn't really fight her and settles back down into Stef hiding her face. Lena moves in behind her, and starts creating circles on Callie back. The Moms share a look

"Baby, just talk even if it is jumbled it is ok" Lena whispers in Callie ear as Stef moves Callie's hair to behind her ear.

If the house hadn't been quiet and the Moms hadn't been so closely listening, they would have not heard Callie when she mumbles "His lessons started with Popsicles" she buries herself deeper into Stef and holds on to her tighter. Stef can feel herself to go stiff when she realizes what Callie is talking about; she looks over at Lena who has tears rolling down her face for guidance.

Lena is trying not to let Callie know how upset she is and takes a deep breath before she says "It's ok Baby…"

" Reeedddd" a crying Callie screeches from her hiding spot

The Moms share a look and agree that they needed to stop this conversation, if for no other reason they had agreed Red was what they had agree to know when she wanted to stop. Little steps of trust, was going to get them further than them trying to push her.

"Shhhh its ok" Lena says as she keeps rubbing Callie's back. Stef slides them both down into the bed so that they can get more comfortable and she could go to sleep.

Stef gives Callie a kiss to her forehead "You're safe Sweets, We love you…Relax…Breathe…I got you"

A/N: Thank you Lacorra for the edit and making all my spinning thoughts make sense.


	30. Don't have to keep secrets any more

A/N Sorry it took me so long to update but real life has been really busy. Thanks for the pokes to get me moving on this again. I will try to do better in the future.

Thanks for reading and reviewing

This has sensitive subject matter, please use care.

Don't have to keep secrets any more

Stef gives Callie a kiss to her forehead "Your safe Sweets, We love you… Go ahead and go to sleep…I got you" as she pulls her tighter into her.

"Scared" Callie mumble has she cries into Stef.

"Why are you scared?" Stef asks before she can stop herself, which earns her a look from Lena. Stef doesn't want to push Callie but was hoping that she would answer. The more they could get Callie to talk the better they could help her. It was breaking her heart that her tough Callie Girl was struggling so much.

It takes several moments before Callie whispers in between hitched breaths. "It is supposed to be a…secret" as she tried to move further into Stef, trying to hide.

"OO Baby…We know it's scary to talk about stuff especially the bad stuff. But you don't have to keep secrets anymore." Lena reminds her with a quiet voice

Stef can tell Lena needs a moment to get her thoughts together "Momma and I want to be your Moms, we want to know all your secrets like your favorite ice cream is or that you like to have your feet covered when you sleep. But Sweets for us to help you, we need you to try to talk about those things that are spinning around in your head. Does this make sense?"

Callie slightly nods her head. It takes several minutes for Callie to get her thoughts together "I didn't know I was being bad" she whispers

"Baby you were a kid, you were not bad. He was a very sick adult who know exactly what he was doing." Lena says

"He lied it wasn't like a Popsicle" Callie cries getting very upset.

Both Moms can tell Callie is overwhelmed and can't talk about it anymore. They both try to comfort Callie enough for her to fall asleep, but every time she feels herself drift off to sleep she shakes herself out of it.

"Baby, don't fight it…you're safe, you don't have to be scared" Lena assures her.

Finally after a half an hour Lena goes and gets an extra blanket out of the closet and walks with it to the chair by the window and motions for Stef to bring Callie over to her. Lena spreads the blanket out over her leaving the end hanging down. Stef places Callie in Lena's lap, placing Callie's legs over the arms of the chair. Lena wraps her arms tightly around her, as Stef takes the ends of the blanket and swaddles Callie into a bundle. Callie tries to fight this but Lena holds her tightly in place and beings to rock her once Stef tucks the last end in.

"ShhShh Baby its ok" Lena whisper as she rocks Callie to sleep. Stef goes and gets a cool wash cloth and start gentle washing Callie face, wiping off the tear tracks on her cheeks.

Stef had purposely left the left side of the blanket loose enough that once Callie calmed down Lena loosened up on her hug and let Callie bring her sucking thumb up to her mouth, wrapping her finger around her nose.

It takes a few more minutes but Callie finally can't fight sleep any longer and drifts off.

"Love?" Stef whispers looking at Lena to see what she wants to do.

" Let's let her go into a deeper sleep. Then I want to look at the files, would you mind getting them?" Lena asks as Stef nods her head and goes down to get them.

By the time Stef is back with the kids DSS folders and a couple of cups of tea. Callie is in such a deep sleep that she doesn't even mumble when Stef picks her up.

They lay Callie down on the bed she stirs, but goes back to sleep as soon as Lena get in behind her cuddles with her. After a few moments Lena slides the pillows in her place and gets out of the bed. The Moms decide that the only privacy they were going to have would be in the bathroom. Because even though Stef had taken Jude to his bed, they both were sure he would be back outside their door before the night was over.

The Moms curled up together on the bathroom floor, looking at the paperwork. They figured Callie's file would be gone through first because it probably held more answers than Jude's.

The first contact was when Callie was three it seemed that she was placed in her Grandmothers emergency care when there was a domestic incident between her parents. But was transfered back to her mother's custody when she agreed to parenting classes.

There were two small notes about contact with the family by DSS, when it had been report there was concern about the children's welfare.

Next was a DSS form 55 the form that the notification Social worker fills out when they take full custody of a minor. The form said that it was an involuntary placement. It looked like Callie had been picked up at the hospital, with minor injuries after the car wreck. This was news to the Moms they never knew that Callie had been in the car wreck that had killed her mom.

The next form was dated two days after the wreck, it seemed that Callie and Jude had been placed in an Emergency placement until they could find Donald to sign the paperwork to turn them over into the system to get a permanent foster home. This didn't make sense to the Moms especially to Stef, because they knew that Donald had been convicted of DUI and Manslaughter for the wreck, so why couldn't they get him to sign the paperwork? Maybe Stef could get the accident report or the court record and that would clear things up. It seemed on the paper that they had to be transferred from this home at the request of the foster parent. Due to Callie's disruptive behavior, apparently she had destroyed the room her and Jude had stayed in.

It looked like the kids were bounced around for another seven months, very little was in there from that time period except transfer paperwork, it look like at least four different homes. The next form was dated a year after the last transfer form, was a removal from a permanent foster home due to the parents no longer able to take care of kids. It didn't give any more detail than that. But what caught their eye that this was the transfer that took Callie and Jude into where she had been abused and her thumb had been broken. What surprised the mothers was that the next form was a runaway report made by the social worker it that was attached to a hospital admits form. They had had to do emergency surgery on Callie's thumb to reset it. The more the Moms read the more they pieced together that the foster Dad had tried to blame it on Callie running away and then someone else had hurt her. Callie had been sent to a group home while it was investigated.

"Baby she had to be scared to death, after the beating she took and then to be blamed for it." Lena whispers

"Being away from each other were probably the worse for them" Stef replies quietly

"I know Jude blames himself for telling what happen as why they were split up" Lena says "No one explained it to them?"

"Stef?, Cocoa?" Callie whispers from the door way with a confused look on her face. When Callie eyes hit the red folders with the paperwork scattered between the Moms. Callie's face goes from confused to angry.

"You Lied" Callie yells as she turns and runs out the bedroom door, stumbling over Jude who had returned to the floor in front of the Moms bedroom which slows her down enough that Stef is able to grab a hold of her and bring her into a hug before she gets any further.

"Let go of me, uuuggggggggggggggggggggggg" Callie says as she is fighting to get away from Stef.

"Callie you need to settle down, before you wake the others" Stef calmly says as she tries to force Callie to come back into the Moms bedroom.

Jude is scared after being startled awake and now with Stef trying to get Callie to calm down. Lena moves over, wraps him into a hug. "Its ok Buddy, come on why don't we go get you in your bed." Lena says, as she guilds him toward his room, Jude is hesitant to go with Callie this upset.

By the time Lena gets Jude started to his room. All the other kids are standing in the doorways in different states of concern.

"All is ok, go back to bed please" Stef says in Mom voice which brokered no arguments "And you need to calm down, Young Lady" Stef forced a very mad Callie into the bedroom by practical picking her up. Stef kicked the door closed with her foot. She knew she couldn't let go of the hold she had Callie in, she was not in control. Stef knew that she needed to stay calm and ignore all the mouth that Callie was giving now.

"Let me go now!" Callie kept yelling as she tried to fight her way out of Stef's grip. "Both of you are damn liars"

"Sweets, you need to settle down now" Stef calmly tries to tell her but she knows Callie isn't ready to listen. So she slides down the wall with Callie to wait her out.

"Fuck settling down…" Callie yells at Stef as she is trying to fight her way out of having to be on the floor with Stef. She knows that if Stef gets her on the floor she will not be able to fight her way out of Stef's grasp.

"I sure hope you are done because Lena will not be very happy with that kind of language." Stef says calmly and she forces the fighting girl down with her. "You need to sit here with me a figure out better words to use before she comes in here. Matter of fact, I think you are going to be thinking so hard on those words that we will be quiet and let you think until she comes back."

"But…" Callie starts

"Shhhh" Stef stops her.

A/N: Thank you Lacorra for the edits.


	31. Worm's Snuggle Time

Worm's Snuggle time

"I need to go be with Callie" Jude says

"Mom has her she is fine, just a little upset right now" Lena tries to assure him, when Jude's Old Man worry face doesn't change. "Mom will not hurt her Buddy, she is safe…She just isn't herself right now and needs more love from us."

"But she is really upset! She needs me" Jude says as he tries to reason with Lena.

Lena takes a deep breath "Buddy, she is upset. Callie is having a hard time thinking through things right now because she is so upset. She is feeling a little out of control and it scares her." Jude gives her a knowing nod. "Umm"

Lena guides him to his bed and tucks him in she can tell that he needs some Momma time. She slides in beside him and he instantly snuggles up to her. Lena loves her snuggle time with any of the kids but she wished that her first snuggle heart to heart with Jude wasn't when he was upset and worried.

Lena lets Jude get comfortable and to get himself calmed down. She glances over at Jesus who had fallen back asleep with his headphones in, listening to what Lena hoped was his nature sounds that was supposed to calm him so that he could sleep.

Lena's mind drifts to worrying over Callie, emotionally she was barely in control to begin with and now she was so angry at them. Lena felt torn about leaving Stef to handle Callie right now by herself, but she needed to also be there for the confused little boy in her arms. Lena was sure Stef would be able to physically handle Callie and would not let Callie hurt herself more. But those two were so much alike that, Lena wasn't sure how well Stef was going to be able to get Callie settle down enough for them to explain why they was looking at Callie's file.

She came out of her thoughts when Jude spoke "Cocoa is Callie ok?"

Lena nods and pulls Jude in tighter to her and starts trying her best to explain to the worried boy. "Callie is trying to find her way right now. A lot of things have changed for her, for all of us really in the last couple of months." Lena smiles down at Jude at the last part of the sentence.

Jude nods his head, as he snuggles closer to Lena and gives her a huge smile "Yup, we got a team."

"Yes we did and we are a great team but Callie is trying to figure out how to be part of this team. It's been you and her for a long time Buddy and she has done a great job. Her whole focus was to make sure you two was ok, especially you" Lena squeeze him tighter and gives him a moment letting him process what she just said before she continues "Callie dealt with what she had to, when she had to and tried to forget the ugly, bad stuff but now that she doesn't have to worry about both of you being ok she is having to deal with that stuff. Callie has never had to deal with those feeling or thoughts and she is trying to figure them out…Buddy no matter what we are one team and we love you both. I know it is scary but this is going to make Callie stronger, it is just going to take her a little while." Lena made sure that he could feel her love through not only her words but also threw her body language while she was trying to explain.

"So Callie is confused and she is trying to figure it out?" Jude asks Lena gives him a nod. "And when she figures it out she will be ok?"

"Yes, Buddy…Sometimes that means that we need to give her space but that also means that sometimes she needs to have one on one time with us so that she can work through things. We just got to play it by ear…But there is no reason to be a Worry Worm, Buddy" Lena gives him a smile, Jude smiles up at Lena then snuggles in closer to her.

Lena waits a full minute to make sure Jude had enough time to ask any questions he had and was up to talking more, before she continues. She knows where she needs to take this conversation, to help her and Stef get a more accurate background on her newest babies', so that they can make better decisions to help these kids. Lena is questioning if what was in their DSS records wasn't slanted toward adults keeping their jobs. Lena had seen questions in Stef eyes also as they was reading the bit they had before Callie interrupted them.

Lena thinks the boy is going to go to sleep but a sleepy Jude whispers "Cocoa?..Callie isn't bad."

"You are correct Callie isn't bad, we would never think that." Lena replies

"Good I don't want you to send her away" Jude whispers

Lena takes a deep breath before she answers Jude because she knows she is going to have to push Jude a little to get the answers the Moms needed. "Buddy this is Forever for BOTH of you understand?" Jude gives her a slight nod. "I need you to believe it baby and we need your help with getting Callie to believe it also. Remember one things she is working on is to trust us?" Jude nods "Well if she believes this is forever, than its easier for her to remember to trust us."

"I can do that…Cocoa?" Jude whispers "Yes?" Lena replies

"Are you sure we are going to stay here? Together, with you all, Forever?" Jude asks and Lena can only nod to the questions because Jude is firing off each question rapidly. It warmed Lena's heart that the boy was so excited to want to stay with them. "Yes, Worm forever"

"We really want to stay here with you all. I don't really remember my Mommy, but Callie says you are a lot like her and I am supposed to treat you like I would her." Lena can't help but to tear up at Jude's statement. Lena was again in amazement that Callie had seen a permanent fit for Jude in the family, before the Moms had. Lena hoped that Callie believed that she had a place in this family also; if she didn't then Lena was going to make sure she did.

Jude contiunes "And I never have had true brothers before, we had foster brothers but they weren't true brothers like Jesus and Brandon. And Marianna is so different from Callie." Jude says the last part with a little chuckle. "The other kids we have lived with would try to steal our stuff and would turn out to be mean. Callie said we couldn't trust them and would never let me be around them without her to protect me. But I knew it was different here when Callie let me move in with Jesus and share his room…I am so happy it is Forever." Jude says as he gives Lena a tight hug with a smile on his face.

"I love you Buddy Forever" Lena says as she returns the smile and places a kiss to Jude's forehead.

"Callie is just scared to get hurt again" he voice trailing off as he is hesitant to continue.

Lena can tell he is trying to work up his courage to tell her whatever he thinking, so she gives him an encouraging squeeze "Hurt again?"

It takes Jude several more moments before he tells his story "We got bounced around a lot when we first had to go into the system. But then we to a couples house who didn't have any kids. John worked a lot and was always traveling but was cool to us when he was there. He would try to do fun stuff with me. Terry was an artist so she worked out of her studio in the garage in the back so she was always around to do Mom stuff. She started calling us her babies and told us that we would always be with her. Callie started acting like she did before when we lived with our patents. Anyway one day he was between trips and decided to take me camping while Callie went to a sleep over at a friend's house. The cops showed up at our camp site the next afternoon. John told me to go with them, when I got to the station Callie was there with our Social Worker who said we were going to a new house."

Lena does think he can speak any lower but Jude says the next part even quieter "Callie will not tell me what really happened but I guess she got sick and came home early on Sat. morning from her sleep over when she did Terry was dead in her studio. Callie was heartbroken she really loved her. That night Callie swore that she would never get that close to anyone again. So it's not anything either of you have done to make Callie scared it's just…"

Jude can't go on he doesn't know how to explain it. "It's Ok Buddy, you don't have to say anymore." Lena rocks him a little "Shhh, why don't you try to get some sleep, Love you forever" Lena places a kiss to of a drifting of Jude's forehead.

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing.

Thank you Lacorra for the edits.


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